Gardening in the winter sun. 40-something mums Christmas thread

[somewherebecomingrain]

40-something mums with babies of all ages - please join us. The 20-something and 30-something mums will never satisfy you like this thread.

[Blueblackdye]

Is this the end of the thread ? If anyone wants to join, PM me. This thread was a fantastic support and still is. It started 26 months ago, I made lots of new friends on here and in RL too.

[drspouse]

You just click on Message Poster I think?

[knottyhair]

Not sure how to PM you as I think your profile settings are private? I may be being thick! Can you PM me your facebook details - name, what your profile picture is etc., then I can send you a friend request.

[drspouse]

I am on FB, do PM me.

We don't really contact birth grandparents that much, more of a Christmas and birthday thing, not random questions, which is why I was confused.

We've told DS we're going on holiday, we do generally talk to him about babies but not in specific terms. Just about his friends' baby siblings etc.

[knottyhair]

Really really hope it goes well drspouse, will be thinking of you on Monday. Let us know how it goes if/when you can. I know this thread has quietened down but we're all quite active on the FB group. Don't know if you have a FB profile but if you do or want to set one up just for the group, let me know and we can get it sorted x

[Blueblackdye]

Reply On food intolerance re tomato.
Omg, this travel is exciting news. I can feel you want to rejoice but not too soon. Please keep us posted on how it goes. Fx, fx for you. How much did you tell DS ?

[drspouse]

Reply? Sorry not sure on what.

Anyway big news is we are travelling on Monday (just me and DS initially) hopefully to meet our new baby. The legalities and medical stuff is not all certain yet so I've had to tell work I'll be away for "weeks, or months" but we do have to be prepared that it might not work out.

[Blueblackdye]

Any reply from the Grand parents DrSpouse ?

[Blueblackdye]

Lost my post, don't have the energy to rewrite. Short version is : good luck DrSpouse with the trials, do you have piritone handy just in case ?
Off to bed. I need to. It is a physical need now. Good night everyone

[drspouse]

It seems to be both raw and cooked (though I'm going to risk baked beans soon) and even a strawberry yoghurt (I don't give him sweetened yoghurts so I had to adjust my cardi over that one!)
We have info on his birth mum but nothing on his birth dad. We may ask the grandparents as we can contact them more easily e.g. was there anything with siblings.

[Blueblackdye]

Thanks DrSpouse. DH is brilliant at playing and entertaining kids but he has no idea of balance diet, multi tasks, time keeping and organisation. He had a mum who did everything for him until he was 23 ! On top of that, I cannot suggest anything, he does not hear subtle messages and if I am more directive, he gets upset. Communication has become an issue. I try to focus on his good qualities but it is hard. I don't want to bite my tongue over the way we bring up our children, values, good manners. We seem to be million years apart.
Had a better night last night, with little A sleeping from 7.30 to 6.20 and I was in bed by 9pm, it helped coping with single parenthood this week.
Thinking about reaction to tomato, is it raw tomato only or even cooked that brings out the rash ? If raw, you might want to look into very well washed, organic maybe ? Any other food sensitivity ? Do you know about DS family background re diet ? Can you find out ?

[drspouse]

Sounds like you're finding it hard BBD, sorry to hear that. My DH is pretty tidy but short on inspiration for toddler meals so I do occasionally suggest "we've got eggs and mushrooms in" or "it's OK to give him the leftovers from yesterday". If he doesn't have an idea for a new meal it tends to be cheese on toast with tomatoes* and a fruit or plain yoghurt pudding, but at least that's balanced even if not varied.

*Except we've just discovered tomatoes bring him out in a rash. Trying to think currently about alternative meals as we eat a lot of them!

[Blueblackdye]

THank you Knotty, I feel less alone although I am sorry you have hard times too. It is not (yet) the money issue, DH knows that I am very careful with money and he does not need remind me. I feel I am maybe resentful because I chose to stay at home well everything falls on my shoulders, house, food, admin, school runs.... The fact is like you, we deal with 5 things at the same time and they don't see why we are a bit cranky. If I happen to leave DH in charge, kids are fed with pasta only, no raw veg, no cooked veg, no dairy, maybe a fruit and living, bath and bedrooms are bomb sites, as well as kitchen, kids face after meal not cleaned, don't know if their hands have been washed before either, not to mention activities and b'days. If I mention any of these, end result is a row and no talking for days. The worst bit is when DH comes home, he does not talk.... I have not had grown up chat all day long and he is mute when he comes home ! I sometimes feel I am part of the furniture.
Keep saying to myself it will get better soon, at least when little A is 3 or 4. 2 more years. Hope I won't implode before. Weirdly kids keep me sane although between 4 and 7.30pm they drive me mad :)
Thank you for reading

[knottyhair]

Drspouse, fingers crossed for you, sounds like it's all going well at the moment. BBD, sorry you're having such a rough time with DH. Relationships are bloody hard sometimes, aren't they? DP is around a lot more than your DH but we still have issues, mainly around his attitude to money - i.e. he earns it therefore it is his even though it was a joint decision that I would stay at home with DCs. And that basically because I'm here he doesn't have to concern himself with any cooking/cleaning/shopping/washing etc. which simplifies his life somewhat. Not that he doesn't work hard, but it means he can concentrate on that and not worry about anything else. He's home every night for Rosa's evening routine but he doesn't really appreciate how hard it can be to be dealing with her "grumpy time" whilst trying to get her tea ready, plus deal with DS's homework, or wanting to tell me something usually Minecraft related. Plus when he had Rosa for a day recently, he referred to it as "babysitting" - he won't do that again! How is your DH when you try to address these things with him? If I try to talk to DP about it, it always descends into a row and so I just bite my tongue and try to concentrate on the positive stuff about him, but it's hard sometimes!

[Blueblackdye]

You won't lose us, DrSpouse. I have been away too and it fell off ....
Some people have no tact. Keep smiling.
It is pretty hectic on my side. DH travelling again, back pain on and off, little A sleeping for hours after lunch (but not after 5.30am) which makes me late and overstressed for DS's pick up.... Plus I volunteered to read stories to kids at nursery. And applied for part time job.
My marriage is a bit funny, it has been like this for almost 2 years now. Not sure about direction to follow. I do keep smiling but it is getting harder and harder.
Sorry, it is not a happy Sat night.

[drspouse]

I'm not quite sure why as earlier threads seem to be on there, but this fell off my Threads I'm On. I must watch it as well, can't lose you lot!

Well things look positive still for the adoption so I've been telling a few people at work a few more specifics and there is someone who'll take over a major job who I've been briefing. She kept saying "have you got the house ready?" which you just don't do when you are adopting as there is such a high likelihood of it all falling through. Another colleague (who previously tended to have foot-in-mouth syndrome) was more sympathetic when I said "well, it could be weeks, or a year" and actually seemed to get that you just don't have 9 months to get ready like with a birth!

[Blueblackdye]

Ohohoh BG sleeps ! Yeah !
DS is trying to read over my shoulder everything I am writing now. I won't be able to keep secret from him soon. Not that there is a lot of secrets on MN !

[Goatbongosanonymous]

Goodness, I have missed so much on this thread. Big news, like somewhere is going to get married, and drspouse might have an adoption match! Wonderful news. Sorry to hear about your mum's cancer, somewhere, you all sound very supportive of each other. How is your back bbd? I hope you have managed to rest it. Sorry to miss all other news. I am overwhelmed with everything I have missed!

As for us, young BG is talking up a storm now. And I realise that he probably has been for some time, but it was so unclear that I didn't understand. Oops. Also, it shows what a terrible mother I am that some of his clearest words are 'Igglepiggle' and 'Tomblyboos' and 'ogpog'... But very proud that he can say 'shoes' perfectly. A child after my own heart! (DH is trying to teach him to say 'light sabre'. No gender stereotyping in our house!!)

Sleeping is TONS better. He even sleeps through on occasion! And wakes perhaps once or twice, takes a slug of water and goes back to sleep. We don't know ourselves. And this morning he didn't wake until 6:30. What a luxurious lie in!!

Hope you are all enjoying the long weekend.

[scarecrow22]

lovely long update, somewhere Sorry your mum's cancer back but a positive outlook in the circumstances. So hope the treatment is kind to her. Wonderful news about DS and v positive about your sister. That first step so important, and credit to her brave. Enjoy planning the hen and wedding, enjoy starting to work and the affirmation that can bring, and enjoy this blossoming spring. x

[Blueblackdye]

Somewhere, looks like life is treating you well. Wedding plans, DS happy at school and making friends, Somelet growing and your sister acknowledging Issues, things are improving !!!!
I an taking your advice, waiting at hairdresser atm. On Thursday DH will take a day off to allow me some rest, thanks God !
Will be back later, my turn now

[somewherebecomingrain]

Im confused as i know there are more posts on this thread than I can see on this page. It ends with Knotty asking 'ave you got any longpigs' and i know there were posts after that. yet it is telling me this is the last page.

Oh well.

I'm on my computer a I am working. So taking the oppo to type a longer missive than usual.

drspouse so where are you going to start looking for dc2? How long could it take? How old will he/she be?

bbd your back situation and absent DH sounds tough. I hope you are bearing up. I hope this isn't a stupid question but have you got family nearby? Make sure you go to bed early and eat well? Can you treat yourself to something really nice like a spa day, or even a dip at the local municipal pool and its sauna. I never do things like that - first one in years when I have my hen do - but they are very restorative if you can organise it and throw yourself into it.

As I can't see the latest updates I shall do an epic AFM.

My sis, who you may remember I had some tensions with, has got the minipill for her PMT. I sort of doubt it's PMT but the fact that she has named a mental problem, and actually done something about it, outweighs the accuracy issue. We are getting on much better. Her kids seem happier.

My little somelette is too gorgeous. I was listening to Beyonce Rise Up (a serious serious power ballad) with her the other day:

Rise up little woman/
I see you in me

And I just started weeping with joy. She looked at me very curiously, did a quizzical expression we refer to in our house as 'Full Mel Smith'. She has never seen tears on an adult before.

DS is so out of that magical supernatural beauty of babyhood phase its crazy. He is Grubby Little Boy. There is something diminishing about growing older as you become more ordinary. Babies are just so beautiful it feels like a dream.

But then he is kind or articulate or helpful or funny or wins an argument with me or starts a really interesting conversation about time or can virtually fry his own egg. It's lower octane magic but its still magic, and requires a lot less effort from me!

He is doing fine at school and seems to be socially a bit of a butterfly but just has fun with everybody and anybody.

My mum's cancer has come back but again, its mild, it can be treated and there is no reason to think she won't live with it for really quite some time. Although we can't be certain.

Ok I will stop as I have to get back to work.

hugs to all you good people.

x

[Blueblackdye]

Just to say hello really, have not had a chance to read properly, spent too much time on fb :(
Rosie, how are you feeling now ? Same to Scarecrow ?
SBR, well done on the B2B conference, hope you managed to catch quickly a train back :)
Eagleray, so so so envious of your hols, looks like paradise to me. One day I will take the kids to the Tropics for a whole month, just me and them.

Friends have offered to take DS 2 consecutive afternoons this week end. That was a real treat for me. Missed him but at least got some rest and had only little A to look after. Back is better, waiting to hear from GP re XRay. Might divorce of DH since he emailed me his travel plans for the next term. Tbh, I feel like being a single mum often. Not really looking forward to the terrible 2s.

Good night all. I have not had dinner yet, starving like a horse now !

[drspouse]

somewhere the hard bit is finding our child - we thought we had a match - then we thought we didn't - now we think maybe we do again. We'll see!

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hello sitting on an overland train after doin a bit of b to b journalism at a conference. I am feeling a proud feeling of expertise at listening to middle aged men in suits talk about their professions.

scare lovely to hear from you.

bbd I hope Dh is back soon. Lovely fb pics.

You too eagle

dr is that the hard bit over? Or is finding your child the hard bit?

F* I just missed my stop.

[scarecrow22]

Hello strangers. Been in Devon with family and largely off line, plus not super well so reserving energy for family, iyswim.

Hope I remember all news....

Sbr huge congratulations on wedding! what a wonderful thing to have dc there to witness you. Very happy for you. And food sounds delicious. Hope bf weaning okay. My tip would be put your non bf bras on so it's not so easy to whip out the comfort. Tom has adapted super well. Also off formula on cows milk now and huge improvement to constipation problem.

Bbd I do hope your back has calmed down. When is x ray? Also hope you are coping okay without DP. Use school/nursery time to rest as much as possible. I've asked a friend to bring me back a Madeleine tin from France so hope to need your recipe again soon!

Eagle so sorry about illnesses. Really feel for you. Hope you still make happy memories (if not another eaglet ;-) ). Wonderful news, too, about 3days. Hurrah for rest of us too!

Knotty a hen do?! I live vicariously through you. Hope it was okay away from kids - usually easier doing it than thinking about it, I feel. My sister has offered us up to two nights away without kids to celebrate our 10y wedding anniversary this year. I feel empty when I think of leaving them. But I think good for me and us as a couple. Now we have the eternal dilemma - Stuart wants to go to a festival and mosh all night, I want to sleep, read and walk/run in open country.... You'd think we'd have resolved this by now!!

rosie You poor poor thing. Scary. And painful. I truly hope you are well on the way to recovered.

drS so pleased at your adoption approval. Now wishing the three of you a good ending to the story.

Goat holiday looked wonderful. and for you. Sorry about BG's tummy problems. I imagine every month and year you will learn how to adapt and pre empt such problems, until it is second nature. Hope too it is a little less horrible when you at least know what it is.

Hope I've not forgotten anybody.

Tintin is changing so much. He climbed the stairs all the way this evening; he claps his hands to "If you're happy and you know it", he crawled after the cat at our holiday cottage squealing with delight and spent the week trying to pull her tail and clumsily "stroking" the poor docile moggie, he is more or less refusing to be fed, at least by me, and showing a worryingly stubborn streak - all disguised with bashful cock- headed smiles! His hair still stands up a little.

Chest problem lingering. Back to GP tomorrow as anything other than sedentary inaction and not talking causes coughing and pain, still. Don't think it is madly serious but seem unable to shift it. Boo!

Waves to all x

Sorry if I've missed anyone