If you met someone with a limp

[ilean]

would you comment on it?

OddBoots as long as they were capable of doing the job that they are employed to do, I don't see why I would need to know.

Just as I wouldn't need to know about any other condition that they may have... e.g. shortsighted but wore contacts rather than glasses.

DD is still tiny and I wonder if it will embarrass her when she's bigger

I'm sure you won't raise her to be a shallow judgey-arse

I have an artificial leg and walk with a limp.

It is an invaluable twat detector. Without fail, those humans who make my limp the first thing they comment on have turned out to be twats. Without fail.

CMOT DD has a raised two inch scar on her chin (she is gorgeous and it doesn't seem to affect her confidence).

Obviously we have seen plastic surgeons and they have advised it is best left alone.

But the amount of "well meaning" advice we have had. One friend's mum bought her a bottle of Bio Oil, because obviously that would cure it

Not if it had no effect on their ability to do the job, OddBoots.

Absolutely Spero. I have a lovely DP and friends because the twats don't come anywhere near me.

I have concluded, sadly, that the vast majority of people who comment do it in an almost gleeful way, that they are pleased to find out that you have something wrong with you.

A thoughtful kind person would NEVER ask, but will casually offer help or arrange things to make it easier for you, without seeing the need to ask intrusive and insensitive questions.

The only people who I give a free pass to are little children but anyone over 8 is going to get an unpleasant response from me.

Well I think most people would like to say "No I'd never mention it".

However I remember a lovely lady I knew from toddler group. One day we were helping tidying up, and I noticed she was limping, so I asked if she was okay. She was really surprised because she said she had always limped since a stroke in her teens, but in all honesty I'd never noticed it before. I don't know whether I saw her from a different angle, or whether she was having a bad day or whether what we were doing made it worse.
But I asked from genuine concern that she had hurt herself and needed help at that point.

DeWee, I get that a lot and to be frank it makes me feel like shit.

Most people take a while to notice because I am not sitting in a hair dribbling, so of course I can't be disabled, how is that possible!

So then I get upset and think o shit, my walking must look really awful, they are genuinely worried about me.

It's an attempt to be kind I suppose. But if someone is getting on with their daily tasks and not sobbing in pain or asking for help I think it's safe to assume they are ok and leave them be.

People,ask what's wrong with my leg and then look offended when I say, "Nothing, I have a bad back". But not so offended that they can't ask for further details.

Given up caring - it's their problem.

Ooh yes Tinkly, the scar advice. If I had a pound for everyone who'd told me to use Bio oil I'd be wearing considerably nicer shoes. Along with 'is there nothing they can do?' - cos obv if I knew someone would make it work again I'd not be persuing it

My colleague asked someone if they were limping yesterday (she has a disability). I wanted to crawl into a hole. Why he felt the need to ask this will forever remain a mystery...

Not if it was the first time I'd met them. If it was family / a friend and they were suddenly limping I'd ask if they were ok.

To be fair some people are just not particularly observant. I have had people I have met a few times before suddenly notice, and ask me if I have hurt myself. More so in my younger days when I was less obviously disabled.

I will generally point out that I am always like this. To be fair the nice ones will then be extremely embarrassed and say something random but complementary like how good looking/clever my kids are.

The shamelessly nosy ones go on my list.

My lovely fiancé has one leg longer than the other, this puts pressure on his spine and pelvis he does walk with a limp. I noticed right from the word go, but waited until he told me why, it would have been rude to have asked on our first date! I firmly believe in waiting until being told. I have ME and sometimes walk with a laboured gait which is very different from my usual glide (old style grandmother who taught me to walk with books on my head!). For both of us it only shows when we are tired.

I would hate to think that either of us would be discriminated against for things that we have zero control over. Surely the person (soul) in the skin is the important thing, not the skin itself.

Hello fellow limpers!!!!

I have had iffy mobility most of my life, my limp is mild on the flat but anything trickier than that and it's very very obvious something is not right!

Yes people comment/ask
NO I don't like it. Yes obviously I'm not looking terribly normal doing this, so really I want you to point it out and maybe have a chat about it! Erm no thanks. Especially for the 60 millionth time in my life...
Yes I have found out that some of the men in a workplace had a limp-based nickname for me. That made me feel great.

People I like = people who wait for me if needs be and not bring it up.
People I don't like = ones who make some kind of "hilarious" crack every single bloody time

Nice to meet some fellow limpers

Oh god the Bio Oil advice!

Yes a spot of Bio Oil will totally clear up the 16 inch, 30 year old scars! Cheers for that!

[rolly eyes]

smile and nod, innit.

The advice to seek "further opinions" on the basis "they can do wonderful things now" is also bizarre and that upsets me more as then I have to explain NO there's nothing they can do YES I will be like this forever and worsening and ending up who knows where and I don't like thinking about that actually so put a bloody sock in it already!!!

Bloody hell love, a "limp based nickname". That is just unbelievable.

Please tell me you had some amusing "wanker based" nicknames for them.

love does he call u something really original like ....er...'hopalong cassidy'?
I would take it to HR if I were you that will teach him the fucking fucker.

Hello, I am back! DD is in bed shouting crossly

I have so many replies I have to scroll up and back down for reference and will probably post eight times in a row

Tinkly your scale is brilliant, just perfect, that is exactly how I deal with it all too. I am only using this stick so that I have something to beat off my admirers with. you make me

Chesntoots I think the "are you limping" is the one I hate the very most, it's so disingenuous, that irritating pattern of speech where a statement is phrased as a question so that the respondee has to take responsibility for it. I mean what would the answer possibly be? "no, I just walk with a stone in my shoe for a laugh?"

Unkind your description of your problems with your leg certainly puts mine into perspective . I never knew a blood clot could be so large. I'm glad it's better for you. It sounds as though you have experienced appalling rudeness and unkindness on another level from what I am describing

Psypher yes I agree that I was saying that my limp makes me feel less attractive and I was trying to work out if it's just vanity and ego that causes me to bristle at comments (that's probably relevant to your thinking Meita, in that you probably are assuming that limpers are not so shallow as all that ). I am sorry to say that this Dr House person does not give me much consolation, I loathe the programme and don't find him sexy at all! though I do also think that I think a limp is perfectly attractive in men - I daresay this is just an aspect of the standards of female perfection that I have internalised. Or maybe because my self loathing only extends to my own gender iyswim. destructo love the fleeting painkiller preference reference (mouthful!), ah the world of the chronically inflamed. I should really learn to love Dr Weaver, it's me who is the shallow one...

ShoeWhore my DSis is profoundly deaf but growing up she didn't sign, she speaks as well as a hearing person better than most, lipreads and misses little. But deafness is different because as you note often you have to raise it with people so that you can participate / communicate. This was and is v difficult for DSis as it is just as we are all discussing here, leaves her feeling exposed. And if she misses something she feels stupid which makes me so for her because she is just extraordinary, deafness or no, and half the people who are mumbling to her or looking away or putting their hand to their face are the stupid ones. I'm glad your DS is taking it in stride at the moment and I hope he always can (I know many deaf / hearing loss people who do).

fideline I wish I had faith in that but I must confess to being embarrassed about the way my mum looked when I was at school, because to my mind she wasn't as glam as the other mums

CMOT Agree with the distinctions you make. The difference is which is just about offering help rather than rubbernecking I think?

Meita you're not back yet, I have nothing more to add to what other posters have already said, but I hope if you have more thoughts you feel able to voice them

Wow that was really long and rambly . There are lots more comments I want to reply to but will shut up for a minute.

LoveSardines I have found out that some of the men in a workplace had a limp-based nickname for me. That made me feel great. cunts

Not my current workplace, this was years back we were all in our early twenties. It wasn't Hopalong, that was what my granddad called me

Still Sardines it was all just meant as a joke. Don't get too sensitive now.

Bastards