Single Dad Daughter Help

[theplumber1]

I have recently become a single dad as my daughter has been placed with me following abuse at her old home . She has lost all self confidence , she will only wear 1 set of clothes and has great anger at her hair every morning. Any ideas how I can help her , I keep paying her compliments and offering to help with her hair, I have been on a shopping trip we bought lots of new clothes which she chose but once home she picks fault in them. She is 10

Some one with better advice will be along shortly but just wanted to wish you luck.

Have you contacted any support agencies on her behalf? School counselling etc.

I imagine what she needs is time to adjust and to feel safe and secure and realise you are her safe place. But additional support would also help.

It sounds a bit off the wall but would you be willing to post in the Adopters or Fostering sections? A lot of parents there are used to dealing with children who have been abused.

Poor girl, good luck to you.

Thanks , will go down both these roads of advice shortly

Even if you praise one one or looking good it can knock their confidence as they feel judged by their appearance. The most effective praise can be for effort. So tell your dd that she did a good job with her choices, that you had fun being with her etc and make the clothes seem unimportant.

Make it clear that being with her and her trying to do things is more important than any results and how she looks.

But it sounds like both of you will need a lot of help so do try to get some support in place.

Agree with kickassangel - it's really important that you help your daughter feel valued for herself, her character - not how she looks (I know that's not the only thing you value about her! Just to be careful not to risk it coming across that way).

It's particularly important for you to do this because as her dad, yours is the first and arguably most significant male relationship she will ever have in her life. From you, she will learn what men value in women, and it will shape the woman she becomes. Appearance is part of that ie encouraging her to like how she looks and be proud of her body etc, but obviously it's just one of many important things.

Poor girl, suffering what she has, I'm livid on her behalf. Glad she's with you now, I'm sure she'll be much better off.

Thank you everyone

I agree with at kickassangel too. Has she any hobbies she enjoys? Does she like sports? or music? Maybe getting her involved in a club where she can make new friends with similar interests who have topics of conversation away from looks will be beneficial. Would also be good for confidence building and developing social skills etc. Maybe focus on activities you can do together on a weekend that you both enjoy e.g. bowling or hiking or going to the cinema or something so you can show you value her company and it's not just about looks? You sound like a really caring dad who wants what is best for his daughter, I hope she gets to a happier place really soon.