I don't need to fret about letting my 11 year old (Y7) daughter walk around town for an hour with two of her friends do I!...do I ???

[hmc]

School's carol service tomorrow and after it finishes at 10.30 a.m. that's the end of term. DD wants to go shopping in Salisbury town centre with two of her school friends directly afterwards. They are Y7 girls age 11. I will stay in town with ds since I live too far out to warrant going home and returning later to collect her. They have mobile phones and they will stick together (pretty sensible). But it will be so busy in the run up to Christmas and I am having difficulty in the transition of a primary school child moving up to secondary school and wanting more freedom

I shouldn't worry should I!...should I ???

No, let her go. She is with friends and they have mobiles. No need to worry at all, even though you probably will!!

No, don't worry. Really, they'll be fine even if there are a lot of other shoppers.

Are you going to stand her (or even them) a nice lunch when they've finished?

No! Not at all. They'll be fine. And they've got mobiles and you'll be there. I am a terrible worrier myself so you have my sympathy but they will be okay.

I have been letting DS1 do this since he started secondary school (on the half day at the end of each term) and will do the same with DD.

I asked him what they actually do. They wander around, ask how much things are in Poundland, and search for positive reviews of Android & Windows on all the screens in the Apple shop. Then go for a MacDonalds.

Thanks - was looking for reassurance that I am not being reckless

DD has been going to town on the bus, with 1 or more friends, since the summer after primary school. They browse Top Shop, if anyone has any money they spend it in Primark or Starbucks, and buy sweets or cookies.

DD and her friends are all very sensible, all 11/12, although also capable of being entirely silly and hysterical.

My worries are:

older children being nasty/ trying to take their money or phones;

a 'friend of a friend' suggesting something like shoplifting, and them getting dragged into it.

However, they are always in busy areas, they are always together, they have enough sense and confidence to talk each other out of doing anything really wrong (as opposed to foolish), and they really are old enough to start dealing with difficult situations and peer pressure.

I did have a talk with DD about standing up to peer pressure before I let her go, and of course this is an issue at school as well.

DD2 goes to town with a friend now and again. Never any bother. Has done since Y7

DD1 has wandered round our local small town on her own since 11/12 too.

Both of them go off in shopping centres together.

DD1 and her two special friends, I'd trust in Central London.

She will be fine girls are usually quite sensible. I don't like my DD going out with loads of girls as I think girls can get a bit bitchy in gangs but just 2 or 3 is great.

Thanks for all the posts - feeling much better about it

I have the same concerns as my year 7 DD has asked to go into town on Saturday. I have said yes on the condition that she goes in the morning and comes home after a few hours. It will be the first time she has done this, but despite my vivid imagination, I see no harm in letting go off the reigns.

I probably come across as a right old helicopter parent but we live in the countryside so dd has not done what a lot of other children have done at a younger age - like walk to school (we have never been within walking distance), pop around a friend's house to see if they are available to play (again, have never lived close enough) and hasn't done much crossing of roads! (am serious, we live on a trunk road with fast moving traffic so go everywhere via car) - which I think explains my wobbling on this matter a little more. Thanks - I realise she will be fine though, will do my best not to stress about it

Hi op

As a child of very strict bordering on insanely controlling parents, I wasn't allowed to do anything like this until I was 17. Not even school trips overnight/week long. With teachers.

It cost me a happy teenage life. I had no real friends because I was never allowed to do anything so I couldn't participate and bond. It meant I never knew the gossip or what had happened at the weekend and I ended up being very isolated. It was horrible.

Please, by all means, worry about her. But don't hold her back. She will be safe as you already said, as they are sensible and have phones, and you will be nearby with ds anyway. Stay 50ft behind and follow them. All day if you must, but let her have that impression of a bit of freedom. It will mean the world to her.

Sorry for the overshare if too personal

Newmum - don't apologise, all very relevant. I'd hate to compromise her life like that because of my own neuroses!

Well we did it, the three mums went for coffee for an hour and a bit and the three girls were let loose and had a thoroughly good time. And since they came back in one piece, we all feel emboldened to let them do the same again soon

hmc I'm glad it all went well - and you got to enjoy coffee with the other mums too!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas right back at you!