Help 20 month old DS only wants me and he doesn't want me to have anyone else

[listsandbudgets]

I love him but its awful. I go for a shower and he stands at the bottom of the stairs calling for me, sreams if DP picks him up. He screams for me from hte cot and screams if DP comes instead. He gets into bed with us then tries to PUSH DP out shouting no. I had to leave him with dp the other day as he was sick and I was on jury service and he aparantly spent over an hour by the door shouting for me refusing to be comforted by dp before eventually going to sleep on the doormat.

I cuddle dd he hits her and pushes her away and starts screaming.

I cuddle dp the same happens.

This morning I had the audacity to let the cat sit on my lap.

DP and DD (and teh cat) are all obviously unhappy. DS is only happy if he's right next to me. I'm exhausted. I've not had a full nights sleep since I was about 7 months pregnant. I can't have a bath or a shower or a wee in peace without ds screaming "mama mama mama mama" over and over again.

This has been going on for about 2 months now. ds is fine at nursery but as soon as he's home it starts.

Please help, I'm exhausted, dp and dd are miserable and to be honest so am I :(

To start, I would just let him come with you when you have a bath or shower. No point in fighting a battle like that IMO.

His world has been turned upside down by a new baby so of course he needs you more. 20 months is still very little. Does he get any proper one on one attention from you?

(My ds also gets jealous of the cat sitting on my knee, seems bonkers to me too!)

sorry for any misunderstanding but DD is 8 so not exactly a new baby!! I've only got the 2. She's always been there. He gets lots of 1 on 1 attention and I am still breastfeeding him though only at night now.

See I disagree. He is starting to be old enough to understand that his screaming will get him what he wants.
This sounds rather extreme and would also drive me nuts.
What if you tried to go out more and left him with your husband? What is their relationship like? It sounds like it could do with some work.
Maybe take your daughter out for some one to one time?
The pushing and hitting his sister would be an absolute no, no for me. How do you respond when it happens?

I don't have any constructive advice but you are not alone. I have a 2.5 year old who is like this and has been pretty much from birth. It is getting a little bit easier now his speech and understanding are better but it is still quite wearing and I have no life.

All I know is that forcing him onto DH has proved totally counter productive and normally results in 24 hours of him being more limpet like than ever.

I try and make sure we all do things together and I let DH and his older siblings very much take the lead with him if there is anything particularly fun going on.

My mother insists it is all about control. That's as maybe but he is actually quite sweet natured and therefore if for whatever reason he is feeling insecure enough to need that control then so be it.

Just re read your post and somehow missed the bit about pushing his father out of the bed and hitting his sister. Luckily I don't have that to contend with and I think that probably is where you need to put your foot down. I do talk to my DS about how much I love the rest of the family and try to big them up a bit to him!

Ah sorry, I thought there was a new baby involved. Although I still don't think restricting his access to you needlessly will help. But anyway, ignore me

Just to state I am by no way an expert! But it sounds like extreme separation anxiety to me. I was just reding up on it out of interest recently & this site has diagnosis & ways to try and treat it. Just a thought

m.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-attachment/separation-anxiety-children

Does he go to any child care? If not could a morning or two help him get used to not always being with you?

How is your dp with him?- My baby's only little and I already get "he wants you". If he's ok in nursery then he is capable of being without you- maybe try not going to him but reassuring him that you're there "Mummy's here, mummy will be back" and leaving him to cry a little longer everytime. In the meantime dp sets about a charm offensive with ds favourite toy/game etc? Sorry for you though- not getting ant peace really sounds like the pits. If it's any consolation my nephew was like this and just seemed to grow out of it alongside deciding that his dad was the best thing EVER!

sorry re-read and saw that he does go to nursery.

My DD is quite clingy, and went through a stage of only wanting me and not her dad between 12-15months or so. It was really annoying but really I just had to leave them to it. My DH never got upset or offended, he just got on and looked after her even if she screamed! After about three times of saying goodbye and leaving to go out (to extreme protest) she got used to it, and now she at 17mo she loves spending time with him (currently even prefers him!!). I also resolved to leave her with my mum more, as she loves my mum. She has a small 'circle of trust' but it has widened and isn't just me anymore.

I expect it will pass quite soon :-)