Top tips for talking to children about sex and relationships in the 21st century

[Kendodd]

Mine are age 8, 7 and 5, GBG.

I answer questions as they come up, they don't come up very often though. They don't see any gay relationships anywhere, the only gay friends we have are habitually single, so they're no good as role models

They need to know about the mechanics, internet, bullying/pressure, gay relationships, periods, everything really, although not all at once and not all now.

I always hope things will just come up naturally and I won't have to ask them all to come in and sit down because I have 'something to tell them'.

Advice please!

Ooh, mine are much younger, but I was pondering this this morning.

DS (4yo) said that DD couldn't marry my sister because they were both girls. Of course, I said that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys, but it got me wondering how much misinformation he's going to get and how it wouldn't occur to me to bring it up unless he does, so how am I going to know what he doesn't understand?

I don't want to introduce subjects too early if he is not emotionally ready for them, but how do I introduce them before it's too late and he is already confused?!

I said that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys

Yes mine have assumed they can't and have said so, I answered as above, they all fell about laughing at such an idea.

Well gay marriage is in the news currently so it may come up as a discussion topic. When DS was 4 he was playing "weddings" with his (girl) friend and then casually said to me "But a lady can only marry a man," I said no, men can marry men and ladies can marry ladies and he laughed but later in the day I said "You know, men really can marry men and ladies marry ladies." And he replied with a scornful look and "I know that!" So I think that even if they laugh they can still be taking it in.

I think with porn and other stuff on the internet you really do have to have a sit down chat about it. There's just nowhere to "slot it in" naturally and it's too risky to wait until it comes up. You probably need to do it at about 10 or 11 just in a very basic way, saying that not everything on the internet is true and just because a friend shows them a picture it doesn't mean it's real etc, and what to do if they are worried about something they've seen or come across online.

There are some good books for stuff about puberty and sex if you want to look for them.