Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Gardening in the winter sun. 40-something mums Christmas thread

708 replies

somewherebecomingrain · 08/12/2013 21:00

40-something mums with babies of all ages - please join us. The 20-something and 30-something mums will never satisfy you like this thread.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
blueblackdye · 06/01/2014 22:36

A now feeds herself with spoon or fork, forbidding me to touch, hold her bowl ! Oh dear, what a mess !
She also pushes me on my back to sit on my tummy and pretends to ride a horse... Does the same with her brother. Loves kissing and blowing on my tummy as well. Which I am always a bit scared as she bit me once on the shoulder when playing...
Taking DS tomorrow to see Walking with Dinosaurs, his first movie ever, and my first 3D (I know, I am very very very behind!)

rosiedays · 06/01/2014 23:34

Grin at A blowing raspberries on Bbd tummy :)

somewherebecomingrain · 07/01/2014 08:22

Hey rosie my Bil is Nigerian and won't go back to Nigeria because of the shopping lists - he is a courier ffs. It's a cultural thing. Tough one. I will be interested to know how you will resolve it.

V excited to hear about Egypt!

bbd I totally support extended bf it's the best thing ever. Great
for you and for A.

notso co-sleeping, swaddle pods or my friend gave me a length of cotton Lycra she got from a fabric store - like a light too short stretchy wrap. That was awesome. Cost tuppence. In the end swaddling didn't work for me and I co slept. Took every precaution (no pillow, pulled down tucked in duvet, bed bumper).

Not sleeping is rubbish, take it seriously, it's not just one of those things. In many cultures co sleeping is the norm. Our western society has I believe created some of the sleep problems and hey, epidemic of pnd.

eagle that sounds so stressful. Poor nephew, poor sil. I wonder what it is like to have a diagnosed difference, living in a family as I do where These Things A Cannot Be Discussed (a mixture of chance and choice). I imagine it would be even worse if you didn't know what was wrong with him but it is hard to see it makes it easier.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

EagleRay · 07/01/2014 20:40

Hope things have calmed down a bit now Rosie - going away with a baby is always stressful, but you have the added stress of a very long trip plus interesting family members...

Did DS like the movie BBD? He will remember forever his first film. Around the same age, my sister and I were taken to see the Jungle Book and we had no concept of what a cinema was.

Somewhere DN is the first family member to be diagnosed, although there still isn't much discussion about who else may be affected! Apparently, it manifests itself differently in girls and the typical behaviours can be seen in a couple of female relatives, although this isn't discussed at all... Although they've had a very definite diagnosis for years, it doesn't mean they're entitled to any help. He had terrible problems at first primary school (I think the teacher pretty much ended up refusing to have him in the class) then he was moved to a school which was more used to ASD. He did well, but the problem was that he was then deemed not to need so much help, and now he is mainstream secondary and has floundered. Which, frankly, could have been predicted by anyone! Have to confess the diagnosis/label doesn't mean that family members are always 100% sympathetic as his behaviour can be quite challenging and disruptive (violence, cheating, tantrums, lying etc). Also feel very sorry for teachers that have him in their class as he's difficult enough 1-1 at home but trying to manage him along with 30-odd other children must be an absolute nightmare. If he can't do what's asked of him, he just starts screaming. And he's adult-sized too so that brings its own problems.

All this talk on here of re-organising toys etc inspired me to pop over to Ikea yesterday and I've bought another Expedit 4 for the lounge. Now ALL the toys magically disappear at the end of the day! It's quite nice just picking out a few for DD to play with each day even if she does prefer to spend her time reaching for electric cables and picking bits of dust and grime off the floor to put in her mouth

blueblackdye · 08/01/2014 11:19

It is getting very quiet on here.
Life today is getting back to usual, A is at nursery and DS back at school, I have the flat for myself and silence, quietness.... Joy !
Rosie, hope you get your packing done, 3 weeks, this is a long time but the good thing is where you go cloth dries within the hour so Rosebud doesn't need to stay naked, although A loves patting her own tummy when in the bathroom getting ready for her bath !
Eagle, it is difficult for your sis and nephew, i hope she can get some help. My eldest niece is autistic, deeply, she is not independent at all and does not speak, she communicates but one must be very close to her to understand. Nothing was detected until she started school at the age of 3. My sister and her husband have kept their daughter with them until she was 23, taking her to special need school everyday... And last year they were offered a place in a medical, special need boarding school, it was difficult to take the decision, my sister is 58 and she feels she can physically still look after her child but she is not getting any younger neither her husband and the place offer won't stay open forever, so they accepted it, it is not too far from where they live so they see her twice a week, on Wed when my sister spends the afternoon at the school and on Friday she goes home until Sunday evenning. She is their first born and has 2 younger lovely siblings. It is heartbreaking enough to leave your child for a day, I can't imagine how it feels to let go a child with special needs, what does the child feel ? It was a bit taboo in my family but it is now better with time, I guess, and empathy. Yes, we are all very lucky to have healthy kids, even if I moan about them being lively, talkative...
Somewhere, I agree, in many cultures cosleeping is not seen as a pb, I love to sleep with baby curled against me. DS still wants to sleep with one of us. Think he does not understand why A gets to sleep in our our even if she is in her cot and he has to sleep on his own. So I most of the time sleep with him (so glad we had a double bed for DS, at least I can sleep properly) and DH with A who would settles back on her own during the night if I am not around otherwise she wants the boob to fall asleep ! I am doing everything wrong, aren't I ? according to some gourous.... Extended bF, cosleeping.... Whatever, what is bad in that ? Am I spoiling my kids ? Will they become a-social ?
Oh, we have water leaks. One from the roof in DS' bedroom, going down the wall. And there is a stain on the ceiling in the living room. Hope it stops raining. Called the insurance this morning, this pb needs adressing now... Fx it is just gutters blocked by leaves or roof tile pushed away by wind.
Off to keep on tidying up the study. I have only 1 shelf to deal with but it is full hieght and full of crap, papers.... I don't like that.
Oh yes, DS loved the 3D Walking with dinosaurs, he tried to catch the birds and was sometimes a bit scared but enjoyed the whole experience in the end. I am lucky to share all these firsts with him.
Xxxx

somewherebecomingrain · 08/01/2014 12:15

All very interesting.

bbd I'm in your camp totally. Doing it all wrong, boob until 2, cosleeping, etc etc. and it feels so right!

bbd that sounds like a happy ending of sorts for your sister. Just heart wrenching. I had a boyfriend with a severely autistic sister (no speech & still in nappies as an adult) the mum looked after her at home and she was 32.

eagle your nephew sounds like my sister. I actually believe that personality disorder and autism have some relationship to each other although they are not the same. Is he unlike able? My sister is impossible to like.

There is an autistic boy at my sons school. He is sweet and beautiful an innocuous or so it appears. He's unusually social for an asd person. We went to his house for a play date and it was nice. But I felt my son losing his bearings a bit about what acceptable behaviour is - sort of paying for the experience of the play date in a way the autistic boy could not reciprocate iyswim?

I felt I must not be blasé and I must protect my son whilst also being careful with the autistic boy an also his parents - his mum you could see the pain on her face - she is super lovely.

I'm v interested in this.

OP posts:
rosiedays · 08/01/2014 12:47

I agree it's very quiet on here, to much going on on fb!!!
Packing is happening. .. I'm refusing to let stress spoil anything. Dh too has agreed that we will keep smiling and make the best of what we have. :)
Latest drama... i pulled out our backpacks from under the bed yesterday and they have gone mouldy as has everything stored in them. Ggrrr. The flat is not damp so not sure why. My dive bag is not saveable :(
Trouble is brewing in Egypt as there are ielections next week. The political situation is very unstable and we're well off the tourist track. We need to travel through some rough places so hijab will be required! ! My df is very concerned bless him.
Rosebud is a bit poorly :( i thought I'd try her on some formula in her sippy cup as pumping is such a faff and i need to get over my fear of her having anything but boob in her mouth before weaning. Backfired spectacularly as she has been sick, runny nappies and unsettled since. Oh well. I'm sure all the fingers in her mouth next week will get me over it.

rosiedays · 08/01/2014 12:57

Bbd I'm doing it all 'wrong' too :) co sleeping feeding to sleep plan to bf till 2 and now baby wearing as well. I have a no cry policy, ,if she cries she's picked up
No routeen etc. But it works for us and I'm enjoying it. I was very similar with the other 2and they have grown into wonderful confident capable women. Have faith in what feels right. :)

somewherebecomingrain · 08/01/2014 13:09

Yy to no cry. Xxx

OP posts:
rosiedays · 08/01/2014 13:15

My heart goes out to those who's children have mental health difficulties. We live in a very cruel world. There are questions over rosebuds cognitive development as at bfp I had very uncontrolled thyroid problem. (Off the scale, )consultant did not think pg was viable and expected natural termination. I'm not worrying as what will be will be. God has given me a gift to care for and nurture and that's what I will do. So far she appears fine. Is meeting her milestones (eye contact, smiling, now sitting :) ) each one reassurance me she will be fine. My flippant side thinks she is so beautiful, ,if she's not very clever all is not lost. I'll just have to get her married to a wealthy man :)

rosiedays · 08/01/2014 13:29

I watched a programme recently about a lady (midwife) with twins. One twin had very serious problems. She was in pieces , but just keep saying through her tears and after 2 years of sleep deprivation ' my husband says we've just got to love him and keep on loving him'. It was so powerful. In Islam there is a belief that God will not send you more than you can cope with. This at times keeps me strong.

rosiedays · 08/01/2014 13:52

I watched a programme recently about a lady (midwife) with twins. One twin had very serious problems. She was in pieces , but just keep saying through her tears and after 2 years of sleep deprivation ' my husband says we've just got to love him and keep on loving him'. It was so powerful. In Islam there is a belief that God will not send you more than you can cope with. This at times keeps me strong.

blueblackdye · 08/01/2014 14:07

Rosie, Somewhere, thank you, I knew I found the right place to be. Among generous and lovely women. Yyyy to what we feel right as long as our babies thrive !
Rosebud looks absolutely fine, she will be as clever as cute, I like the Islam saying, will keep it in mind in my dark hours.
I am a bit concerned for you and Rosebud too tbh. But you are in the hands of God, he will protect you and your family. Sorry about the mouldy backpacks.

notsoold · 09/01/2014 08:35

that is why I am always reading here!!! because I am among those that does the "wrong" things! Co-sleeping, bf in demand etc!!! :)

I do not co-sleep because of my (really,really) heavy sleep. I have in the past rolled over anything in bed Grin.

Rosie...thinking of you during this days of unrest. Regarding the teaching I was taught the same and it gave me strength during DD difficult years particularly during her really dark days.

thank you for your ideas about swaddling. I am trying different things to see what J prefers. Also Thank you for support re lack of sleep. Dh took over during school holidays but he is back to work,, so if baby sleeps so do I!!! Our dog is joining in this sleeping in front of the nursery (we have a baby gate) and guarding us...

Maybe I should go to ikea??? (hmmmm meatballs!!!)...

notsoold · 09/01/2014 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knottyhair · 09/01/2014 14:11

notsoold, I've sent you a friend request on FB - once you've accepted me, I can add you to the group! Can't wait to see photos of J! Rosie, also thinking of you and wishing you a safe trip!

According to a lot of people (in RL!), I do all the "wrong things" too, but in a different way! I have never co-slept, only BF for a few weeks and Rosa (and my DS now nearly 10) were in a routine (GF stylee!) from a few weeks old. It works for me, but I can completely understand why it isn't for everyone. Both my DCs are happy, secure & healthy, as long as they are cared for and feel completely loved, you do whatever you find gets you through and makes you the most comfortable Smile. We're all doing a fabulous job!

notsoold · 09/01/2014 14:16

Knotty...done! Thank you !!

blueblackdye · 09/01/2014 22:57

Looks like some of us had a lovely day ! Well done you. So glad you could make it Rosie. The pics are great, thank you for sharing Debbie. Somewhere and myself were spying, I believe !
As for me, dealt with insurance, surveyor, roofing contractors.... With a screaming A as her routine was completely out of the window. Fx next few days will be dry. It is a bit worrying to see water going down the walls. I usually love the sound of raindrops on the skylight but not this time. Beautiful clear sky tonight.
Have a good night sleep every one

rosiedays · 10/01/2014 00:39

Bbd Flowers for leaking roofs and the associated admin. Fx it stays dry for a while, nothing too damaged i hope.
Today was a lovely day. Much needed boost before the journey starts :)
All rosebuds stuff is packed (for the last time i pray ) into 1 hand luggage bag, including a warn sleep sac, a fleece pram suit, ,her fluffy blanket (I've 'forgotten the marshmallow :) ) 12 sets of night clothes 6 pairs of trousers. 4 cardi 7 dresses , tops, tights a pile of vests, bibs, ,muslins nappies, weaning stuff, , ,med bag. Softie, dabdoob (teddy) and Freddie. Have i forgotten anything ???
House is clean, fridge is empty, 1 more wash to do tomorrow. Admin stuff ready to post tomorrow. Passports and tickets all together. 27 hours till launch. :)
Tomorrow some shopping and my packing. On schedule and no dramas. [Wine]

blueblackdye · 10/01/2014 12:07

Rosie, you have everything under control. Try not to forget your underwear ! I almost forgot socks when packing to Marrakech but I doubt you need them in Egypt. You have loads for Rosebud, if too much I guess you could take down to enough for a week and have it washed on site ? I have always travelled very light.
Just spent an hour trying to find extension bits for the safety gates. And now that it is on, it is too wide for the staircase, arrrggghhhhhhhh ! I had them for DS but then we refurbished the flat and swap bathroom and kitchen when he was 3, the kitchen is not anymore on the same level as living room and dining and A loves to go where I am. She knows how to go down backwards but the big flight of stairs scares me, I m ok to let her go unattended on 4 stairs but not 2 or 3 dozen of them. Need to sit down and think. Or just maybe spend the week end teaching her more about stairs. I know she understands instructions and follows them but still I want peace of mind when on my own with her without putting her in "jail". To first timers or those who have not got stairgates yet, check carefully width before purchase.
The insurance surveyor has made contact. Found a roofing contractor who should come this afternoon. Very relieved the weather is dry and bright on top of it !

blueblackdye · 10/01/2014 12:55

Actually, re safety gates, it is more where you want to put the gates that you need to think about, they come with lots of different sizes and single/multiple extensions. Found a solution for mine... A will be happy and I will be ok too.
But roof guy is not coming today, bouh !

rosiedays · 10/01/2014 20:47

Some drama but will get there. 3 weeks is a long time. .. I've had to pack full spectrum of clothes for rosebud accounting for growth! !! The weather is changeable and it's cold at night. At least I can leave what she grows out of behind.I'm sure someone will be glad of it. ;)
Dh has still not even started packing but that's his problem. He's still out buying! !!
4am start and dinner not started yet. Trying really hard to stay calm! !!
Still having panics. No car chair is so scary and wrong. Deep breath.

blueblackdye · 10/01/2014 20:47

Have a safe smooth journey Rosie and when you can, drop us a line to say you have a wonderful time with in laws. Lots of hugs
Wave to all.

EagleRay · 10/01/2014 21:59

Good luck Rosie! Hope you have a safe journey and please come back and vent when you can.

By the way, my top travel tip with babies is a ziploc bag containing a bar of Vanish soap, some hand washing liquid and a few clothes pegs! I guess you may have laundry facilities where you're going anyway? When we've been abroad with DD, we haven't used half the clothes we've packed as usually wash stuff as we go. This was especially so when she was pooing through clothes as didn't want to leave it for days.

Why no car seat? Can't you just take it? We've taken one both holidays and it's proved to be v v useful, even when not driving.

I expect the luggage fairies will help DH out with his packing. DP always relies on them when he's travelling as he likes to leave things til the 11th hour then try and tip the contents of his wardrobe into a bag

Last weekday off today before starting work on Monday - feels quite weird, as if I'm re-entering the earth's atmosphere at breakneck speed. Visited a CM this morning (there's one day that the nursery can't cover) and DD will be going there from next week for that day. It's within a mile of my workplace, which is nice - that's one day of the week where I won't be racing back to the nursery through heavy traffic to do pickup, or trying to race to work after dropoff.

One regret about my time off is that I didn't pay more attention of late to weight loss, and have struggled to get any of my work clothes to fit. Have had to buy a maternity skirt off Ebay and this will do the job until I figure out the dress code and lose a few pounds off my waist.

Fantastic day yesterday - it was a boost for me too Rosie. I thought our meeting in the cafe went incredibly well - hmm will be still saying that in one year's time with toddlers?

By the way, Scarecrow, found a little navy cardi behind the front door this morning. It should be winging its way to you in the next couple of days.

blueblackdye · 10/01/2014 22:32

Eagle, good luck on Monday, it might take a few weeks to settle in the new routine for both of you but you will get there in the end. My first 6 months back with DS helped my weight drop as well although I kept 3kg around the waist for 4 years. Until I had A and now with 2, I m lighter than pre pg... Enjoy your week end with DP and baby Eagle.

Swipe left for the next trending thread