My Concern over a little boy, suspected neglect.

[mookymim]

Hi Please could you give me some advice over a growing concern I have for a little boy in our neighbourhood.I'll give you a bit of the history.
I met this little boy and his mum at a toddler class she was introduced via a friend although my friend doesn't really know her that well. His mum is a vegan and has had an eating disorder in the past, her little boy who is now 3 has been kept on a strict vegan diet all his life. He is very sleight for his age and looks pale. The issue here isn't a vegan diet I'm just not sure he's getting enough food and nutrients as I have witnessed him eating food from the floor and stealing leftovers from other childrens plates. Here are some of the things that have caused me concern over the past year.

never being allowed to eat the party food at childrens parties, being told 'no' and being forced as the other children enjoy the cakes etc

eating food from the floor

Not having mealtime routines or bedtime boundaries.

He goes to bed with his parents sleeps in their bed and is allowed to stay up while they watch inappropriate programmes.

My friend saw him a few weeks ago she said he looked awful as his curly hair had been' hacked off' apparently the mother had attempted to cut his hair herself but it was all patchy, short bits, shaved bits etc...

He has many allergies and food intollerances.

My little boy took an unusual dislike to him and seemed unnerved by him,9they were 2 at the time)

More recently they called round my friends house and who made her daughter and the little boy a sandwich, he ate it and then started to eat her daughters leftovers, my friend asked if he would like another sandwich the little boy said yes because he was hungry at this point his mother said 'no dont give him another he's had enough' despite the little boy saying that he was hungry.

His mum is very defensive and quick to anger, she is aggressive and I imagine a lot of people would shy away from being forthright with her. There is a Dad present but I have witnessed him being very much 'put in his place' and to be honest he seems a bit ground down.

I have voiced my concerns to my friend and her partner and they also said they were concerned but didnt think it was as serious as abuse. They have witnessed affection and love coming from the mother in question and my friend said he had been spoilt at Christmas with lots of toys.
When the Pelker case first came to light this little boy came to my mind straight away especially when hearing how the mother had duped the nursery staff by claiming he was on a 'special diet'

I dont want to jump to conclusions or stir up trouble but I have an awful feeling in my gut. Perhaps it's not conscious abuse but more the results of a mother with mental health issues regarding food and her own body. She's imposing her own food issues onto her son, abuse by proxy? I just cant stop thinking about this little boy. I get the feeling that people think I'm being over protective and I'm also aware that I no longer see this boy or his mother so must of my information is second hand.
I'd be most grateful if anyone could advise me on what to do as regards this situation. thank you.

OMG I can't believe the eagerness to call social services with this one. Everyone has such faith in social services that they will do the right thing.

A lot of this is speculation, guessing and basically reading a lot into each small piece of info.

I have friends who are food Natzi's. I've seen grown woman throw themselves across a room and Rugby tackling party food out of their toddlers hand. Some people can take 'healthy eating' too far. Not to the point of starvation but by over policing at parties etc.

One of my friends would always tell me when her boys have 'had enough'. Usually Id be giving them their healthy lunch of sandwiches or soup at the time. I find it bizarre too but it's not uncommon at all.

Eating party food off the floor - my DD would do this and she is 4. She is well fed but she loves her food . I have often had to hall her up from the floor and prize a half eaten sausage roll out of her hand! She is neither under or overweight, just enthusiastic!!

Even the fact you mention a dodgy home cut and other non specific things makes me anxious you have a lively imagination.

Can you imagine if Social Services take this boy away. It's amazing how many kids are taken into care for minor things but the real problem families seem to get endless help and little action.

Shame on all of you who read that post and jumped at phoning Social Services until the OP knows a hell of a lot more than bad hair, a food obsessed mum and an inability to get on with her DC.

I don't think you are any thing but well meaning OP but tread carefully when it comes to a child being potentially taken away from his parents.

There could be reasonable explanations for all the situations described.

But I agree with most of the others on this post - let social services know - so they can check things out and make sure things definitely are ok.

How on earth can you know that this woman had an eating disorder, or that she lets her son watch "inappropriate" tv programmes?

Whether or not you're convincing the MN massive, if you have a genuine concern about any child, you should pass it on to the appropriate services (obviously in this case Children's Services).

It is always better to have something looked into & have your concerns unfounded than to wish you'd acted if something were ever to happen.

i'm torn. having been maliciously reported to ss, i can further confirm what an utter nightmare it is. i still find myself justifying things that don't need it (co-sleeping with toddler for example). however, if you are truly concerned op and it doesn't sound as though you just want to shit-stir, then perhaps it's the right thing to do.

Too many children have died because people did nothing! Ring the NSPCC and just chat to them and they will help you decide what to do. It can be anonymous.

You say you have most of your information second hand.

The person from whom you are getting the information from sayes not abuse.

You have concerns, but tred carefully.

another one here btw who's child eats off the floor. both mine do. skinny as rakes. appetites that would not be out of place on a grown man. but to outsiders it must appear odd that i am restricting food when so slim, but only because there reaches a point where the consumption really is just greed.