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Original poster

Kids from Married Parents do significantly better than those from Cohabitating parents

216 replies

drosophila · 06/08/2006 20:39

According to Gloria Hunniford this morning on 'Heaven and Earth'. They were having a debate about marriage Vs commitment without marriage and Gloria announces that according to research (she didn't provide a source) kids do much better (not sure what she meant perhaps academically) if their parents are married than if they simply live together.

DP and I have been together for 18years and we have two kids. Are our kids worse off than say a couple who have been married for say 5 years. I'm not against marriage particularly just wonder where we would get the time to do it.

Anyone care to share their thoughts?

OP posts:
fennel · 07/08/2006 16:15

For those that stubbornly resist getting married, it's actually not too hard to regulate things yourselves apart from a couple of problem areas. Parental responsibility agreements are free to do and not that hard once you've put your mind to it. Making a will can be simple (that website I linked to below gives a template to follow so you don't need a solicitor to do it).

really, it's risky being a cohabitee if you are a stay at home parent, as if you split they won't count your contribution as worth anything if you weren't married. if you are dual earners and jointly own property it's generally ok though. so SAHMs should get married!

what you can't do is get a spouse's pension if your pension company doesn't accept cohabiting partners. and you can't easily avoid inheritance tax on property you jointly own. that last affects people in London mostly, where house prices are often above the inheritance tax exemption limit.

Caligula · 07/08/2006 16:19

I think the problem with giving co-habitees the same rights as married couples, is that you then de facto abolish the right to live together without being treated as married. Whether that's a right worth fighting for, is up for debate (and I'm not sure what side I'm on with that) but it's something to bear in mind.

Tatties · 07/08/2006 16:27

`n Monday, 7 August, 2006 9:18:06 AM

"I don't want to get married, nor does DP. there are things about marriage - connotations of it and the legal issues - which don't appeal to us at all. for us it is related to patriarchal systems of owning women as property (I know this is a historical thing rather than current but you still see traces of it in the legal system, where wives are still treated as "dependents"), and also it has religious connotations we would like to distance ourselves from. "

Exactly how I feel Fennel. I'd be really interested to hear more about your research study.

Totally understand where you are coming from Drosophila, you want to stand by your principles but you don't want to cut off your nose to spite your face either. I am in the same dilemma.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
fennel · 07/08/2006 16:31

there's also a problem in specifying who exactly is cohabiting. and who's just flat sharing. or what about couples who are on and off. etc.

and it's hard to distinguish between the long term serious couples and the "casual" cohabitees.

but none of that really justifies, IMHO, why cohabiting partners can't go on pension schemes, I can't see why everyone can't have someone they choose to share their pension with, be it spouse, partne, sibling or friend. nor why anyone, married or not, can't choose who their next of kin is in case of medical emergency. That would cost nothing and single people without partners would also often like the right to choose who will represent them. at the moment it's spouse, or parents if you aren't married.

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 16:32

i just can't be bothered to get married. the moment has passed, and i quite like my name as it is

Tatties · 07/08/2006 16:33

I think you would need to somehow 'declare' that you are co-habiting, in order to gain equal rights. Why can't there just be a 'co-habitation register' to sign?

ocd · 07/08/2006 16:34

there is its called a register

THATS MY POINT!!!!!

you dont want to get marreid but you want lal the perks
so get marruied!!!!

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 16:36

i want to be free!

lindac · 07/08/2006 16:36

me and my dh been together 25years and been married 2 yrs today

ocd · 07/08/2006 16:37

ha
you kiddeth yourself
nbt you dont want ot be free
you want to be tied
hence the cohabiting

CountessDracula · 07/08/2006 16:39

I can't see the difference really. If you are co-habiting, have a house and kids together then why not just get married if it confers more rights on you? And if you don't want to then don't whinge about the lack of rights afforded a status you have chosen not to have.

ocd · 07/08/2006 16:41

go cd
go cd

anyeay then you can be smug

Tatties · 07/08/2006 16:43

Some of the reasons why people don't want to get married are explained below. Getting married isn't simply a case of signing a piece of paper is it? I quite understand that marriage does not have to signify a big do, but if you haven't grown up with the preconception that marriage is just the 'done thing' or a necessary part of a stable relationship then even a small civil ceremony is very hard to get your head around.

ocd · 07/08/2006 16:44

well fgs there cant be opitns for everyone
either ssign up or dont
what if youwere a vegatai

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 16:45

i'd look stupid in a wedding dress with flowers argh

fennel · 07/08/2006 16:55

Other countries do seem to manage a few more options in this area.

I do see why people say "if you don't like it just get married" but would it be so difficult to accept that some people do have a strong ideological objection to marriage, even if you don't see why (just as many people have strong religious beliefs which I don't share but might recognise as valuable to those people)?

It does annoy me that the main reason there are few rights for cohabitees in the UK is because of pressure by religious organisations for there to be no rights, in case it "undermines marriage". So it's not just chance, it's a systematic decision which gives cohabitees no rights. as someone posted earlier, there were such rights at one point and they were removed.

stitch · 07/08/2006 17:01

why waste taxpayers money to reinvent the wheel?
getting married doesnt take any time or money. a trip to the register office. you dont need any of the other stuff. just two witnesses.

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 17:14

i think the main thing with me is the cost. it's hard enough paying for the mortgage and looking after two children. doing it 'on the cheap' wouldn't really be a great option as i have a huge family and to not invite them would be unfair (and cause ructions).

also would have to get a loan to pay for it. it would be great to win some money to do it, but at the moment it's just not an option.

the name thing is another reason but i've just found this!

CountessDracula · 07/08/2006 17:21

but it costs bugger all

And you don't have to wear a meringue or carry flowers
you can get married in a bin bag for £30 if you want

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 17:29

yes but who would really want a £30 wedding

FioFio · 07/08/2006 17:30

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CountessDracula · 07/08/2006 17:31

but if it is just a bit of paper to ensure you have the rights it confers then who cares?

Plus I thought you didn't even want a wedding! You said you couldn't be bothered! It would just be putting your name on a register

ocd · 07/08/2006 17:36

shes gagginto get hitcvhed
they all are
imfo any woman shwo says she isnt bothered is lying

southeastastra · 07/08/2006 17:37

i know sometimes i want to because of all the legal things, other times i can't be bothered about it.

FioFio · 07/08/2006 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn