I gave a dummy and now feel like sh*t

[Writerwannabe83]

I don't know why I'm writing this post - mostly for reassurance I guess that giving a dummy doesn't make me a failure as a mom because that's how I feel.

DS is coming up 5 weeks and is breastfeed. I always said I'd never use a dummy in the early days (for various reasons) but things have not turned out as I planned. DS has the most horrendous colic and reflux and after days and nights of relentless crying and screaming I asked the HV to come round because me end DH are at breaking point.

She came round and as soon as I opened the door to her I just started crying - I went into total meltdown.

She was brilliant and we spoke for ages and came up with a plan of action and one step is to try a dummy when DS just won't settle. I was apprehensive but she said that we had to try as she could see I'm getting so down and stressed.

An hour ago we gave DS a dummy and I cried. I told my DH that I feel like we have just taken the easy option by 'sticking something in his mouth to shut him up'.

DS is now fast asleep in my arms - the dummy calmed him instantly. He is at the most relaxed now than he has been for over a week. I know that's a positive but I still feel guilty when I look at him and see this big dummy taking up half his little face

Little Sod is now point blank refusing to take it!!

I'm wondering if it's the taste of the Milton solution that's actually making him non-compliant ......

I'm adding my voice. I know you want to do everything perfectly, it's natural, and all the decisions you make seem so big now. But some babies just get comfort from a dummy. My first didn't but my second does (now 4mo).

In fact, now that you know he finds it so soothing, it would be mean not to use it! I think the guilt over dummies (I had it myself before I got a grip!) is purely because we call them dummies. If you think of it as a pacifier or soother, does that help?

Funny, though... As I type I am lying on the floor next to Baby's hammock plugging the dummy in each time it falls out! He flails around as he goes to sleep, and knocks it out. He does that in sleep transitions too, so it's a big curse at the moment! But he finds it so soothing that I'm hanging in there until he learns to put it back in himself.

If you do think it might be the Milton's putting him off, then you might want to try a dummy steriliser - just a little plastic box that you can put one or two dummies at a time in, and microwave. I found it really handy when I didn't want to run the whole steriliser just for the sake of a dummy!

Have just cracked here too. DS3 is 3 weeks old.

DS1 had a dummy as he was in NICU and tube fed. It allowed him to maintain a sucking reflex while we established breastfeeding. He had it until he was 2.5.

DS2 did not need a dummy, BF on demand no problems. Unfortunately it left me with the opinion that babies don't need dummies, that they are more trouble than they are worth, lazy parenting etc etc (obviously setting myself up for guilt with the 3rd)

DS3 sucks, chews, will not settle, ends up on the boob and annoyed that he doesnt' actually want milk, then he's so full of milk and has tummy ache and wind. Anyway, today i gave in and asked DH to pick up a dummy in town. An hour ago we gave it to him and looked so bloody relieved. We're having the calmest evening since he was born.

Do you know, I think I'm coming to realise, that some babies need them, some don't.

Americans do not call them "soothers" without good reason.