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Parenting

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Original poster

Gap between children - opinions wanted!

23 replies

IBakeThereforeIAm · 13/02/2014 20:02

Hi, I know this has been done lots of times but I just wanted to see what opinions were out there - I had hoped to have approx 3 years between my dc (have 1 ds so far, plan to stop at two) but circumstances mean that we'll try for either 2.5 or 3.5 years gap. My preference is longer gap (I'm rubbish at being pregnant, want my body to fully recover to reduce risk of spd) but I'm worried my dc won't be as close - opinions?

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Mumof3xx · 13/02/2014 20:04

I waited four years and still got spd again!

I have a 16 month gap and then a 4 year one

They both have good and bad points tbh

holycowwhatnow · 13/02/2014 20:05

My children have a 10 year gap. So not what was planned but lovely as it turns out. I'm envious of people who can plan so minutely. It'll be lovely however it happens.

ShoeWhore · 13/02/2014 20:08

I have small gaps and love it. My friend has 4 yrs and loves that gap, although now they are 10 and 14 they don't seem to do much together (but maybe that will happen with my dcs at that age too)

Thing is you can't really plan it that precisely, you might aim for 2.5 and end up with 3.5.

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AGoodPirate · 13/02/2014 20:08

You might not be able to plan it.

A year won't make that much difference to be honest.
Especially once they are 20+ years old!

They might have compatible or incompatible personalities no matter the age difference.

Original poster

IBakeThereforeIAm · 13/02/2014 20:08

Thanks for your reply - I know it's not just up to us to decide but I am a keen one for planning

OP posts:

Original poster

IBakeThereforeIAm · 13/02/2014 20:10

I meant replies plural (but auto correct doesn't think that's a word)

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MiaowTheCat · 13/02/2014 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lechers · 14/02/2014 02:07

Within reason*, I think age is largely irrelevant to how close children are, and gender and personality can be much more important.

My DDs have a three year age gap, but get on brilliantly, and always play together. The siblings I know who hate each other the most? The ones with a one year age gap. The sibling rivalry is SO intense, the siblings even go so far as to say they hate each other. My girls get on better than many of their friends with a closer age gap, but I don't think the age gap is relevant, I think it's actually down to them having compatible personalities.

I say within reason, because once the gap becomes too big, they're at totally different stages, and so that will affect the relationship.

ancientbuchanan · 14/02/2014 02:10

Don't leave it too long. There are 6 years between DSis and me and although she us the best sister in the world and we love each other dearly, it's too big a gap to be companions until well into adulthood.

DipMeInChocolate · 14/02/2014 02:16

Mine are a 4yr gap intentionally to spend tine with the baby once the eldest went to school. She was born 3 days before school started so timed to perfection. I wasn't ready and don't think I could have coped with a smaller gap, newborn and potty training, it just seemed too hard for me. However now I'm seeing siblings not far off joining their elder siblings at school and I'm almost jealous. I like that DD can look after her baby sister and loves to teach her things, but they'll never be at the same stage I'm not sure how long it'll be before she become the annoying younger sibling trying to cramp her style.

cupcake78 · 14/02/2014 02:38

5 years between my two and they adore each other. Dd is only 7 months old but laughs and smiles more at her big brother than anyone else. Gets excited at school pick up time and always cuddles into ds. He loves her, wants to be with her and enjoys every bit of being a big brother.

I think its more to do with the children than the age gap. Ds loves people likes company and always wants to be involved. Dd is very social, likes being talked to, wants lots of attention and loves being out and about.

How they'll be when they grow up who knows but so far it's been brilliant.

I still got bad spd second time. I won't be having anymore because of the spd.

Original poster

IBakeThereforeIAm · 14/02/2014 17:46

All helpful comments, thank you. I guess I know really that it's down to personalities not age gap but I was hoping it was something I could influence as my dh is not v close to his siblings

OP posts:

yourlittlesecret · 14/02/2014 18:41

Why don't you try posting on teenagers, you might get a long term perspective?
My two are 2 years apart and it's worked at every age right up to now, apart from the first year of DC2 being hard work.
This year I have one doing GCSE and one doing A levels so that will be a challenge interesting.

Deb2202 · 14/02/2014 18:43

There is a 2.5 year gap between my boys. They are now 1 and 3 and I was justing thinking the other day that waiting another year might have been easier on everyone.

Now ds1 is 3.5 he wants to help with the baby, get the nappies/wipes, hold his bottle and more importantly is kind and gentle. When he was 2.5 I couldn't take my eyes of him for a second he had no comprehension of anything and was a danger to poor little ds2! It was hard work.

But perhaps when they are older it will be easier? Dunno, nothing seems easy at the mo!

Mouldypineapple · 14/02/2014 18:47

I've got 18 years between mine!
Dd2 is 4 and we were hoping to have a 2-3 year gap with her and another however she is now 4 and the new one has yet to be conceived despite ttc for the last 3 years. Personally I think about a 3 year gap would have been ideal for me. It seems to work well for friends.
Basically I would recommend start trying when you are ready and see what happens!

Fantail · 15/02/2014 06:59

Depending on if things happen as planned there will be around 5 years between DD and her younger sibling (she is about to turn 3). Two major moves and a few other things mean this is what is happening.

There is 8 years difference between my brother and I. We get on really well and meet up regularly. We have heaps in common.

BeaWheesht · 15/02/2014 07:09

I have just over 3.5 years between my two and its mostly lovely, they are 7 and 3.5 now and ds started school when dd turned 1 and I had days with her as a toddler so I feel like they've both had me to themselves as young toddlers iyswim?

They play together quite a lot actually although they'd recently started fighting too but that's life I guess!

There are 8 and 10 years between me and my siblings and 2 years between them. None of us are close but especially not the ones with 2 years between them.

I 'chose' our age gap because I had hypermesis with ds and couldn't have survived that with a very small baby - the pregnancy was definitely something to consider timing wise for me.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/02/2014 07:10

I have a just barely 2 year gap, then a 3.5 year gap from DC 2 to 3. The older two are very much a unit, and the youngest is their sweet but very pesky little brother... (I have girl, boy, boy so age more relevant than gender). I have found the 3.5 year gap too big - older 2 are close enough to do stuff together, youngest is at a totally different stage. They are 8.5, 6.5 and 3

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 15/02/2014 07:15

Two year gap here, they are 8 and 10. The first year was certainly hard, but after that it's made life fairly easy, they get on well and get on well with each others friends, the periods when each is in a different pre-school or school are relatively short which makes life a lot easier too. They share a room, like watching the same things on TV, can play games together, enjoy the same stories and days out. I was also glad from a career point of view to get the baby/todfler stage out of the way fairly quickly.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/02/2014 07:16

On the other hand as an adult I have nothing whatdoever in common with my own 2 years younger sister and get on better with the 7 years younger one. For long term, adult, sibling relationships age is irrelevant, but as kids I played with the 2 years younger one and the 7 years younger one we treated like a pet/ toy when young, and resented having to have tag along when pre-teen and young teens. So for the childhood phase I'd always go for a small gap if possible.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 15/02/2014 07:18

I think at least half the children in DC1's class at school have a sibling in DC2's class two years younger, everyone from my ante-natal class had a 2 year gap as well, it certainly seems to be the normal gap here.

Mutley77 · 15/02/2014 07:23

It's all so subjective. I have a four year then a five year age gap which seems totally ridiculous but in many ways works well....

My older 2 are currently a unit (dd1 and ds) but that's just because dd2 (8 months) can't join in!! I think it will swap to ds and dd2 while dd1 goes off to do her own thing before long and of course dd1 and dd2 will always have the "sister" thing despite being 9 years apart...

In my view the bigger the gap the less the rivalry which is definitely positive!

nooka · 15/02/2014 07:26

I have a 16mth age gap between my two and my sister has a 3.5 year gap between hers. Neither planned, my dd was an early accident, and my sisters younger dd took much longer than they had hoped to arrive.

Our older children were born within three months of each other so we've made a few comparisons over the years. I'd say that our early years were fairly hellish compared to hers, but ever since we've had it easier. Our children are now teens/tween and my two just have a great deal in common than their cousins. I think that the age difference really starts to kick in around about secondary age. On the sibling rivalry side my observation is that generally it's more of a problem with same sex siblings.

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