I don't think there is another single child on the planet as miserable and foul tempered as mine!

[Nancyclancy]

My dd will be 3 in May. From the age of about 18 months she has been bloody hard work.
She is the youngest of 4, so I know about the terrible two's etc but she is just so much worse then her 3 brothers ever were.

I feel like she runs our lives. She is a screamer which is very difficult to ignore and will scream for no reason whatsoever. She's bloody miserable 95% of the time.
She's a fussy eater and I've just about given up with her eating. It's got to the point where I've almost stopped taking her out because she's so naughty. If we visit friends she just constantly wants to get back in the car.

It's getting to the point where (I'm ashamed to say) starting to resent her.

My dh keeps saying I'm too soft but what am I supposed to do?????? Beat her??? I tell her off and do not let her get her own way but it's not made a blind bit of difference.

She started pre school just after christmas and she loves it. The staff all sing her praises. So I know she can be good, just not for me!

Any suggestions???

Sounds really tough. Have a look in your library to see if they have any books by Dr Tanya Byron. Little Angels is out of print but they may have a copy. House of the tiny Tearaways is in print and is very good.

Good luck

I think there's something different about little girls this age: their vocabulary and communication skills allow for much more sophisticated and multi-faceted whinges than toddler boys :)

I sympathise having dc3 a girl after two boys I have been driven mad. It's getting better at age 3.5 and I really notice the difference between her having a good night's sleep and not.

Hugs to you. Can you make any time for a special activity together every day? Dd and I do colouring and stickers with a cbeebies magazine for about 10 minutes before bed which makes a nice contrast to the threenage strops we have the rest of the time!

Good she be very bright and need the stimulation of pre-school? I think my youngest really missed having her older 3 siblings to bounce off/observe/annoy when they were at school and she wasn't.

In fact she was the easiest baby in the world until she learnt to walk at 17 months and then she turned into this mini teenager overnight who wanted to be treated the same as her older siblings!! It has improved with age though

My daughter was like this. It does get better. She seemed to turn a corner a few months ago and is (mostly) a delight now.

She's 17.

My 3rd ds was like this, I often considered he was autistic. His dislike of crowds ie toddler group, he craved routine, order and had meltdowns if if didn't go his way.

He was a dream at preschool as he was obsessed by rules.

I convinced myself that what annoyed me about him would be the making of him, he is now almost 8 and g and t in 2 areas at school and seriously excelling at his sport. He is 1 of 4. He is so happy now and so my h happier and easier!

Hang in there. Her stubbornness will be the making of her as a woman!!!!

My 3rd is the same, I have never known such a wilful child. He also sounds a lot like your ds bish, routine, dislike of crowded places and awful meltdowns.

My dd2 was miserable and akward at this age, she would be difficult when out so I would give her one chance and then take her home

This did eventually work as we stopped going out and she asked and I said you don't behave so we can't go out

This seemed to sink in

She was still miserable..

She got very close to me at nine and has been until reaching about 14 but it no where near as difficult a teen as she was at three

my ds(12) is also like this, at itsnotunusual. there is hope then!

Thanks for all of your replies, I'm relieved I'm not the only one to experience this.

bish I too thought about autism. Although she's been fine at pre school she used to loathe toddler groups and would shriek if another child came anywhere near her. I stopped taking her for ages and then attempted it again and she wasn't as bad. She maintains eye contact and because she's settled well at pre school and interacts I'm not as concerned as I was.

She goes to pre school twice a week (mornings) and comes out buzzing. When her funding comes in I'm going to send her every morning. She talks about the other children and really seems to enjoy being there. I think it really helps that I'm not with her.

I'm going to keep saying to myself that this could be the making of her and that she's going to grow up to be a powerful independant woman, when she's screaming her little head off! ??

I sympathise. My DD2 is like this. Miserable all the time and constantly tantrumming. She is 6. I have no words of help, just wanted to say I feel your pain!

You're definitely not alone, my 3yo DD is like this too. I'm quite strict with her but it makes a blind bit of difference most days.

She also excels in preschool so I sometimes wonder if I don't stimulate her enough. Whenever we go out though she won't interact with other kids unless she knows them very, very well.

No words of advice but you're not alone.

3rd children are notoriously awkward

I don't think my ds is autistic at all, he is sociable and popular now, he probably is on the spectrum, he still hates anything u expected, but then so do I!!!!

My DD is sociable and has eye contact. Also quite severe autism. They aren't diagnostic criteria. Just wanted to correct that misconception.

Not saying either of your children are on spectrum..of course I cant say that. If you arent thinking they have any real issues in that respect I'm sure they are fine :)

My DS is the same. I do think to some extent all 3 (or nearly 3) year olds are miserable and screamy a lot of the time..its hard knowing you can have control but don't most of the time.

My aim now is to remain patient, calm and empathetic as much of the time as possible.

A book I found helpful was 'toddlercalm' - especially the bit about all the traits you see in a toddler being positives in an adult, for example 'wilful' is just the word we use to describe 'strong willed' or 'determined' in an adult (the only reason it's a negative thing in a child is because we want them to do what we say and not have an opinion about it) - I'm trying (very hard because it's very difficult) to see the world from DS's perspective...how much control does he have, really, of his own life? and how frustrated would I be in that position? and would I keep quiet about it? (no I bloody well would not!)

the food thing...have you seen the infant and toddler forum? it's really helped me realise that fussiness is totally normal in toddlers. all I do now is offer a selection of healthy food (the same as we eat) and let him get on with it (or not)

you say she's naughty but a child of this age has a very small brain - really only capable of trying to get their needs met, I personally don't believe they have the brain capacity to work out something is annoying or inconvenient for you and do it on purpose to piss you off..but I accept I may be the minority in this way of thinking!

and as for the 'she behaves at nursery and saves it all for me' - I think it's hard work being 'good' in a nursery environment and I think it's actually a good sign that she feels comfortable and safe enough in your presence to let go and be herself

I really sympathise..DS is just as you describe but I think the best we can do is lower our expectations and stress levels and help them deal with their huge feelings. I also think giving them as much control as possible helps ease their frustration somewhat

Oh no you don't get to claim that award, OP, I submit 9yo DS who picks fights with everyone constantly. He was ok at nursery but has been mostly a disaster zone at school & usually gets kicked out of clubs or activities. No one understands him, least of all his parents. Arrggghh. Does not tick enough boxes for anything (I imagine his XYZ condition might be discovered in about 200 years).

Supposedly one of my dad's step sisters was similar. As a child, described as "ornery" by her own mother.