Reluctant grandparent

[Bruntbearer]

I have just discovered that my 19yr old is pregnant - not ideal circumstances (her coil fell out).

I am knocked sideways by this - not angry or over-the-moon - but I feel as if I have suddenly leapt out of my own body and mind into the body and mind of a much older, intolerant and humourless woman. This is so not me and I guess the shock will subside.

Is this a common response (I'm 42)? Any feedback gratefully received.

Hi OP, I have no experience of this as my DC are much too young, but I didn't want to leave you unanswered. Maybe you would get more response if you re-posted in Teenagers?

So sorry to hear this OP. What a shock. My DD is 18 and this is something that has crossed my mind might happen.

What is she going to do? I know I would support my DD whatever she chose to do, life would go on.

My dad was like that when I got pg, OP. I was 36 He says because he wasn't expecting it, he felt forced into a major role without his consent.

He loves them both now and even lets them call him, 'Granddad.' When we initially were talking about, what shall everyone be called, gran, nanny etc. he said, "They can call me Sir."

I think your age and your DD' s circumstances are a red herring, it is a common reaction. Nowt to worry about. I sort of envy that yo get to be a young granny; I will probably be in my 60s when I meet mine.

God, OP, didn't mean to sound so flip, obvs this is a particular big deal because of the circs. But your feelings are proper and will fade, I bet

My DD is facing it head on and accepting her accelerated journey into parenthood - She is nothing if not brave.

She has all my support and there are fleeting moments when the thought of a little one around (occasionally, I hope!) and a pair of ears to read stories to is quite lovely. But it is like an out of body experience of pregnancy, as if I am doing it but not, if that makes any sense at all.

Total HF!!

I did wonder where to put this - there are a great number of places it might sit and it is ultimately about me as a parent and grandparent-to-be.

Dear Sparklyboots,

Your flippancy (not!) is heartwarming and reassuring - many thanks. It is just a state of shock, I think. At least I will still have energy to run around and play.

I think my first thoughts on impending grandmotherhood were similar. My eldest was 18 and my youngest just eight, I was looking forward to a few years of having no babies to care for, I certainly didn't need the extra stress of another hat to wear. I wasn't even in my 40s, I'm still not and my grandkids are 2 and 10 months.

But despite the extra stress and work they bring, I utterly adore my grandchildren, and the relationship between me and my daughter has developed into something close and lovely.

Good luck!

Dear Dwerf,

Everything you said I hear and mirror. I had hoped we might have a little more time for us both to establish independence. I have such an urge to head off travelling and to die my hair green!

Thank you - there is already a more appreciative change in DD and it may well be the making of her.

Right - off to the milliner's!!

I think my mother felt a bit like that when I told her I was pregnant with DD1 - I was 27 and she was 51. I think your feelings are very normal OP.

Dye your hair green anyway. I am refusing to act grandmotherly. My hair is currently short and dyed. If the grandkids want someone older and grandmotherly to look up to, they've got my own mum

I am a grandmother for the first time at 60, and a lot of my neighbours have become grandparents at your age and I envy them the energy.

it is like an out of body experience of pregnancy, as if I am doing it but not
I think that this is quite a common feeling for women who are close to their daughters. Weird, but you do get used to it.

Brunt - you sound like a very supportive mum, who is backing her daughter to the hilt despite the shock. I love that you describe her as brave. Given that you do come across in that way, I will risk a guess that your reaction when your grandchild arrives will wipe out all of the angst about your own role. No-one ever tells you that you are likely to fall in love in the instant, with feelings just as strong as those for your own child - different, but just as strong.

Grand-parenting in the 21st century does not make you old, it just keeps you young. If you let it

... and lots of good luck wishes.

Dear all,

Shock is settling, I am re-emerging and I am hugely grateful to all for your response, wisdom, affirmation and encouragement.

Redirected - thank you so much for tipping me into much needed tears.

So, all being well and healthy, etc....

X

Sorry!

No need for apology. Nowt wrong with a good cry.