Gardening in the winter sun. 40-something mums Christmas thread

[somewherebecomingrain]

40-something mums with babies of all ages - please join us. The 20-something and 30-something mums will never satisfy you like this thread.

Hiya just heard my old flat mate and friend died today. He leaves a wife with fairly severe but stable MS and an 18 month baby. Their love was so beautiful. He was such a sweet man. I consider her a dear friend too. God knows what happens now.

Must sleep - start moving house tomorrow.

Hugs to all xxx

Ps I feel hallucinatory and numb about it, and shaken. But also slightly nauseous relief the angel passed over my house.

Hugs to all you dear people.

Ps I feel hallucinatory and numb about it, and shaken. But also slightly nauseous and not pleasant relief the angel passed over my house.

Hugs to all you dear people.

Lesson to learn: prepare for the worst to be able to make the most of the present, life is too short. So sorry Somewhere, I bet you feel shaken, if you can be present for your friend and her baby, she will need support in the long run, today she will have lots but in a few months time, people get on but then she will feel lonely, very much.
Scarecrow, every evening there is a moment I wish DH was here or had an extra pair of hands, when DCs are both calling/screaming for my attention. I suppose every household goes through these hectic hours where everything needs to be done at the same time no matter how organised. Don't panic. There are things you have not done with DS but you spent time with him and nothing else matters. I truly believe it is better to have 15 min a day of 1-2-1 rather than nothing the whole week and suddenly 2 whole days.
Hope DD recovers soon, poor lamb.
Rosie, have not had a chance to watch the news, how are things ? Hope you have a quiet night.

Oh somewhere I'm sorry. Huge hugs x your in my prayers. Please take care of yourself too.

Scarecrow I've been to baby group twice. And II'm not going again! You've done loads with them both. Please put your positive head on and look at all the great things you did! Xx
Make the next few weeks as much fun as possible, I still believe looking after children is easier as a solo parent most of the time.

Today has been ok. No major problem yet. I'm coping much better and have taken a bit of a firmer stand in making sure dd needs come first. Today they arranged to have her baby pictures done at 9pm. I got her up when I'd normally dream feed. I have tried to explain over and over. Dd wants her bed by 7.30-8. Not 2am. Egyptain babies are taught/encouraged to sleep from 3-4 am to 2pm.
Dh has, as always when wwe visit his mum become very egyptain. He is out from 10pm till 4 am every night and will be for the duration of our stay. I'm somehow cool with that

scare hope you are ok and Lucy 40 sounds serious. I've not done baby groups either - particularly plagued by failure to do newfangled baby sensory type things which would have rocket powered her development but too late now.

rosie what is he doing? When do they go to work? Love that you are cool with it! You are super cool!

I agree about the solo parenting - it has compensations i do find that, in a way dp complicates things. My sister I think is hiding behind the single parent thing. It's not an excuse to be so stressed and troubled.

AFM still a heavy heart. He is someone I saw twice a year at most but I lived with him for four years. Will go and see widow and baby girl soon. She has MS - In the night it occurred to me is that life limiting? This isn't just 'any old' dad drops dead its especially cruel.

Xxx

somewhere I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That must be a horrible shock and sadness. And do not feel guilt for your responses. Acknowledge the thoughts and if you feel uncomfortable move on. of course you ate relieved it is not you: the alternative thought would be unthinkable. It does not negate or preclude your grief or compassion.

Lucy better, I'm on the mend.

Rosie I do hope you are okay. Eagle and Cycle, hope first week still okay.

Surviving! !! Oh my poor ears. No one speaks every one shouts.
Took dd to have photo shoot today. It was awful. I let sil choose outfits and arrange everything. The pictures were taken in a filthy room with dd sat on a broken desk. Thankfully i had brought her blanket so she had something nice to sit on. 2hours 4 outfits and no smiles. 5 people shouting 'dd' from all directions and the photo guy making pishhhh pishhhh sound and spitting in her poor face. I was beside myself and she was distraught. I eventually lost my cool and started shouting at people. Calmed dd fed her and asked dh to keep things calm and quite. We will see in a few days how they look. Poses included sitting and laying on tummy.
Let mil feed dd carrot mush which came back out other end looking like it went in !! She coped fine swallowing but I still need to work on my phobia.
Scarecrow glad dd Is on the mend.

Somewhere, hope your move went ok.
Re what does dh do from 10pm till4am... He sits with his friends in a filthy coffee shop, plays backgammon, and talks shit. One of the benefits of having dd is that i don't have to go anymore! !! It's painfully boring. Most people here have no work, those that do don't work much. Shops, doctors etc open from 2pm till 2am. Nothing happens before 4pm. My body clock can't adjust and nor is dd's so we currently have a quiet house most of the day (everyone sleeping) then chaos and noise while we sleep.

I have started to be a bit rude and demanding when dd needs (which include my need to eat and drink) are being overlooked.

Poor baby Rosebud, it must have been awful, hope she will be herself again quickly. Rosie, I am with you re my children's needs, I can too be very rude.
Somewhere, I too prefer most of the time to deal on my own with DCs, DS behaves much better when on my own with him. Although between 4 and 7pm, I'd rather have DH with me, which of course is never the case. Tonight has been horrible, first time I enrolled DS for after school activity, he liked it a lot but it is from 4.15 to 5.30, he had a complete meltdown on the way to the bus stop, then at home, over dinner and during bathtime, tiredness mainly, managed to put him down at 7.30pm. During all this time, Ahas been wailing too. I don't know what to do... I can't be here and there simultaneously. Can't think clearly tonight.
Waves to all.

Forgot to say, A showed me the fruit basket, took my hand and chose her fruit, she feeds herself now, at least she tries and yes there are a few misses but most of the time, the spoon goes in ! she starts saying words, watching BabyPud singing she pointed at the iPhone and said baby, also mama, ila when calling her brother... My little baby, you are growing up too quickly.

Quick hello and feeble wave. Reading but can't post much as need to get to bed in a mo. Am so glad I'm nearly at the end of the first week - 4.30am wake-up today and life seems like endless round of preparing for work, going to work and then racing home again to get to nursery in time. DP is being v v supportive - I think it's hit him hard as up until now he's had very frequent updates on how DD is and he's lost that connection. Think he feels quite sad and anxious re the new change. He came home early yesterday and went straight to the nursery and spent some time there with DD before taking her home and so got to see what life is like for her there.

Feeling a bit annoyed about job as it was sold to me as nice local job for small company, nice way to ease myself back into world of work etc. And this justified the very low pay offered. But actually the project I'm working on is just as (if not more) complex than anything I worked on in the big corporate environment I am used to, and the commute is fairly shitty, plus not nearly so much flexibility with hours. Trying not to sound ungrateful, but the only thing keeping me going is that I will only be doing this for a few months.

DD getting very used to nursery now - today and yesterday she didn't cry but instead waved me off. Tonight while I had dinner I gave her my phone for 5 mins so I could eat in peace, then found she had unlocked it and made a phone call! Looking forward to spending more time with her before she grows up completely...

BBD funny you are finding the same thing with A! Hmm maybe A should have done the photoshoot for Rosie - think it would have worked out better

Right - washing machine, shower, packed lunch, bed. Night night all

Eagle, how sweet of DP to check on baby Eagle's wellfare at nursery ! And poor you re work, I'm glad you see the bright side though, it won't last forever, baby E will grow and you will have more flexibility and mind space/peace to find something more enjoyable. Hang in there ! Re phone, yep, these little hands are very clever, I don't know how many times A called my French mobile from DH's mobile.... :) costing money to both of us.
Scarecrow, hope DD is much better so that you can enjoy the week end.
Good luck Somewhere with the move.
Rosie, did you have a good night rest despite the noise ?

Could not sleep last night, wondering if I am too pushy with DS ? I've enrolled him for Chinese class, he enjoyed it but timewise it is not great, neither for him nor A. Should I still do it ? I want to do it now because it is easier to learn languages at his age, not yet too late but just just, and Chinese is such a complex idiom. He has swimming and Chinese only on top of school.

Bbd. Ds is 5 (if i remember right) i think swimming and Chinese is fine. One is physical activity the other is something he will need. Lots of girls would do ballet and piano at 5. Learning is still fun for him.
So..... yesterday was

Rosie, hope the 2 remaining weeks will pass quickly. You can make it, I'm sure. Just think how Rosebud is happy.
Yes DS is 5 and I think 2 activities are ok, not too much for/at this age. It is just that Chinese is on Thursday from 4 to 5.30 so he is just exhausted and I wonder how much would actually get in. But he surprised me on Friday morning, on the way to school, he asked if I knew how to say in Chinese "School bag", I had no idea, then he said "shubao" which rang a bell, I checked back home and he was right. Went to see the Sat morning class today, there is a chance he can join the Sat morning class from Feb, which is better in terms of mind freshness but then we will have to run to swimming. Oh well... I will give it a try anyway.
Scarecrow, has DH left already ? Hugs to you.

Yesterday was tough. We All went to a coffee shop by the beach (will post pic) sounds lovely except for the clouds of sheesha engulfing my dd head!!! We then were going to sil for dinner. Left coffee shop at 5 ate at 11. On the way stop to fill with petrol. Leave engine running so car fills with fumes. Call me crazy for getting out with dd. Sil has been ttc for 2 years and has a full on kids room in her flat. All set for 2 children. One pink, one blue. Toys teddies and clothes all, but no baby!. It's very normal here but i found it really really freaky. And i had to sleep in there with dd (It really freaked me out) Oh and dh went out and left me there.
So many stories. ... The quality of my milk is openly discussed with everyone and at every fucking meal.
Mil is very proud to hang all dd baby clothes on the line for all the neighbours to see.
They keep throwing my baby in the air and making horrid noises in her face.
The dirt is on a WHOLE new level. (Mil house is spotlessly clean and neurotically tidy )
Mil and sil cook fabulous food. All of which is good for my milk apparently.
had a lovely walk along the harbour this morning and spent afternoon with American friend and gigi. (Who is adorable )

Rosie, sounds like there's some lovely moments mixed in with the weirdness! I will never again complain about DP's Austrian family.
BBD, I think 2 activities sounds OK, just see how it goes and as long as your DS is enjoying what he's doing, it's fine. My DS does kickboxing, and he was going to cubs as well but he's stopped that now (wasn't a very good group - Cheese evening consisted of seeing how many Babybels they could throw onto a beanbag ). He now has a Maths tutor on a Weds after school as we have the 11 plus here, but he loves it, so we'll continue as long as he likes it. That's enough for him at the moment, as he gets quite a lot of homework now in Year 5, but I'm guessing (hoping) your DS doesn't get a lot?
Eagle, so glad your first week back went well. And Somewhere, how are you doing? Must have been a terrible shock about your friend, I can't imagine. And how did the move go? Scarecrow, hope you're both feeling better.
Off to Richmond today, going to do a circular walk from the station taking in Richmond Hill & Ham House. Don't really know this area at all, so looking forward to it! Then taking Rosa for a taster session at Music Bugs tomorrow. She loves her instruments and has starting jigging around to the radio - seems particularly keen on a bit of Northern Soul and Courtney Barnett!

Rosie it's nearly Monday. When you wake up on Tuesday morning you'll be more than half way! Really feel for you.
knotty welcome to my backyard I used to live in a flat just off Richmond Hill near Roebuck pub if you noticed it. Of a summer evening we coukd sit in the benches outside the pub and watch the sub lowering over that famous view of Petersham meadows and the slow Thames..Somewhere, also thinking of you a lot after losing friend, and now see you've also had DS's birthday, and so hope he had q lovely happy day.
Eagle will be thinking if you again tomorrow, x

Another huge row. They happen EVERY day. It's not really a row just a conversation had at increasing volume and aggressive in manner It goes from normal to atomic in a nanosecond. Then is all over. They happen everywhere, in every home, street , shop taxi! I've carved out ya 'my space ' and layered down some boundaries. So I just take dd and retreat to my bed now when it starts. (My bed is in the day room which is still used as the day room and mil sleeps in here too! !!)

Note. .... The rows are other people not me and dh. He is being lovely. So am I. (He's out til 5/6 sleeps till 10 takes us out for coffee and to visit people. Sleeps from 4 till 10 eats, goes out. Why am i ok with this?) Lol

rosie I feel privileged to hear all this. It sounds like morocco - I felt constantly alarmed there, everything was so high octane. But sounds like there is a thread of love and goodness running through it all. But won't blighty feel nice when your back? East Enders, sainsbo, builders tea, twiggy winter trees lashed in the rain and all that x

This is Egypt. ...... yesterday's rows were over parking in the street. Mil has parked in the same place for 30 years. So Sees it as hers. It's not even outside the house, it's across the street where she can see it from the balcony. Someone from the building opposite has started parking there (please note mil has not had a car for over a year but bil does. This argument has been going on for weeks. So today dh paid the doorman to dig holes in the public road and put up poles to stop them. No one said a word. The doorman left a pile of concrete on the pavement when he finished. This is a fucked up place.

rosie sounds like an episode of curb your enthusiasm but without the laughs. Oh honey! Do they do childcare and help you?

I'm having a v good chat with
Mn community about some let's weight and height. She is crazy heavy and it is a thing. i think shes very dense as she doesnt look fat, more big, scaled up.

A few on the thread are trying to flame me for raising an obese baby but they can't really build up the heat cause I'm so damn reasonable. But getting some good feedback about diet.

I do think its a quirk of density couple with being large and I'm going to have to help her manage it. Swimming, long walks, will be harder for her as it was for her mil who I'm convinced has same genes. A jog in the park will be out of the question probably. She might make a good weight lifter though - she's unusually strong as she has to be, though not stron enough to crawl - YET.

Somewhere, have you seen GP or HV about baby S' weight and height ? Who qualified her obese baby, random MNers or medical experts ? Yes she is heavy but she is pretty tall too. Looking at the pic we took together, no one could tell there is a 9month gap between her and the others, which means to me that she is in the high percentile on both criteria. Some babies never crawl, A still does not, DS stood up and cruised before he crawled. I feel you are concerned, please see specialists to put to mind at rest. If there is no issue, then you can tell these MNers off. If ther is an issue, then they can give you advice and go further, it sounds to me that you are ready to do that anyway. I loved swimming when pg, the water took away the heaviness for sometime, maybe she will enjoy that too. Babies like water in general, I think.

May I creep in here as a super super ancient 40 something mum?

We have DS who was born when I was 44, and is now 2 (we adopted him), and we are applying to adopt again, a child must be at least 2 years younger than DS so will be born when I am 46 or 47 (not thinking about any further ahead than that!).

rosie I was an au pair in Greece one summer and started off not knowing any Greek, and thinking everyone was having a huge row all the time. Turns out when I learned some Greek they were just asking if whoever it was wanted a coffee and a pastry.