What is the age gap of your dc's - and would you recommend?

[Quintessentialmadonna]

Hiya
Just looking for some feedback. I know I definately want another dc, the love I feel for my dd is just too good not to experience again! For various reasons I would not have one just yet though. Just out of curiousity , what is the best the age gap? Or rather, what is the the age gap of dc's and how is it reeeally!?

I would there say there isn't a 'best' age gap, every gap has it's pros and cons. You might not be able to choose the exact gap, so consider that too.

I had DS2 when DS1 was 3.11, at first it was fine, apart from one difficult week when DS1 behaved horribly.

Now they are 5 and 19 months, it's hard because they want the same toys, hard to help with homework but when they do play together, it's nice. I forgot how hard the 1 year to 2 year stage was.

whoops, *wouldn't say

All age gaps have their pros and cons. We just went for what worked for us. 4.4yrs between dd and ds. Brilliant for us. Dd at school during the day so plenty of one on one time with the baby and an older child who is able to understand and help instead of be jealous and confused.

I have a gap of nearly 11 years! I had a very bad birth with dd and it took me that long to want another baby.

The gap is perfect for us because there is no jealousy and dd can also help out with ds and keep him entertained for a bit - she loves him to pieces :)

It also means since dd is more independent that I can spend a lot of time on ds without feeling guilty as you probably would with two little ones.

Personally I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than have less than a 4 year gap but that's just me!

DS 1 is 15 and a half and DS 2 is 2. I was 17 years old when I fell pregnant with DS1 thus the age gap. I do feel guilty that neither son had or has a sibling to play with but they both benefitted in other ways. Financially it has been easier, especially now DS1 earns his own money. DS2 hero worships DS1 and there is no sibling rivalry, plus I have an onsite baby sitter. They both also got a the attention I felt they needed.
DP is desperate for another and I am too but I worry about the money aspect.

Thanks for replies... Quite a lot of big age gaps then !

12 months. Amazingly hard to begin with but fantastic soon after.

They are best friends (8 and 9 now) and get on so so well.

An absolute delight and a pleasure.

15 months.

Wasn't planned that way but worked out very well, I was thankful they had a 2hr afternoon nap at the same time though They are 8 & 9 now and best friends.

Just over four years. Easy for me to start with (DC1 reasonably independent, toilet trained, at kindergarten etc) but too big a gap for them ever to really play much together, and there were big issues with sibling jealousy.

They are also different genders and have very different personalities and interests, so finding things for us all to do together can be hard.

My sister has a 10-year gap between her two, and that seems to have worked out quite well for her.

1minute.
Didn't really plan that though!

I've got 3 years between all 3 of mine so one of 7 one of 4 and one of 1. It works really well because the older two play well and fight together while the baby crawls around being entertained by them! It also meant that I didn't need a double buggy and the older one understood if I couldn't do something immediately because I was bf'ing or changing a nappy. The older one had also started nursery twice a week by the time I had the next one and school in the case of my eldest by the time I had the baby - so they all got plenty of one to one time as babies. Hope that all makes sense!

Twelve!

I'm just debating this just now too OP. Ds is 7 months now and I'm debating whether to go back to work for a year before trying or whether to try and go back to work pregnant. I'd love to hear of more small age gaps.

2.10 and it has been brilliant. Age gap partly to save my sanity, found newborn stage hellish with DC1, and to reduce childcare funding by having the 15 hours of funding for DC1. Oldest was at nursery two days so I got lots of lazy baby cuddling time. DC1 was not interested for 6 months but then DC2 learnt to crawl and it's been fun and games since. Now at 3 and 6 they are best friends.

Three year age gap very popular with my friends due to the 15 hours funding/preschool. Gives a breather for SAHPs and reduces the nursery bill where both parents working. I felt both got their chance to be babies too.

Most people seem very happy with whatever gap they have as it usually turns out alright.

5.5 years
14 months
2 years

Favourite gap is 14 months.

Twins then daughter arrived exactly 18mths later ..... Hard work but they all grew up together so more like triplets

I have a theory that children between 3 and 12 really need constant playmates, so if they don't have a sibling older than about 1, that's YOU. So IMO, you want to minimise the time you have a 3-12 year old in the house who is the only one.

Also, expect the first year with two to be an absolute and utter nightmare, especially if your first is about 3 or 4 by the time the second one arrives. But after that, I'm told it's easier than one.

This is all probably bollocks and it depends on the personality of the child, but DS is 5, I've told DH he has to knock me up twice before DS turns 10 We're not likely to start trying for another year or so so it will be tight!

3 years. The older one is reliably potty trained and old enough to look forward to and not overtly compete with the younger one. But the age gap is not so big as to prevent them from playing together. After the younger one is past 1-1.5 years, dd and ds play together like a dream. Someone else mentioned the funded childcare.

3 years is the lazy parent's choice.

The age gap between mine is nearly 4 years. It has worked great in that ds1 has only ever adored dd2 and has never shown any signs of jealousy, he was old enough to get involved and help with her as a baby and feel the important big brother, and when she cries he takes her toys and cuddles her and tells her that we love her. His being a bit older has been a big help for me. The cons are that if we have another, the age gap is starting to become rather large between ds1 and the youngest, and I imagine it will be a bit harder and take more imagination to work out how they can all play together and do the same things on family holidays for example. I don't think there is a perfect age gap. I imagine it is harder initially with a small age gap but then as they get a bit bigger they may play the same games together and occupy each other and end up being easier. Or they may just fight! Whatever works for you is what is best, IMO!

8 years between 1&2, 8 years between 2&3 and less than 2 years between 3&4.

Ive found the small age gap really hard

So 18 years between ds1 & ds4

YY Bertie I tell mine I have two of them so they can leave me alone

20 months between DD1 and DD2 and it is brilliant for us, they love each other and play together all the time.

DC3 on the way and DD1 will be 4 and DD2 will be 3 and again I hope they all get on well. It really is easier in my house when they are both here than when I just have one.

I was hoping for an 11ish month gap last time as I thought it would be easier before ds3 hit the terrible twos, as it was it kicked in about a month before ds4 was born.

Dc1 to dc2 - 21mths. I found it really hard work because it was like having 2 babies in terms of how much dc1 could do and dc2 was a difficult baby. They argue like buggery now (12 & 10)

Dc2 to dc3 - 3 1/2 years. My favourite gap. But dc3 was very easy going, dc1 was at full time school and dc2 started nursery when dc3 was 6mrhs old.

Dc3 to dc4 - 2 1/2 years. I found this easier than 21mths but harder than 3 1/2 years. But again could be nature of the children. Dc3&4 (7 & 4) now have a love/hate relationship in that they are either playing beautifully or wanting to kill each other with no middle ground.

We have definite divide between the big 2 and the small 2 which I think will get bigger when dc2 starts high school in September. But dc1&4 have the closest relationship bizarrely!