What does your husband do to help out at home?

[Brewster]

What does your hubby do to make you feel like you are a team?
how does he pull his weight when at home?

dh works ft I work pt and study pt.

dh does about half the washing up, hoovering, cat litter changing, rubbish removal, childcare and tidying up. He does all the ironing and I do all the shopping, bed changing, mopping floors and washing.

I do most of the cooking maybe 5-6 days a week.

It works for us, although now I look at that list, I feel a bit hard done by.

I'll be the first then.

No washing
No ironing
No cleaning
No shopping
No school runs/nursery runs - pick ups
And is never able to take days off for school hols/training days.

Anyone fancy a swap ?

Actually, could you get a cleaner? I know it doesn't resolve things is the whole but it might be a start. It strikes me that you both work hard and you are taking on far more in the home.

project - - no i haven't. i have Crohns though. make a difference?
i was diagnosed in march 2013 and i have found so far that food makes no difference to me (other than i don't want to et much and so obviously aren't getting enough nutrients) but i find that stress plays a HUGE role. all that really happens is a get super incredibly tired and achy and can hardly do anything.
not great!

I am going back to work part time tomorrow after being off since DD was born, so at the moment I do most of the house chores / childcare.

DH does do his share, though I often have to "guide him" and ask him to do stuff.

Things DH does without prompting:

• cooks dinner
• takes bins out
• pop to shops for milk etc
• hoover (sometimes)

Things I do and don't even bother asking him to do!:

• make sure changing bag is full
• all "admin" (insurance quotes, bill paying etc), birthday and christmas presents and plans
• make the bed (he says there is no point in him doing it, as he won't do it to my standard, and I will re-do it .... he is right in a way!)
• washing
• ironing

Up until now I have generally done all the daily chores (tidying, dusting, hoovering, clean bathroom and toilet etc). After I return to work tomorrow I will make sure that at least the evening jobs are split (e.g. 1 will do bath and bed routine, while the other clears up after dinner)

Brewster - you need to come to an agreement re chores that works for both of you. I don't work full time at the moment, so I expect to do a little more. Same as if I was back to working full time, I would make sure jobs were divided equally. However, I would only give DH the jobs that he was good at. He is so slow at some tasks it just infuriates me!! And that's what causes arguments in our house - that I can clean the whole house in the time it takes him to wash up a few glasses!!

i had a cleaner a few years ago as i had to go through ivf to have my 2nd so to ease things on me we had a lady come once a week. once i got pregnant i felt guilty spending that money on a job i could be doing myself so i got rid of her.
since then we have moved to a house about 4 times the size of last one!!hahah

we did have a n agreement - tried a few times to just give him 1 small job a week but never lasts!

OK, here's your leverage:

"The company can't run without me as it is very specialised work and he doesn't trust anyone else to be that close to the business at present"

You will need to point out to him that your current workload (across house / kids / part-time work) is not good for your health, and if he wants you to carry on working for the business then some greater redistribution of household tasks is needed. Think about what there is to do and how it can be divided up differently. You also need to call him on the things he leaves undone, so ask him if he has let the bathwater out, and if not, ask him to go back up and empty it and maybe wipe around while he's there (in a neutral tone, no need for anger but not as if you're asking a big favour either). It sounds as if you don't feel like you have the right to ask him to do any of these things, when you do.

He does everything from shopping,cooking,ironing, helping the boys with homework, taking the boys to town for uniform, shoes, clothes etc, sorts the washing out, supports me, hoovers, buys the Christmas tree and does the decorations.
In other words anything that needs doing it gets done.

He does loads:
Half the washing - ie I put it in and spin dry it and he puts it to dry and then puts it away or vice versa

I wash up he dries and puts away

Cooks every other night or more

Looks after the dc when I have an aft off. He also comes out of work, or doesn't go, if one or both dc are poorly and I'm working

Does bedtime routine with one child as I do the other. We swap children the next night

Makes breakfast every morning and sometimes gets one child changed and dressed

Tidies up after himself whenever he's done something messy

Works full time and brings in half or more of our family monthly income. With this he pays the rent, sky, food, half our loan, car ins and petrol. I pay the rest

When he's off work he changes nappies as needed if I haven't; we usually take turns to do nappy changes

Cleans the youngest child after she's had dinner (if he's off work) as she screams the place down when we have to more or less hose her down

I don't normally ask him to do anything - he normally takes it upon himself to do what needs doing if I haven'tor can't

yeah Mellow - you are right.
i feel like they are favours to me but i don't really feel that way.
i am angry i have to ask and more initiative isn't taken.
i have stated the job thing and he agrees but nothing ever happens or lasts.

Firstly its not helping me out, secondly he jsit pitches in ams gets on wit whatever needs doing when he is at home.

Whilst he is at work I do everything but as soon a s he comes home we are both 'on duty' so he will cook, ways up, do laundry, do stuff with the kids, hoover, tidy up etc.

I really can't understand this nonsense about having to guide your DO to do things or they don't know where the toddlers clothes are kept. Do you live in mansions you have do many rooms you don't know what's in them.

I guide my 14 year old DS how to things round the house, not a grown man who lives there!

Gosh, x post with loads there sorry

I agree with mellow - you need to keep on at him as much as it takes, bargain with him re. your working for him if needs be, and don't pick up his slack if you can avoid it because he'll just see this as you being willing to do more so will do less because he can.

Works 2 days per week for money
Looks after DS 2 days
Hoovers sporadically
Cooks often
Fairly consistant at laundry
Does not clean or tidy at all
Drives me about places- which is appreciated

flipchart i agree.
bit fed up of him sometimes acting like a third child!

My Dp works, is away from home 6-7.30pm and I'm currently a Sahm.

I wash, food shop, run errands, cook, clean the whole house, small amounts of diy, do the main bulk of childcare day and night. I have two mornings a week where Dd goes to the Cm, I do all the related admin for that.

At weekends, Dp will begrudgingly get up with Dd 2 give her breakfast, will give her a bath or pop her in the shower and takes her for walks to give me some time out. He does the house accounts, mows the lawn in the summer and will do the bins if nagged asked. He'll occasionally also make a cooked breakfast. He'll do things but at his own time scales, so Dd may start getting whiny at 12.30 but he won't associate that with her wanting lunch etc.

I get annoyed at his lack of involvement or initiative but at the same time I wont give instructions, explanations, as it's often quicker to do it myself. He's great at his job manages large teams etc. but bordering on useless at home.

He does 90% of the cooking and the food shopping , does the bins.
I do most other stuff.
We both work FT

DH is pretty good, but can be sporadic with his help, and yes at times I feel he could take more initiative.

We have a cleaner for 2 hours a week, instead of doing our bathroom (which I find easy to keep clean), she does our ironing instead.

DH works 40 hours ++, I work 20 hours and then have freelance work for between 10 - 20 hours a week, so yes we both work full time essentially.

I generally do all the laundry, but if asked DH will hang it out and also is pretty good at folding etc. He is a good cook, but I am quicker and make less mess, so he generally cooks in the weekend. He is very good with DD and does spend a lot of time playing with her.

Agree with so many others about the odd choice of words..."help out" at home ??? Surely what needs doing is both of your responsibility so I don't see why it sounds like he is doing you a favour to contribute anything.

That said, he clearly works considerably more hours for his paid employment than you, so it would make sense that you do more of the household 'stuff'. What you need to do is work back from the other end, so you start with the fact you should have equal leisure / rest time, and the amount you both do for your paid jobs, plus the amount you do for the household should be about the same. As to who does what, that will be different for everyone - some people love cooking, others hate it, some can't sit until the living space is tidy, others find it easier to relax - it makes sense to both take responsibility for things you don't mind so much, rather than trying to split every job. Also makes sense to allocate which jobs he is going to do, if he has gone for years without "seeing" what needs to be done, that way you won't have to ask him, like he's doing you a favour, if it's routine for him {say} to clear up after the evening meal, or whatever role it is he takes on.

He does loads - esp since I have become disabled - cooks, cleans, does food shopping, walks and feeds the dogs, feeds the cats, empties litter trays, diy, gardening, loads and unloads dishwasher/washing machine, works full time - I do some cooking/baking (batches for freezing not every day), ironing, financial/admin stuff. No children to be cared for

he doesn't 'help', he lives here and does his fair share.
cleans the kitchen every night, dyi, weekly shop, hoover the whole house once a week, morning schoo run, cleaning as and when.
he lives here and I expect him to do stuff as and when needed.

How did you all get to be this way with the joint responsibility of jobs?

it sounds sooo good and right but it just doesn't seem to be that way…

Its just always beem that way, we were students whej we got together and lived in a hosue share so all pitched in, then when preg eith ds1 we got our own place, both still students wheh we had ds1 and just carried on both of us doing our fair shre6.

I naturally ended up doing more once dp wmet to work and I was at hoem with ds1 and then the next four.. but dp would never come in and sit on his arse whilst I am busy, he just gets on with whatever needs doing.

All the kids help, the motto is we all make the mess so we all help clear up.

My mil thinks its a travesty btw that dp cooks etc, she is of the generation that I should do it all, she used to get up before her husband and make hsi bfast ffs!