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Parenting

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Original poster

Three children?

23 replies

Brewster · 04/12/2013 20:15

I have two beautiful children and we are considering having a third.
My oldest is 5 my youngest nearly 2.
What is having three like?
Would you recommend it?

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

loveroflife · 04/12/2013 20:43

watching this thread as in the same predicament with a 2 year old and 6mo..my concern is financial; having to 'compromise' with three in terms of holidays, house, what we can afford and are able to give them.

also, think three under 5 would be too much for me to cope with.

cfc · 04/12/2013 20:44

You are totally outnumbered and I've heard/read that having three is the number that's pushed relationships to the limit.

I knew I wasn't done at 2. I knew I was done at 3.

Your eldest is likely to be of a helpful age/not too annoying an age, so you will be ok.

Mine are 1, 3, 4.5.

Consider the car, the holidays, school fees x 3, uni fees x 3, the never being able to go away for a night because three is far too many for anyone else to take on...and if you can make your peace with that, then go for it!

toobreathless · 04/12/2013 21:00

We are aiming for 3 or 4 I think....

But I think we are going to have a bit of a gap now, DDs currently 2.8 & 8 months.

So something like:

10, 8, 4, 2....

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

sparklestar · 04/12/2013 21:08

I watched these pages a lot when we were contemplating our third.... I knew I wanted a third but we ended up having a 4 year gap between dc2 and dc3 not through choice but I think it's worked out a lot easier as my older 2 were at school so I had all day just baby and me!

Major organising makes things run smoother and a supportive partner!

It's definitely a challenge some days and its a lot more juggling and washing than two but I wouldn't change a thing, our baby has brought is ALL so much happiness and fun. Four would totally tip me over the edge! I know I am done now!

Original poster

Brewster · 04/12/2013 21:11

yeah we don't feel done yet either but the two we have esp the oldest are quite 'high maintenance' children.
i have health issues but don't want that to dictate our future.
i imagine it would take us a while to conceive so the ages would be 6 and 3 and new baby….

OP posts:

Slippersandacuppa · 04/12/2013 21:17

Yes! My vote, anyway. It was a much easier adjustment than going from 0-1 or 1-2 for us. Starting to get hectic now with homework, after school clubs etc but totally worth it. They are 6, 4 and 2. And number 4 is due in March - be warned, they're addictive!

CreamyCooler · 04/12/2013 21:31

My 3 are older now teens and twenties and are so close. All boys and worth all the busy earlier days seeing them together.

gamerchick · 04/12/2013 21:36

I have 3. I have 4 1/2 years between 1 and 2 and just over 7 between 2 and 3 (I think can't count properly tonight) I don't think I could have done them close together. Much easier when one goes off to school so you can concentrate on the baby.

But some say they like them out of the way early.

MisForMumNotMaid · 04/12/2013 21:44

DS1 is 10, Autistic and very high maintenance, DS2 is approaching 8 and still wakes at 5am (although he stays in his room fairly quietly for 2 hours now he's older), DD is approaching 3. She slept through the night (12 hrs plus) from pretty much day 1, is very very laid back.

Had they been born in reverse, life would have been very different and we might have felt very differently about no.3.

We don't feel like a larger family, I can't imagine having only two now.

We love all of them for their individuality. You can only move forward in life so thinking of only two isn't an option for us. The more time we spend with them our love just grows.

I don't think the costs all go up proportionally. Some things do like childcare - but even there I'm sure their are deals to be done. Others like hotel room logistics are something that requires a little planning.

Original poster

Brewster · 05/12/2013 11:54

Thanks - all helped me with what i already knew - - - we want 3!!heheh

OP posts:

princesspants · 06/12/2013 20:46

I have 3, Boy, girl, boy. Now I feel sorry for DD not having a sister!!

princesscupcakemummyb · 08/12/2013 13:48

Brewster hiya i have 3

oldest dd who is 4

middle child dd who is 2 just turned

and my son who is 5 weeks

its not hard tbh and we love it

woooooooobooo · 08/12/2013 13:58

3 dds here. Twins (7) and youngest (3). 4.5 years between twins and youngest and that was a lovely gap as they were just about to start ft school when she was born so not too manic. Dd3 was a very chilled baby and slept through almost from the very beginning. She's had a few health issues which have needed a few hospital stays so I'm glad we had a decent gap and twins were old enough to understand that I wasn't abandoning them.

Also never felt that the family was complete after 2. Now after 3 it definitely is

MoonHare · 08/12/2013 14:03

We have three. 5yrs, 2yrs and 13mths.

I also knew I wasn't done at 2, tbh I'm not sure I feel I'm done now but our ages mean this is where we stop.

It's great, no. 3 is such a blessing they all get along and life is full. Most of the time managing the practicalities is no problem at all, you quickly adapt. However when it's hard I really notice how much more difficult things can be when there are 3 rather than 2.

I am a coper though and generally take things in my stride, you know whether or not you are able to keep smiling and plough on. If you're not that sort of person then more than 2 might not be the family dynamic that makes you most happy.

The whole less money for holidays and presents thing has never been a consideration for us. Having a joyous bunch of siblings is far more of a gift.

Wish we could have more.....

WorrySighWorrySigh · 08/12/2013 16:31

We have 3: 18(g), 15(b), 13(g). All very different from each other in character. It is hard work when they are small. We do find that we dont fit. Visits to parents are hard work. We lived abroad when DCs were younger so had to manage without help from grand parents.

Something you do notice is how much life costs. Now they are teenagers they eat like hungry adults. So that is catering for 5 adults. Also they wear grown-up clothes and take up grown-up amounts of space!

Now that oldest will be going off to university soon I am enjoying the time we have together before she goes. We had our last big family holiday last year. This year only youngest wanted to come with us.

Original poster

Brewster · 09/12/2013 21:01

Do you feel you dont have enough time for each child ?

OP posts:

umiaisha · 09/12/2013 21:28

I am expecting my 3rd and so am watching with interest...

alfiet · 09/12/2013 21:37

I got 4!!!!!... I have a daughter 12 and 2 stepsons that I took on full time and now have an 8 month old son.... I'm def done!!!!..house too small had to get bigger car and at 40 am struggling with the sleep deprivation and the kids drive me insane!!!... I'm not sure having more than 2 is always best its pulled my relationship to the limits and I have terrible anxiety probs and this is a normal day!!!!... Haha

WorrySighWorrySigh · 09/12/2013 21:53

As the children got older their needs changed. There is also a certain amount of things coming in waves. When they are little they need practical help but as they get older they dont need physical help instead they need intellectual and emotional help.

Oldest DD has a health problem which has only recently come to light. This has required a lot of talking through with DD as it has potential consequences for the future. At the same time she is taking A levels and applying to universities so she and I have spent some time together going to open days. Consequently a lot of our talking through of the health problem has gone on in the car.

DS has recently started to come out of his shell and develop an interest outside of home and school which could well turn into his next step after school. Together we are discussing the possibilities and what he needs to get there. In some ways the support he needs now is more guidance and explanation. He also needs reassurance as well to give him confidence.

Youngest DD is coming up to GCSE choices. At the same time she has had problems with friends at school. I have been fortunate to have older DD to talk to to help guide me through some of the friendship issues.

Something which surprised me right from the start was that in my thinking I hadnt factored in the relationships they have with each other. We had thought about our relationships with the DCs but hadnt thought about their relationships with each other. We have always fostered the philosophy of 'be nice'. This has paid dividends over the years. They look out for each other, they help each other.

Original poster

Brewster · 10/12/2013 11:31

I have 1 older brother who … well to be honest we have never really got on and now we don't talk at all and he lives in the USA. I want my kids to have few 'buddy' choices in their siblings and feel t would be nice for them to have each other when my husband and i are gone - you know

OP posts:

Procrastinating · 10/12/2013 11:40

I have three. I don't find three any more difficult than two.

The best thing about three is seeing them in their own little gang. They have very little rivalry (now aged 4, 6 and 8) and they have lots of fun together.

Hotel rooms are a problem though, family rooms are usually for 4.

Original poster

Brewster · 10/12/2013 11:42

that is what i want - them to be a little group that look out for each other and support each other.
there is 3.5 years between my two now and fingers crossed if we get pregnant new year there will be 3 year between middle kiddy and baby.

OP posts:

Nr1LadiesDefectiveAgency · 10/12/2013 11:45

we have three (8,6, nearly 4).

agree with moonhare on all esp that I also really would have loved to have another but that's really going to have to be it for us.

I felt I really came into my own as a mum by the time no.3 arrived,so really loved the newborn phase and I've so enjoyed the various 'landmark' moments of development so far.
It is hard work and actually (in our family anyway) the one who is probably a bit sidelined, is the middle one.
And yes, I think feeling like you've spent enough time with them all individually can be an issue. But such is parenting i think! I never feel like I've done enough.

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