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Parenting

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Original poster

Would I be a bad mum if........?

27 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 23/02/2014 19:13

Would I be a bad mum if I asked dh to take dd to her 1 year immunisations? The reason being I've really got myself into such a state about them. Dd1 had them and after she was a nightmare and I can remember the crying during and after, I cried with her. It completely breaks my heart. I would be waiting for her once they r done. I feel really bad saying this.
Also I am just wondering/hoping not every child has such a strong reaction to the jabs like dd1, it literally changed her afterwards.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BuzzardBird · 23/02/2014 19:14

Sounds like a good idea to me. You crying with her is really not going to help re phobias

MrsDavidBowie · 23/02/2014 19:18

As long as he doesn't react like you, he should take her. But will you be the same for all vaccinations?

releasethehounds · 23/02/2014 19:20

I've had to do all the medical stuff with my DDs as DH hasn't got the stomach for it. So why not the other way round? I think women tend to be judged more than men on these issues.

How does your DH feel about doing it?

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kslatts · 23/02/2014 19:44

It sounds as though it would be better for your DH to do it. Don't feel bad about it.

CuntyBunty · 23/02/2014 19:45

Nah, it's fine and a sensible idea. Your DD has two parents, so why not?

Passmethecrisps · 23/02/2014 19:47

DH took dd because he looks after her on the day it was booked. Mind you, I still felt bad not being there. She just needs comfort and by the sounds of it her dad will be better served and you can be safe in the knowledge that she is getting it.

There is absolutely no reason at all that your DH should not do it.

ZingSweetMango · 23/02/2014 20:02

give her calpol 20 mins before and a piece of chocolate straight after.

mine cry way less since I started doing it!

but no, you are not a bad parent - although I think it will do you good to toughen up a bit and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

if you cry with her she might get more upset - as she sees you upset you are giving her a message that the situation is totally awful.
you need to learn to pretend a bit and hide your feelings - she needs you to be strong to make her feel safe.

(you can always cry afterwards!)

I hope you see what I mean by that and good luck with it.

Chopsypie · 23/02/2014 20:06

I haven't taken either of my kids to any of their immunisations, after having a panic attack when the midwife did DS's heel prick.

DH takes them. I'm sure I would be fine, as I won't be a hormonal weeping mess like I was that time, but I'm happy to let him.

No one has ever said anything to me, do whatever works best for you. Better for the little one to be kept calm by dad then become upset because they sense your upset

Guitargirl · 23/02/2014 20:10

Of course you wouldn't be a bad mum, if your DH is ok with it then why not?

But you do need to prepare yourself that there will be things that are going to physically and emotionally hurt your DD in the future and you probably won't be able to opt out of them all as easily as this. Sorry, that probably sounds really patronising...

My DD cried for a minute or two after each vaccination, my DS sobbed for hours and looked at me as though I had mutilated him for ages. But changed him afterwards? No.

RebeccaJames · 23/02/2014 22:33

OP, what do you mean it "changed her afterwards"? Is that as scary as it sounds?

hippo123 · 24/02/2014 08:05

Sounds like a sensible solution to me. You are aware that you can always decline, delay or space out vaccinations aren't you? Your last line doesn't sound to great.

gamerchick · 24/02/2014 08:07

Course not... I think I attended 1 set of needles with 1 of my 3 kids... I couldn't even be in the room for the heel prick test. That's what dads are for.

Ragwort · 24/02/2014 08:21

Sounds very sensible - I have no problem with taking my DS for vaccinations or even to hospital when he had a very serious operation but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to take him to the dentist. I am not a dentist phobic - I go quite happily on my own - but just have a real horror of sitting with him while he is in the dentist chair or even being in the waiting room. He is about to start orthodontal work now and I am dreading it (for me ).

But to answer your question, why on earth shouldn't dads be the ones to take their children for vaccinations or any other treatment - yet another thing to make mums feel guilty over.

MorganLeFey · 24/02/2014 15:22

Just re. the Calpol before idea... Paracetamol reduces the response to vaccinations (measured antibodies) but the point is to have a decent response to give immunity - so giving it in advance/just in case/automatically afterwards (or even if there is a fever as long as OK in themselves) may not be best idea.

Anyhow - 2nd sending someone else because I think especially at preschool jabs how the adult behaves is a big influence on the child! Just make sure it's someone who also has parental responsibility or you go along too in case there are any consent issues.

Wibblytummy · 24/02/2014 15:27

My DH comes to nearly all imms appointments if he can. I visibly flinch when I see the needle and have an urge cry along with my kids too as I think needles are horrid. I'm in the room but look after the child not being jabbed and DH holds and comforts the poor one up for the needle. This way hopefully I don't pass on my fears/phobias!

MrsMcEnroe · 24/02/2014 15:35

I did this with my DD (our 2nd DC). I had done all the vaccination appointments up at that point, but was so traumatised by DS' pre-school boosters (3 injections, in the thighs, with him screaming and trying to tear the needles out) that I insisted that DH take DD to her pre-school booster appt.

Apparently she didn't even whimper, and chattered away happily to the nurse the entire time. Didn't even notice the needles.

MrsMcEnroe · 24/02/2014 15:36

Oh - so basically OP, do it, it doesn't make you a bad mother if your DH goes to the appointment!

MiaowTheCat · 24/02/2014 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackanory1978 · 24/02/2014 20:00

Dh will have to take ds to his one year jabs cos I'll be at work.

BocaDeTrucha · 24/02/2014 20:34

Can't see why you need to ask, tbh. No where is it written anywhere that the dm needs to take the dc for their jabs so if course it doesn't make you a bad mum. Dh works for himself so is always available to take ds for any doctor appointments and I don't feel like a bad mum.

Like a pp said, probably sounds like the best for all concerned if you're going to cry. Do you yourself have some kind of needle phobia?

IdaClair · 24/02/2014 20:37

Would your do be a terrible father if you took them!?

Dh took the baby for all three infant sets, I was at work.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 24/02/2014 20:40

He SHOULD take them IMO. It's not helpful for you to pass on your anxiety.

I know how you feel, BTW, DS has been distraught at every one of his no matter how upbeat and relaxed I was about it (he was always relaxed beforehand too!)

DH has promised to take any future children! (He's not DS' dad or he'd have taken him too!)

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 24/02/2014 20:42

We have our strengths. I do educational stuff, he does scary stuff! I'm awful and pick up on DS' anxiety along with my own and make him worse.

HelenHen · 25/02/2014 09:46

Of course let him take him. I end up in a worse state than ds every time and I wish dh could go cos he'd be so much better. Last time a friend came and offered to do it but then the silly guilt set in and I couldn't let her. I hate them! Thankfully ds is much better than me... He just looked shocked and cried for s few seconds.

BotBotticelli · 25/02/2014 20:00

gawd let your OH do it!! Me and DH both went to the docs for DS's 1 year jabs. The nurse took one look at my face and suggested i should wait outside in the coridoor!! DH ended up holding him for all3 jabs.

I just find it so hard to hear him crying in pain :(

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