Dear children...

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Following on from dear husband, what confession do you have to make to your dc? (Not too serious by the way) I'll start.
Dear sons. When we moved and you couldn't find your box of "precious things" total junk ? We didn't pack it. Sorry.

[purplemurple1]

taking notes for DS(5 months)

in fact I may use some of these on OH! - Its white wine with red dye in it we don't have any red wine.

[yolothankgod]

.

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

Dear DDs
Do you remember how I used to read that book about the bear over and over again, a dozen times a day, at your request? Well, we didn't leave it on the bus, it's just that I couldn't read it one more time without screaming at the sound effects you did. And the nice man at the bookshop didn't really try to get you another copy, I never asked him.

Sorry. But we did read loads of other books. xxx

[LastingLight]

Dear DD

Your room doesn't magically expand to accommodate all the stuff you get for your birthday and Christmas. When you're not home your dad and I remove black bags full of junk stuff from your room which goes into the bin/recycling. Since you have very, very rarely missed any of it I think we can safely assume that you have way too much of it.

[Purplehonesty]

Ds: when you want what I am eating and I tell you it is marmite, it's not. It's usually chocolate.
Dd: sometimes when you ask for calpol I give you water in the syringe and you smile and go off to sleep. I think you are a druggie in the making

[MehQueen]

Dear DS1 & DS2,

I don't really have special psychic powers.......... I just kept the baby monitor hidden in your room for many years after it was needed and that's how I always knew what you had been up to.

You may relax now you are at Uni.

Or can you?

Mwah, hah, hah

[marmitecat]

Dear dcs,

Cauliflower is not, in fact, a type of fish. The accident I had with the toy keyboard was not at all accidental. Your tongue does not turn green when you lie.

Love mummy

[Ballsballsballs]

DNs

Your dad - my STBXBIL - is an utter fucknugget who spent the last year thinking with his dick, and DSis will be well shot of him.

I don't tell you what I think of him because he is your Dad, whatever shitty things he has done. But mostly because you are both wonderful and I don't want to make you suffer any more. You rock my world.

Love
Auntie B

[2anddone]

Dc
Even though for the past 8 years I have taught you that chocolate is not a breakfast food I have pain au chocolate when we stay in hotels and call it pain au Marmite!
I dont really need you to go to bed with no fuss so I can get on with jobs its so I can watch what I want on tv!

[admiralclingus]

Dd,
Nanny and grandads cat has not gone to live with pretty nanny and gangan in Spain.
She went out one night and never came back and we don't know what happened to her :(

[Ballsballsballs]

Pain au Marmite

[TheArmadillo]

Dd

Gromit did not decide to go visit grandad at work. When you lost him, grandad very kindly scoured the shops for one and brought him home for you.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Dear DS,

When Father Christmas told you naughty William wasn't going to get any presents this year, he made you so happy ... And mummy a million horrors that you'd tell him next day at nursery. And Father Christmas, THINK before you speak :)

You are my world and my only reason for living, and it's really hard not to show you that all the time. I don't want you to feel responsible for an adult, and I hope I disguise it well enough.

Oh and when I'm very stern, I'm actually trying very hard not to laugh, and putting on my best 'be a proper adult' acting. You are a very funny little boy.

[6tantrumsaday]

Dear
DSS1- I don't tell you to talk to your dad because he knows more about football than me. I just can't listen to you talk about it anymore.

DD- I lie and agree with my friends when they tell me that having a DD like myself is easier. It's actually really hard and I worry about you so much because you are so shy and it's my fault because I was the same. I do love reading train books with you though.

DS- those green things are not little trees. It's broccoli but you seem to object to that name and it drives me mad. Also you had 3 more easter eggs last year but you forgot about them so I ate them and I am not really sorry for it either.

All DCs- the keyboard isn't broken I just couldn't take it anymore so I took the batteries out. Also orange mash is carrot not special potato. Also we don't have pizza on Saturdays as a treat for eating your vegetables in the week. We have it because I don't want to cook again,I just want to watch tv and do nothing.

I love you all very much though
Mummy (B)
Xxxxx

[HawkeyeInChaos]

Dear dd (3),
I'm sorry the last 7 months have been so hard for you. It has been a massive adjustment for you to have a younger brother. And I know that it has taken my time and attention away from you, which is so different from before when my world revolved around you. And I'm sorry that at times I have mishandled things. But I'm learning too, and I'm doing the best I can. I'm sorry that at times it is not good enough. Please know that I love you so much, and it breaks my heart every time I let you down.

Love

Mummy

[Whyjustwhy]

Dear dd, the toilets you saw in the field were not 'cow toilets'. They were left there after a festival.
Now you're 12 I should probably put you straight.

Mum xx

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Some of these are great.

[SuffolkNWhat]

Dear DD1

99% of the things I tell you have nuts in don't. I want to eat them in peace.

[Sortyourmakeupout]

Dear ds,dd1 and dd2,

Mummy hasn't forgotten something yet again upstairs, I'm hiding from all three of you wondering how I'm going to get through the day.

Dd1, the little red mark that you had on your forehead when you were a baby wasn't a kiss from your grandad you didn't get to meet. It was because you were coming out face first.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

We had broccoli trees. (Still do and they are in their 20s) white trees didn't work though.(still hate cauliflower)
Tvs in our new town would still play your Thomas the Cunting tank engine tape. But I threw it in the skip as we left.
Sorry.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Love the pizza night confession 6tantrums - you're not the only one with that there's at least one more
I see you had an Easter egg confession too

[capsium]

Dear ds,

The Apple TV does not need the iPad (which you father has taken to work) to control it. We have a remote control. I just do not want to supervise your viewing.

Get on with your homework,

Love,

Mum.

[AFsalterego]

Lies

[Limelight]

I have another one! They always seem to be conversations I've had with my DS. Clearly I don't think I'll get away with it with DD. Or something.

So...

Dear DS (and your friends at school to whom you relayed this information)

Gangnam Style is not illegal in our London borough. It is not a little known council by-law.

It's just shit.

Mam x

PS Why do you believe me?! I mean, come on! You're nearly 7...

[madmomma]

Dear children, I eat lots of chocolate behind your back. I buy it and eat it whenever I want. Like, not just after a meal. Sorry. My teeth are awful though and I don't want yours to be.