10 week old crying while I cook the dinner - reassure me please!

[Bambamb]

Trying to get housework done is always hard when you have a baby so mostly I just ignore the housework and cuddle my DD, haha!

However unfortunately there are some things that just need to be done - main thing being getting dinner ready. DH isn't home from work until 6pm and DS (4) needs his dinner by about 5/5.30 so this is one job I cannot ignore.

I'm finding this quite hard as DD (10 weeks) doesn't like being left for long before starting to cry. She's generally a happy baby, sleeps well etc. But like most babies of this age she likes to be cuddled and close to me. So for a while now she's just had to cry while I'm preparing the tea, I don't really know what else to do.

Any tips? Sling is not working, plus I don't feel comfortable having her in the sling while cooking due to hot pans etc. I usually put her in her bouncy chair in the doorway and pick her up every few minutes to soothe her, but this of course makes the whole process longer!

Suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that this is OK. I hate hearing her cry, but I can't cook with one arm and DS needs to eat.

Can DS distract her while you are cooking tea? DS2 is a pretty content baby (unlike DS1!) so I've not had that problem so much this time round (and I'm lucky that my DH gets home early) but at lunchtimes etc if DS2 starts getting fractious I used to get DS1 to entertain him (e.g. dance around, make noises, sing, play with toys) I found that DS2 was entranced by DS1 at a young age and this could often buy me 10 minutes (which might help?)

I also found that singing to DS2 when I can't pick him up used to help (I sounded like a loon but he seemed to like it).

However, the bottom line is that your 4 year old needs to eat and in the priority of needs, his need to eat tea at teatime is greater than your babies need for a cuddle at that time, so he comes first.

Your baby can still see you, hear you and see your son, so she's not been abandoned, she's just letting you know she's not happy and wants cuddles. It's not ideal, but I don't think leaving her in her chair in the kitchen while you make tea is going to cause her any longterm distress (it is likely to distress you more - crying babies are terrible things to listen to!) Hopefully this phase will pass when she gets a tad older and is more likely to be entertained by toys during that time.

I wouldn't worry about it but if it is stressing you out could you batch cook some meals for your son at the weeknd and then ping these during the week.

Could you try and prepare as much as possible while she is sleeping, or in the evening for the next day.

what sling are you using? I found the baby bjorn a nightmare. The stretchy wrap thing was so much more comfy. Obviously you have to be a bit careful with hot things, but as a clutter said, can you not batch cook in advance and then microwave what you've made? Or at least make things that are really quick: omlette, toast, sandwiches.

Also, a dummy might be useful. I found that DS2 was extra miserable from 6 onwards, so I used to give DS1 his supper quite early, and feed DS1 at the same time, so that by 6pm I could have DS2 in the sling while I bathed DS1 and put him to bed.

I always put a baby in the sling. My mil commented how dd3 was such a good baby - as I was wearing her in a sling while cooking for everyone.

Yy to batch cooking. Frozen vegetables are your friend. I used them a lot in the early days (4 dcs born within 5 years and 2 months).

I'd batch up three of your 4yo favourite meals and just recirculate them.

When you could your main meal for you and dh, could you make a small portion for your dc for the next day?

Don't worry, this will be over in a few months time :)

Sorry, read properly and the sling is not working. I use a couple of different new born slings. Different ones have worked for diff babies.

Also, when baby is sleeping during the day, could you make the meal then for later (I do realise this probably sounds like the 'sleep when your baby sleeps' kind of advice.

I have really found it tough with my dcs. When times were hard, I bought those mixed frozen veg packs, sometimes they also have rice in them. You microwave the individual sachet. Then I could put sausages or fish fingers in the oven. Dinner ready in two mins.

I think trying to portion of some of your and dhs meal at night for the next day may be the easiest though.

Ooh I remember the teatime nightmare! It was always so stressful!

Agree with batch cooking or things that can be completely cooked in the oven (sausages, jacket potatoes, fish etc) or make it earlier in the day and then it takes minimal effort later (eg chilli, spaghetti bolognaise, stew.) Then on really bad days they just got easy teas - pitta, dips and veg, beans on toast, dippy eggs, omlette etc.

Oh tinned mackerel in tomato on toast was another good one - oily fish so I felt pretty virtuous yet ready in about 3 minutes!

Thanks all. I have done a bit of batch cooking here and there but am not always that organised. I'm also a fan of microwavable rice/veg combos, and those cod in sauce packets that are quick to do and DS really likes.

Re: the sling. I have a kari-me which is a soft stretchy long piece of fabric that you tie around yourself. I've not had much success with it tbh. I know a lot of posters on here are massive sling fans so wish I could master it but DD doesn't seem to like it, she wrestles around and squirms a lot. She has slept in it on one occasion but I needed to hold my hand at the back of her head to support it so was still not 'hands free'. You are supposed to pull a bit of the fabric up to support the head for very young babies but she hates that, plus it seems to make her really hot.

For those of you who use slings a lot - are you able to move about easily with them - i.e. bending down, kneeling and getting back up etc - doing housework, without feeling like you need to support the baby with one hand? I can't seem to do this, it feels like she's getting buffeted about.

I always feel I have to support the baby in my Moby when bending down etc.

we just microwave pots of pre cooked food most nights for dd1.

dd2 just sits in the highchair now eying up the food waiting for her turn. it goes quick the second time!

I had exactly the same problem! With The first two, the baby just had to cry I'm afraid! Now with dc3 I give the other two their food as soon as they get home from school and dc3 is asleep from being in the car.
Also I paid for school dinners for a while and they had sandwiches and soup for dinner. Although they now want sandwiches at school again now.
If you aren't organised, as I often wasn't, you could do quick pasta with pesto, tuna and sweetcorn or peas. Very occasionally I would buy a little dish ready meal.

I doesn't last forever but it is so painful listening to them cry :-(

I picked up a really cheap, secondhand high chair which is suitable from birth. It was effectively a high up bouncy chair and even had a toy bar. Think it was a Chicco Polly Magic. DD2 was happy in it because she could see everything and be at the table whilst DD1 did some colouring or something. It was hideous, but v handy and a tenner I think off Gumtree.

Cook a double portion tonight. Give the second portion to your ds for his tea tomorrow, then make an extra portion of whatever you and your husband are having, and serve it to your four year old the next day

Sling wise you will find a woven wrap lots more supportive than a stretchy. I can do pretty much anything with my 8mo in a woven and there's no way she could fall out.

Are you wrapping her with legs in or out? My DD would never tolerate legs in, once I tried her with legs out she loved being in the sling. Another option might be a soft fabric meitai carrier. These are more supportive than stretchy wraps, very easy to tie and once your baby has head control she can go on your back.

You have my sympathies. My DD howled every time I did anything except cuddle her for the first 6 months. Then one day she woke up as the happiest little girl ever and now sits cheerfully playing on the floor while I make dinner.

Re a sling - I had the same issue with a fabric sling - have a look at a Beco - they are brilliant, ergonomically designed for baby and your back - and support babies head because they are a frame type sling - I used mine until ds was 18 months as he could face out or go on my back - but also great with little ones

Second the Beco carrier

Or use slow cooker, make it in the morning when baby is in a good mood and its ready by tea time.

Also find out where your local sling library is as they will be able to show you tips etc as well as try out and borrow different slings

It sounds like you may be tying the sling too loose, easy to do when you have a wrap. Her bum should be higher than your belly button when she's in it and if you put a hand on her back, if she can "uncurl" then she's too loose - it should hold her back in a stretched out position. With a stretchy wrap you want to tie it on empty without leaving space for the baby because the stretch of the fabric provides the space. DS always had legs out too. I don't think it's safe to cook with a baby on your front, though. Side or back, yes, front no.

I would try to get DS to entertain her and try to stick to easy/quick teas, the phase will soon pass :)

I loved slings but seriously, there's no way I would use a front sling while cooking. I spilled hot water (from making tea) on myself and - I thought - DS when he was about 2 weeks old and I was carrying him on my shoulder. Rushed to A&E where they checked him over and were going to put some cream on but by then I had realised sheepishly that I couldn't even remember which foot I was supposed to have scalded (because neither looked injured!) and that I must have missed him and his scream was probably in response to me shouting. I had burns on my hand and stomach that I hadn't even noticed because I was so worried about him I actually still have a faint scar on my hand.

BUT - it made me realise. If I'd have pulled hot water over myself, the height the counter was compared to my body would have meant if he was in the sling it would have caught him quite badly. Plus, clothing and fabric absorb water so would keep the heat close to the body potentially making a burn worse and I dread to think how long it would have taken me (in a panic) to disentangle him from all of the layers of fabric - seconds, yes, but seconds matter in that kind of situation especially with a tiny baby.

Thanks all for the advice & tips! All taken on board, slow cooker used today, huge amount made so will do for the rest of the week. Will be checking out different slings too.