I feel like I don't love my 3-year-old

[inthewoods4]

Hi ladies,
I'm going through a horrible period of depression and anxiety, very similar to the pnd I had 3 years ago. I feel like I've lost my bond with my 3yr old. I feel like I no longer love her and feel trapped like I did when she was born. I really hope it gets better as I get better. Can anyone relate?

And will I get my bond back? Xx

I am so sorry to hear this, it must make you feel so sad to think the bond between you is suffering. It absolutely sounds to me like this is an effect of your depression, its not uncommon for depression to return. Are you getting help from anyone to deal with it?

I am 100% sure that once your depression is under control that your bond with your 3 year old will reappear. You might have to "go through the motions" with her whilst you are recovering, but your love for her is in there somewhere.

Don't give up!

Thank you for your reply - I really hope you're right. I'm on ADs and I'm having CBT. I work full-time and I manage to cope, but I just dread going home because I can't bear to look at my DD and feel numb, or just sad. It's really heartbreaking. XX

It is really heartbreaking - I am so sorry. I am sure things will improve with time.

I know its nowhere near the same, but I am currently expecting dc2 and been quite unwell with it. I find my 2 year old a real challenge at the moment, she's going through the terrible 2s just when I have the least patience. But I read something that said that you should aim to make them laugh, just once a day as a minimum and it will improve how you feel about them, and how well they respond to you. I have found it useful advice - and I know her well enough to know what will make her laugh. I find it really therapeutic.

Good luck xx

Thank you, I play a little game with her every night called 'I love you because...' I say why I love her and she says why she loves me. It's a nice way to end the day, even though I'm not quite feeling it inside. X

Hi OP, i had PND twice and have had similar relapses. In my experience, it did improve. Without wanting to tell you what you feel, i believe you do love your child, the depression is throwing you back to your PND and you are all mixed up between what you felt then and the reality now. I'm also having CBT right now (preparing for imminent new bout of PND once dc3 born in 9 weeks) and i do find it helps but I've not found it to be this magic solution i thought it would be, you have to put in some effort too which i wasn't expecting! Anyway, my relapse lasted about 4 months and am now coming out the other side in one piece, so it IS normal to relapse and you WILL get through it. You sound like you're doing all the right things and the fact you're aware of slipping back into it is great as it means you're prepared for fighting it again. Good luck.

Hi MaryAnn, thank you so much for your post, I'm so glad you're feeling better now. Have you taken any anti-d's to help? I know what you mean about cbt, I like going but I'm not sure if it's helping massively. I think you're right, I'm remembering how horrific the pnd was, and also I find it difficult trying to be bright and happy around my dd so I feel like I want to run away! I really hope you escape pnd this time round xxx

Hi OP, i didn't go back on the anti-ds mainly cos i had only found out was expecting and also was prob trying to convince myself the depression wasn't back. It was only about a month ago my h said he thought id relapsed and it kind of dawned on me i had. But id started the CBT by then too which made me feel generally more positive about things, taking control of things etc. As for escaping it this time round i have everything crossed for myself, i have the CBT, and i have a prescription for anti-ds at the ready!!! God only knows how it will all pan out, but here's hoping this time i actually get to enjoy having a baby, I'm desperate to know what that actually feel like.... X

I know, I would love to know what that feels like too! I always feel envious of new mums who are blissfully happy and loving every minute. I'm sure you will be fine, and you are so prepared you can act quickly. I can't wait to get my feelings back - I hate this lack of emotion. Sorry to ask, but when you relapsed did you find it hard to cope with the kids? I just feel so guilty all the time xx

No problem, ask away! I found it very hard yes. I quite frankly didn't want anything to do with them. I could handle one at a time but not both. Weekends were excruciating, i work full time and while the world was looking forward to the weekend i was wishing them away. It was also around Christmas so that was just dreadful and then the guilt of not being full of festive spirit was fucking awful!

That is exactly how I feel!! I work full time too, and when I'm there I kind of switch to normal me, but dread coming home. When I left work today everyone was so excited about the long weekend, but I just felt anxious and sad. It's a grim thing to go through. Thanks so much for sharing this, it really is reassuring to know I'm not alone xxx