Gardening in the winter sun. 40-something mums Christmas thread

[somewherebecomingrain]

40-something mums with babies of all ages - please join us. The 20-something and 30-something mums will never satisfy you like this thread.

rosie are you completely wedded to all finger food? We just did a mixture of finger and spoon feeding but we never pureed anything, just mashed. So he had ordinary porridge with raisins made with whole milk, but we fed him that. Then he had lots of other things he could grasp - it just depends on the food.

We are aiming for approval in April, not matching. I find that people who don't know about adoption often have a rather unrealistic idea of how quick it is (or rather, isn't). Though we've had the opposite problem with one of our referees, I rang up and he wasn't in but I spoke to his wife, about whether he'll be up visiting and our social worker might be able to see him then. Oh, she says, when are you hoping to finish this by? Well, we are going to approval panel in early April. Oh, so he has to see the SW by then? No, well, she has to get all the paperwork into panel two weeks before that, but obviously she'll want to be doing it well in advance. Oh, that's quite soon then? Well no, not really, it is a couple of months and it is only an hour's meeting, but you can't just say "oh I'm free in June, will that do". Gah.

I'm sorry drspouse, i did think April was soon but have no idea of the process. How long from approval to matching? ?
I'm spoon feeding dd things like yogurt, and mush (last night was home nmade chicken leak and potato soup.)
She is fine with mush and was ok with avocado and rice cake but yesterday chocked/gagged on cucumber and I panicked.
Meeting with a friend today (pudding :) ) who has dd Same age and has nailed the weaning thing so hoping she can help mycconfidence.

How long from approval to matching?

You know that handy piece of string you have? That long.

T's favourite ever meal I've fed him (purée led with a bit of blw here) is the puréed mush left over when I made veg stock a couple of weeks ago.... Basically boiled celery, onion, carrot and parsley with the peppercorns and bay leaves fished out. I mix with pasta and grated cheese: he would eat the spoon and my hand. He literally launches himself onto it. eagle can vouch for this manoeuvre

Woke with T at approx midnight, 2am, 4am and 6 last night, plus DD twice for bad dream. Dh didn't make me a cup of tea this morning, and went to bed an hour or more ago complaining he was tired (?????????) and leaving me to finish some research he's nagged me into for a presentation on Monday.

I actually feel like a f*ing mug

I'm gobsmacked. Truly. But the finisher-completed in me could not just ditch the research and follow him.

....

Rosie, I was scared too of choking, still am sometimes. So casserole is something I cook a lot. Chicken diced with veg served with rice, bulgur whear, quinoa or couscous. Couscous, tagines, curries. DdS loves sausage with lentils and spinach, small pasta with boiled/steamed salmon/cod with boiled/steamed brocolis/carrot/cauliflower, finished with a bit of olive oil and lemon, or raywing in a butter and capers and white vinegar sauce served with boiled potatoes or rice, spaghetti bolognese with lots of vegetables mixed (celery carrot sweet pepper) in the tomato sauce. Spoon feeding I know but kids learn quickly how to use a spoon (ok, you do get a fair bit on the floor, highchair, cloth and hair). I often steam vegetables and keep some for fingerfood, it keeps them occupied when you shove in the spoon ! Soft brocolis, caulifolwer, green bean, carrot... Ripe pear, kiwi, mango, toast, the gagging reflex is very good, trust Rosebud, if she sits well, what she can put it, she can get it out. Surely Pudding has given you some tips as well.
Brilliant news about new baby in your family, is it your sister or do you have a son as well (I thought you have 2 DD only) ? And congrats on DD2's second pg !

Scarecrow, sorry about DH being selfish. I don't think men have a clue about being at home with children. They babysit only when they look after their kids, don't they ? While we multitask all the time and are present 24/7, night and day, 365 days a year. I am debating again with myself about finding a job. DH is not supportive at all, it is getting worse and worse, he gets home at 8.30/9pm now, I truly believe he is at work but still. The only thing that stops me is holiday time, I want to be with DCs when they are off. So I need part time over 5 days (9.30 to 2.30) and term only position.... Hum, it will not be easy but not impossible or am I kidding myself ?

I'm a completer-finisher too Scarecrow - there are an awful lot of them in my line of work. Although I sometimes wonder if my personality led me to that job, or if the job moulded my personality? I guess you are used to having to meet deadlines Anyway, poor tired DH - maybe he still has jetlag or something

can vouch for T's enthusiasm - I wondered if perhaps mummy only fed him once a week! I am also a fan of puree here, non-puree there. As with most aspects of childrearing, I didn't put any thought into it and just did something until she complained and then changed tactics.

DP back here this eve as made a decision earlier to keep DD away from nursery tomorrow and DP can take the day off and look after her. As some of you will know, had a phone call earlier from nursery asking me to take her to docs as her eyes have loads of goo in them and the nursery is rife with eye infections at the mo. Managed to get a v late appt and made it by the skin of my teeth. Good news is that she doesn't have any scary eye infections or conjunctivitis - he thinks it's just goo from her nose travelling up to her eye through the tear duct (or some similar channel). Also got a prescription for her eczema and reassurance that her poos are normal (it's like a bomb going off in the morning).

There's no reason to exclude her from nursery, which is a relief, but figured a day at home would be nice for her anyway as she's had a month of full time childcare now, and it must feel pretty intense. Will be interesting to see how Daddy Day Care goes, given that he brushed her teeth with a tube of moisturiser this morning

Oh, and a little update to my earlier moan about my slightly cheerless office environment. Was dragged into a project meeting this morning, and the very charisma-less project manager was waffling on and started going on about 'taking a discussion offline'. Suddenly there was a flurry of paperwork around the meeting room, everyone got out a printed spreadsheet and started looking at it and someone muttered 'bingo'. Turns out the whole team plays bullshit bingo and there's an official list of terms the manager is fond of using so they tick them off whenever he comes out with one (eg 'cognisant', 'knowledge economy' etc). So, I really am in an episode of The Office, but it did make me laugh.

So Rosie another grandchild on the way? Is this the 3rd? Or 4th? Congratulations to you and DD! And if you need any help with cv rejigging, I'm reasonably good at reading through stuff

Eagleray, glad DD has nothing serious. Love the moisturiser/toothpaste and bullshit bingo !

I hear you scarecrow re selfishi dh. I can barely speak to mine at the moment but I'm excepting that I choose to marry a selfish man and always knew i would take the brunt of parenting (in All that it in tails) He is happy with the(nonexistent) time he spends parenting. That's his choice. Dc are a joy to spend time with, so f**k them( dh's) and enjoy. :)
..... i just rocked rosebud back to sleep and she sang her sleep song for ages. It was beautiful. There is something so satisfying about rocking babies to sleep. :)
Thanks for all the weaning advice. .. will take notes tomorrow had a lovely time with pudding who has clearly explained the gagging (and it's impotence) GGrrrr not enjoying weaning at all. ... my baby bag has doubled in size and there are bits of cut up stuff everywhere in the fridge. The washing upIis ridiculous for 1 small person !!!

Eagle I'm sure all will be fine. ... I've seen some horrific childcare in the past 3 weeks. ... babies are resilient. :)
And yes please read through.

I have 3 Dd, Dd1 25, dgs 3 months. Dd2 23, dgd age 2.5 and pg. Dd3 rosebud :)

scarecrow that's not very nice both the waking and the annoying DH expecting you to do something - is it HIS work? or your joint work? or what?

Gosh rosie I didn't realise you had adult DDs and grandchildren too - I feel like a real novice with just the one.

I spent quite a while taking along buttered bread or bits of rice cake or fruit, or ordering really odd meals for myself that would somehow do for DS or a bit of them would. We had a lot of "banana fed off the spoon" too as that was tidy and quick and filling.

Eagle hilarious about the office bingo.

Toddler "dance" today, I was just trying to write a short letter about some adoption stuff but DS is moaning "up, up" and clutching his Mog book so that must come first I think.

DrSpouse, whatever game with kids always comes first ! :)
Had a hectic start this morning, A has regressed (!) taking advice on her MN baby friends and did a poonami this morning after she was totally changed and ready to go to nursery.... DH needed help to take off clothes, bath and put her in clean cloth again, DS was waiting in his coat and shoes to go to school.... I need a coffee and 2min now to recover.
Sewing (turning DS's trousers into bermudas as the knees are worn out and one has an hole....) tidying and if I can, go to the hairdresser...

Wow, the more I read on this thread the more I realise what a rare gem my DH is. He won't let me do more than two nights of sleeplessness before he takes a turn. I wish I could make some of this rub off on other DHs/DPs.
BG's upset tummy turned into proper gastroenteritis. Again. He is currently asleep on my leg, so the house must remain a mess. What with tube strikes and this, I have to go to work tomorrow. Instead of having the first day out with my friends since BG was born.

Sorry that was a bit self indulgent!

Poor you and BG. Try to get so rest too then !

Rosie I think.confusion about a secret son was from post at 9.04 yest morning as you said "ds had a baby boy (9.4lb)"...? sister??

goat I so so hope bg is better fast. Poor both of you. Any suggestion from medical profession why he gets them so regularly??

somewhere are you okay? x

Thanks Scarecrow I thought I was too tired to read Rosie's post correctly...
Went to hairdresser in the end, first time in 7 years that I am cheating on my French hairdresser, time will tell if I made the right decision... But DS said I looked beautiful. So far so good !
First week end in almost a year that we have nothing scheduled in the afternoon. DH will drop DS to Chinese class, run to his gym and run back to pick him up and run home for lunch and put A diwn for her nap. DH should lose a bit of weight, we hope !!! :)

Yes yes yes sister had baby. No secret sons unfortunately :( !!! Sorry. Doh .
Bbd your morning sounds awful, hope your day improved
Oh goat :( i hope this somehow sorts itself out or you get some decent solution soon. Must be frustrating. Hugs
Sleep dust failure tonight here. :( enjoying giggly sleepy snuggles and waiting for next yawn as que to plug boob in ;)

Rosie, I am fine, thank you. Morning rush and 4 to 7pm are the worst times of the day, stressing out to get to school and then trying to get them in bed before OT kicks in... I know it will get better but I find myself a bit short tempered lately. The hairdresser was an attempt to relax, failed, as she was late and I had to run like a mad cow to pick up DS ! :) next time, I will allow a bit of flexibility. I still try to squeeze too many things in and get stressed. My fault really !

Eagleray, sorry about the fall but DD seems ok apart from the bruise, maybe. Pudding, feeling for you too after the dip in the bath. Rosie, I would be very cross too. Babies are resilient and less fragile than we think, my GP and brother always says. But we are Mums, we have carried these little human beings in our body for 9months, felt them grow, move, fed them, spent sleepless nights, we know it is a miracle to be treasured, anything that can hurt or make them uncomfortable is simply unbearable to us. I don't think men, as much as they love their children, can/will ever feel the same way. As Rosie said, everyone is fed, noone is dead.

Hum on my side as well, A rolled down 4 or 5 steps before DH caught her, she was under his care but he was on the phone and followed her not close enough, I saw her sit down on the last and highest step, knew and watched her she lose balance but I could not do anything as I was on the upper landing, and apart from jumping over the banister and stop time there was nothing I could do to catch her. She wasn't hurt, but had a fright, I hope a big one.

Stupid question from a foreigner, I'd rather ask you as I feel more comfortable with you than going on the Education talks, can anyone explain to me preschool nursery and nursery ? Is the only difference being the first is attached to a school, presumably, kids going to this would attend school afterwards ? Is Preschool nursery only part time ? Either mornings or afternoons ? From which age ? What about activities ? My nursery offer Literacy, Numeracy, Sports, Science, French/Spanish to all kids from 3yo to 5yo and also nap/quiet time. DS was born in Oct so he turned 5 only 2 months after starting Reception. But A is a Summer baby, end of July, she will be 4 and 1 month when she starts Reception. Or can I keep her at preschool nursery/nursery until she is 5 ? DS had a nap until he was 4.8 yo and he needed it clearly. 6/7 months can make a huge difference at this age. I can imagine that it will of course depend on her development too and each preschool nursery has its own rules but in general what do you know about these ? I realise that A is only 18 months but I need to look into independant schools now if I want to keep all options open. I have less concern about state schools as they allow to start Reception the term they turn 5. Or am i just confused ? Please help me see clearly.

Enjoy the week end everyone.

Hello

rosie thanks for your kind words about my sister. Just what I needed to hear. Sometime when you help people you stop them from having to change for the better.

I just wanted to share two breast related stories.

First as I rolled baby some into the side feeding position I got a horrible shock as I managed to cup my breast in a bad way - creating the most veiny puckered wrinkled porous crepey sight - right down to the nipple. It was like I was 110! Slight shift and it all popped out again.

The second story is that baby some has started blowing raspberries on my nipple while feeding, and then giggling at her own stupendous wit (that silver bells giggle they do at that age).

I have nothing to offer on the boobage front (except for new bras having lost a bit of weight? does that count? I'm now lighter than I've been in the last, probably, 20 years).

But blueblack I can kind of answer the nursery question. You can have private nurseries, or school nurseries (I think that's what you mean by preschool nurseries).

Private nurseries are set up, as far as I can work out, in order to enable parents to work. School nurseries seem to be set up to give children an experience of school. Private nurseries generally have opening hours and weeks of operation that are compatible with a full time job* while school nurseries usually operate hours/terms that are more or less the same as schools, and often only give children a place for a few mornings/afternoons. They also tend to start from age 3, though some now start from age 2.

It used to be, I believe, that if you wanted your funded nursery place from age 3 you had to use it in a school nursery but that's no longer the case - you can use it in most private nurseries, and with some childminders.

There are a few in-betweeny type nurseries - one of our schools close by has an attached nursery, but the other one doesn't, so a private nursery has sprung up just across the road. It used to be from age 3 and term times only but is now from age 2 and operates all year round, and the hours would just about enable a parent to work full days if work was very close (mine isn't close enough, though we did consider this nursery).

*Insert rant here about my workplace nursery that doesn't stay open as long as we are expected to keep office hours, and makes you take your child out for holidays that add up to your entire holiday allowance, leaving none of it for emergencies.

Sorry I didn't answer the full question:

Children will generally be offered a full time place in Reception from the September before they are 5 - so nearly a year for your DD.

A private nursery might well be happy to keep her until just before she's 5 (after all, they are getting paid, and they usually have a lower ratio but the same price for the 4 year olds). However you'd be then putting her into year 1 which many families don't like, and you'd be relying on your chosen school actually having a place in year 1.

A school nursery would almost certainly not offer her a place, even a part time place, at this age - they'd need the space for younger children, and would be under pressure to move her into Reception to get the Government funding for that.

Not all children in a school's nursery get a place in Reception, it depends on their policies - maybe closer children, or siblings of those actually in the school, have priority. You can see it would be very annoying if you worked full time so used a private nursery, but an older sibling was at the same school, to be told that a child from the school nursery had taken your younger sibling's place - you have no way to use that school nursery so can't take that route.

I find that activities are more or less the same in most nurseries -have a look at their websites, they are generally quite helpful.

Our DS is a nap monster and I can see him having a nap at 4 (but he's a Jan baby so will be over 4 1/2 when he starts school). But I guess he can nap at home or if he goes to a CM after school (I can't see after school club working that well for him in Reception).

Hi some :) re boobs i have my best cleavage ever in a good bra. .. take it off and it's a whole new view :) especially if she's been a boob monster all day !!!

Bbd, drspouse has covered it v thoroughly, but I just checked about when they ^have^ to go to school-proper.

Gov.uk says:

"Children must get an education between the school term after their 5th birthday and the last Friday in June in the school year they turn 16."

I tend to use the shorthand 'nursery' for places children go from baby, potentially all day; and 'nursery school' for those that tend to be mornings (or afternoon), from 2 or 2.5 years, and tend to be more a mix of play group and early educational play.

Reception is the official school year (1/9-31/08) when dc turn five, and as the name suggests is the first year of school proper. As drS suggests, parents usually put kids in school from September that year: as per above this is clearly not legally required for all children, so I suspect a mix of reasons - people assume they have to, securing a place for then, concern about dc falling behind, and free childcare....

"Pre-school" is more of a description of the year before school officially begins. Lots of organisations can be used (a daycare nursery, nursery school, the nursery attached to a school (usually called preschool)...or the child can simply remain with parent/s or childminder, etc..

There will be guidelines for what children should be achieving at the pre-school stage/age, as there are at all ages, so any organisation should offer similar experiences and guide children to, say, recognise their name, or whatever the department for education has decreed.

In short I'd consider:

(1) where you want A to go for year 1 and find out if she can start then, what chances are she'll get a place, and what experience they will have of children skipping reception at school ( or whether they can offer a compromise such as three days, rising to four as the year progresses).

(2) if there are any good places A could remain/go for reception year that are not school.

Fwiw I am minded to send T (April bday) from September in Reception as I think the bonding with classmates and being in line with their experiences would be important. But maybe I'll feel differently when the time comes....

Another late night for dd, feeding to sleep (hopefully)
Packing again as off to my parents for a days and to pick up the car :)
Really looking forward to seeing best friend and her dc (dd 1, ds 7) and dd2 and dgd :) (who is a late talker and has just learnt to say nanny :).

Had another lovely day with rosebud. She's in a lovely developmental faze, finding her voice, constantly singing whatasounds like whale song :)
Pulling wonderful faces when trying new foods and has developed an 'eh-eh' sound which appears to be the new ' i want something' noise'
She's still not self propelling at all so doing lots of tummy time and gently encouraging rolling (although I quite like it that she's not moving yet :) )

Bbd gosh bet you got a fright too did you get a stair Gate?? Stairs scare the hell out of me with moving babies. Dd2 had a very nasty fall at about 2 requiring 999, blue lights, the works and a 4 day stay in hospital. Very scary (But a long time ago now)