Mother's parenting punishment style to my three year old.

[supremelmp]

It was my daughter's birthday a couple of days ago. She just turned three but very advanced for her age, so my mother decided to present her with a minnie mouse ballerina statue to keep on her bookcase. It was her's when she was a little girl and I think her's mother's as well. When she opened the present we had a big talk with her about looking after it and it was to go on top of her bookcase where she couldn't reach but she could look at it. My mum told me she had hopes that she'd grow up with it and pass it on to her children. Anyway yesterday I went to a uni lecture and my mum was looking after her. When I got back my daughter had been put to bed (it was lunchtime bit odd for her) and found my mum very upset in the lounge. Apparently my mother was showing her how the statue's mouth moved when you pulled a lever at the back so it looked like it was talking. Apparently the phone rang and she nipped in the next room to grab it, literally 2 seconds (I only live in a small flat) and my daughter picked up the statue and threw it against the wall. Breaking apart of it off. My mum was devastated and smacked her bum and put her in the naughty corner for 15 mins. She also told her that she'd hurt minnie mouse and now she could never get better and it was her fault. Apparently she also said to her about how she changed her mind about taking her to disney in a couple of months time as a late birthday present and now the princesses would never want to see her, then put her to bed to 'think about what she'd done'. Went in to see my daughter and her face was streaked with tears. She said she'd done something really bad and she was really really sorry and didn't want the princesses to hate her. (She's obsessed with disney princesses she's been excited about this holiday for weeks now). I told my mum it was too excessive of a punishment but she's standing her ground saying that she deserved it and she would have done the same with any other child. She said she'd never learn if you just told her it was wrong put her in time out for 3 mins and then gave her a cuddle. We've fallen out now other it, but was talking to my boyfriend about it and while he wasn't big on the smacked bum he agrees with her with the rest of it. Now its 2 against one and I'm doubting my parenting skills when my daughter does something wrong. What do you think of the way she handled it?

she smacked her.
She gave her a time out for much longer than is recommended at that age.
She guilt tripped her.
She removed another treat.
She put her to bed.

Just how many punishments does a 3yo need? And sorry but no, I would not leave my ds with a treasured family heirloom, even for a minute. He has a habit of breaking things, not out of malice but out of misuse because he likes seeing how things work and how they're put together and what they do if you use them in a different way. How do we know the op's dd 'threw it at a wall'? Sorry but in no circumstances were those punishments measured, justified or appropriate.

BettercallSaul, it is more possible to take that approach with one's own child, not with a grandchild one doesn't see every day. A mother/ everyday carer has the chance to test a child, and see him/her develop; whereas this GM seem to have just tried to jump to the end of such a socialisation process, with the rather naively abrupt introduction of a fragile toy.

Also, a parent has many successes and failures over the days, months and weeks, whereas a grandparent's experiences of a child are so much more restricted, so if a visit goes badly, it probably seems like a very big thing, and probably led to this GM's overreaction, whereas a parent might have seen a child tired from a bad night, and just scale back any plans, in order to reduce stress, not bring in a high-stress "introduction" to Minnie! Perhaps grandparentds ought to be a bit less hung up on "special" moments, which cause stress and distress when/if they go wrong!

ignores the fact it was a naff statue

I wonder what really happened to break it. Does she chuck stuff about?

I can see why your mum was cross but she should have kept her temper in check. She was foolish for leaving a three year old with something so important to her.

At the end of the day, it's a broken object and your daughter was careless. The reason your mum was so upset is because it held emotional significance for HER, and while I understand that it was upsetting for her, she should not have allowed her own emotions to influence her response to the situation. What I condemn about her actions more than the 15 mins in her room, is how she made the punishment emotional. Telling a 3 year old that the princesses wouldn't like her anymore or want to see her is only going to create anxiety and heartbreak for your little girl. If your mum had wanted to give a harsher punishment than the usual time out, at least she could have done it calmly and in control and simply told her she needed to go to her room because she did a naughty thing by throwing the statue. My mum used emotions as punishment when I was growing up and it has affected me more than I care to admit. If she can't see that her words were cruel and damaging then I wouldn't leave my daughter alone in her care. (I wouldn't actually leave my dc's alone in my mum's care for that very reason!)

This is my post. Sorry I didn't reply forgot my password and basically got locked out of my account. Some reason the reset wouldn't work. I haven't read through all replies yet as have had alot going on. Recently had to got to court for restraining orders against daughter's father and also have to act as a witness as he's getting done for underage grooming.

I have a three yr dd. here's a few things hope helps x

1. no one inc my mother smacks my kid. End of!

2. if it's precious don't give it to 3yr old

3. if daft enough to tgen it's your fault as the adult in the room when the inevitable happens. It def will.

4. never be so mean as to say things like princesses will hate her. That's petty childish vindictive and nasty.

5. removal of holiday is ott and vindictive.

Your mum I'm sorry is being a nasty mean child. If anyone needs slapping back into line, it's her not dd.

Sorry x

Bloody hell op, you have got a plate full, sounds like you could do with your mum in your corner at the minute, are you still at odds with her?

Even if she doesn't look after dd for ever a while,I hope you can get back on track with her.

What the others said. Your mother is massively out of line and unreasonable. I hope you take your poor DD to Disneyland.

It is me that is taking her. I was paying for her and my mother and myself all to go for a week. Apparently my mum was just using it as a threat to get her to be good. I've had to ring her today to let her know my daughter is ill, i've just picked her up from nursery and waiting to go to the doctor and my mum's on her way so we shall see what she's like with me when she gets here. x

Good luck OP. Hope your did feels better soon. And all the court stuff is going well.
You really have a LOT on your plate atm.

See how your mum is this time. But be reassured that you were right to think she was over the top (you might want to 'train' your bf too)