What does your husband do to help out at home?

[Brewster]

What does your hubby do to make you feel like you are a team?
how does he pull his weight when at home?

He doesn't "help" he runs his own life and jointly that of his children and home.

MrNC does his full share, though we have fallen a bit into stereotyped roles as there's lots of DIY happening which I can't physically do, dd still demands breastfeeding, and I'm much better at organising things, partly because he's severely dyslexic and can't read well. Also he works shifted hours so is asleep until 9.30am. He works 4 days a week, one day on DIY, I work 3 days.

I get the kids up and to nursery/school. He collects them once a week and sometimes does dropoff/extra pickups if I'm stranded by trains/have doctor appts etc.
I do more of the laundry but we both do it. I do most of the food shopping because I can and he takes 3 times as long and spends twice as much. He cooks probably once a week, but frequently puts say rice on to cook or a frozen meal in the oven while I get dd to bed, and he often puts ds to bed though doesn't like reading him stories (but will hear ds read if I suggest it).
He books the cleaner and deals with her. He settles dd if I'm in the bath and if I ask him when I've had very little sleep.
I sort out school stuff and paperwork; he fixes showers and bits of the house and building work - poor chap spent most of the Christmas break on the roof rigging up tarpaulins etc, while I minded the kids inside.

I find asking "while I'm doing X, could you do Y?" works well - even if he's not good at planning, he's a decent chap who doesn't mean to sit around when there's stuff to be done.

HELP OUT fricken eh

When he gets up at 6 if the baby is awake he takes her down, or comes up when she wakes and sorts out breakfast until he goes 7:15.

After dinner he does the clearing away, sweeping, dishwasher etc. He then does bath time and story for youngest 2, and directs the 11 year old as much as an 11 year old boy can be! I'm generally milling about doing stuff or at work as I work shifts. If I'm working I sort the meal out so they just heat it up.

He goes to the gym a few nights a week, that's his let off steam time. Weekends he generally does any skip runs / hoovered stairs / steams floors.

Reading that back I realise were a fair team. I wouldn't say lucky because when you've 3 children you kind of have to work as a team.

I help him out sometimes.

Im with MI

interestingly all research shows that the more a couple think they do half and half they more likely it is that ( yawn) the woman ( when both partners work) do more.

read wifework, its an eye opener

My DH doesn't 'help', we share the load.

We both work similar hours at the moment, so it makes sense. When one of us was working less hours, they would do more in the house - we have tag teamed throughout our marriage.

DH has higher standards than me, so can grumble at my slovenliness on occasion, but we are none of us perfect & family life requires compromise.

I work part time and study once a week. DP runs his own company and is responsible for all employees so works about 60 - 70 hours a week. So most things fall to me which I don't mind as he's so busy.
Although I don't see how he is too busy to pick his boxers up off the bathroom floor but hey ho!

He does bedtime\story time
He takes the bins out
He does DIY
He changes lightbulbs
He gets rid of spiders

DH works away from home from Sunday evening to Friday evening.

But when he is home he baths DD, makes breakfast, loads the dishwasher, takes DD to rainbows, does the supermarket shopping (ALDI).

We dont do much housework over the weekend, so there isnt much for him to do.

He helps me with things I am not strong enough for and I help him understand flat pack furniture. Otherwise we just do what needs doing.

Goes to do the shopping, baths the toddler and puts him to bed most nights. Sits and plays with 6 year old DS when I am mumsnetting busy! Goes to get DS2's milk cup and feeds him in the mornings while I prepare breakfast for DS1.

He doesn't see it as 'helping' though. This is his home. They are HIS children too.

My OH has his own business and works 6 days a week so j would never ask it expect him to do anything. He does nothing housework wise and I've never asked him to get up in the night for the children. However he's very good with te kids and helps at the horrific 4-6pm time by reading stories and playing with the kids. If I asked him to help out more or take some washing upstairs he would, but I rarely if ever ask. It works for us and I don't feel hard done by, seen as I can stay at home and have a nice lifestyle.

Gets up with kids at weekend to let me lie in.

Does half the cooking and most of food shopping.

Does housework if i'm ill or at the moment because i'm pregnant.

Gets up to kids in night if they're ill/had bad dreams.

Offers to give me a break often.

Works/commutes long hours so I can be a sahm.

Makes amazing coffee and scrambled egg and rubs my back when i'm sore.

I luvs him!

Mine does around 35-40% at the mo, and certainly the easier/nicer tasks. I'm at home so makes no sense to leave everything for him to do when he gets home, if I can get dinner made I will, if I can't be bothered he's happy to pick up the slack without any complaining. I was the messy one when we got together and he's always been the better cook when he was growing up, so i think he domesticated me not the other way around!

My DH is pathologically untidy and disorganised (but also a high-achieving partner in a law firm - which constantly bemuses me!) so basically he's like a third child I tidy up after.... I'm a SAHM. I've kind of made my peace with the fact that he works and brings in the money so I do my work which is the house and weekly child care. He gets home very very late, so can't do the evening meal. And would be a bit much for me to expect him to do laundry, ironing etc after arriving home at 10pm. But I do get cross if he doesn't put his plate in the dishwasher or leaves his suit/shoes/bag lying around the house.

So, basically he does sweet FA housework wise, but is really fun and brilliant at playing with the children. And on the weekend does tons of this. He'll also do food shopping. He puts the children to bed, and gives bottles etc on the weekend. But for example if he gives them a bath, he won't think to tidy up afterwards at all. I'll do it. I realised recently that he's never going to take the initiative in terms of tidying or doing stuff around the house - but he's very happy to do it if I ask. So I now just ask! I love him dearly, despite his chaoticness!

He does all the recycling, empties bins etc, I never do this.
Sterilises bottles and does the last feed at night.
Washes up after dinner as I cook as I am on before him.
If I strip and wash the bed linen he will remake the bed.

I do all the cleaning, cooking etc but he is good. Does a lot with the baby. Doesn't iron but will throw a wash on. I have my own systems though so I like to do this myself.

He does a lot of DIY. At least once a week.

He does the night feeds thurs until Sunday but I give him time for hobbies in the day, not that I own him!! It took a while but we have it Sussed I think. Both happy.

Cooks a few times a week, puts the bin out if I remind him and baths our eldest. I do all the house work, sort finances, do everything for the kids, food shopping, bits of diy, pretty much everything! I'm a sahm to two under 2s but do the paperwork for our business which dh works at 7 days a week. Would like him to do more but fallen into that old trap where it's just easier to do things myself than see something being done badly!

DH showers first, gets all 3 up, brushes their teeth and gets their breakfast and our babies bottle while I shower.

I dress them and get their stuff for school etc ready but he helps sometimes to get us out the door if he is still in.

He is a morning person but ever since I ended up with an under active thyroid after DC2, Im like an 80 yr old for a good hour after eventually rising :)

Im a SAHM so I watch them all day and do the school/nursery pick ups/drop offs. I generally do most of the house work because he works and I don't.

In saying that we have a cleaner once a week for 2 hours to do a big clean/hoover/mop and dust.

I do most of the cooking, all of the washing and most of the ironing. Occasionally he will stand and blitz the odd mountain whilst watching football in the spare room!
I do homework and DH usually baths our baby every night and I bath the older ones a couple of times a week. He gives the baby his bottle and I get the other two to bed and read to them.

He can be a bit shit on the initiative front too OP. Little silly things like the bath water being left and if he has the kids at the weekend then the house is a tip but I manage to do both. My pet hate is him putting a wash on because he needs something for the morning. When the wash is finished he pulls out the said item and leaves the rest in the machine - arghhh. The whole lot sits all night and needs re washed.

I think DH and I are pretty even though and we use our strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes well.

Most of our friends who have problems in their marriage, big or small it is usually when things are un even and unfair. One pulling their weight and the other being selfish.

If you are thinking about a third OP id show him this thread and have some serious talks with him. Id have lost my mind this year if id had my third and DH didn't do what he does.

Oh, and DH always gets up to the kids now if they cry in the night. Something I did before the thyroid problem but Ive had insomnia since so once im up, im literally up for the night.

Im now realising just how much he does - maybe it's uneven after all :)

as DH is SAHD, the question in our case would rather be how I help out. I do all the night wakings with DS (as he's BF), and take care of him in the evenings and weekends. I do some of the cleaning (we also have a cleaner), cook sometimes and do all the laundry. I buy everything we need for DS - from clothes and nappies to nursery furniture.
DH does the rest, including taking care of our 5 pets (most walks and all vet visits), all paperwork, admin, taxes and bills, most DIY (or calls the appropriate people).

princess sorry for offtopic, but are you on medication? I had my thyroid removed a few years ago and feel fine - now that I've convinced my doc that no, checking just TSH is not enough and I in fact need a higher dosage than TSH level would show.

Unfortunately I can relate To Brewster. I do most of the cleaning, tidying, bath times, morning routines. I have to ask ds to do most things. He will sometimes wash up or put in a wash.
If I ever leave him to look after ds when I return the house will be a bomb site and ds will still be in his PJ's in the afternoon. I also find evidence of lunch- crisps, chocolate and toast. He won't take Ds out unless I ask him too.
I'm knackered most of the time as we don't have any family support. I work part time dh works full time.
I must admit I feel resentful to hell, even though I have told him on countless occasions that I need more help.
Seeing all the other posts makes me realise what a lazy sod he is. I too had a mother who pretty much did everything and crucially so did he!

• dh

Thanks for sharing ladies.
i think i am generally happy with the work division through the week but it is weekend and holidays that bug me.
i want more initiative on his part and more outings and proactivity with the kids.
i spoke to him the other night after reading lots of these posts and he agreed with me and hopefully he will start to think more and do more.
he syas he just really doesn't see any of the mess or what needs doing but i told him that had to change….
lets see what the future holds!
x