How to tactfully speak to nursery about things you don't want them to do?

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DS has not been going to nursery very long and after being off unwell we're basically back to scratch with helping him settle.

Anyway, I am worried when he's unsettled they're using his dummy to calm him rather than doing the things I've said on the sheet (they made me fill in about his likes/dislikes etc).

How can I tactfully remind them to use the dummy for his naps only? I don't want to come across as one of those parents who micromanage.

Hmm I can see the other side tbh.

I'm a cm and I Definitely find we use comfort items more in the initial settling periods than a child usually would. They are adapting and I am still getting used to them and their ways. What works for you doesn't always work there and vice versa.

Do you know that they are using his dummy outside of the times you specified?

If not they will just deny it tbh.

I would probably just ask them "so how is DS dealing with things?" Then go through your list of likes/dislikes/wants and ask for feed back on each thing. When you get to the dummy routine just pointedly state the importance of following the routine.

Let them use the dummy to settle him back in and then wean him back off it again. Or don't and let him cry and not be distracted by anything because he is to upset to function.

I realise i sound harsh, but with 12 years of childcare under my belt gives me some kind of insight.

What we tend to do is keep them calm with the dummy and lots of cuddles, and getting them interacting with the carers and toys and when they build up their confidence we either don't give it to them, or when it gets dropped pick it and remove it from view. This works really well especially when you are settling or resettling a child into nursery it lets them settle in their own time with out forcing them 'to get on with it'

If you are adamant that you don't want him to have it during the day, then tell them that you would prefer his dummy was kept in his cot so he only had it at sleep times.

Don't forget you can keep your routine at home so he doesn't get to used to having it all them time.

Ok I can see your point. Of course I'd much rather he was calm with a dummy than really upset without. I think my problem then is more, is that what they're doing then or have they just not read that sheet properly.

I will have a casual chat at pick up about how he's been in the last few days & take it from there.

Why not just say you're happy for them to use it in the short term if he's not distractable.

Tbh unless he's 3+ years old I'd just go with it for now. It's so hard to get them settled. I'd have been glad if my dummy refusers had something to stop the upset in the first weeks.

Let them use the dummy until he settles again. Nurseries (despite their marketing material) can't possibly do things precisely the way you would do them or want them done because they're not you and they have a different environment. Babies are very good at recognising that though, and you needn't worry that using the dummy more at nursery will necessarily mean he needs it more at home.

Perhaps leave it a little while till he is more settled - If you trust that its a well run nursery they will presumably be using instinct and making sure he is calm and safe before anything else

I know it's so hard when a child career does things differently but now with our childminder I just never ask about things like naps - she has her ways and I don't even dwell on whether they are different to mine.

Better he feels safe there than associates it with streas