Feeling overwhelmed by 3 year old - Suggestions needed!

[lill72]

Hi,
Love to hear your suggestions on my situation.
I am currently a SAHM with a 3 year old DD. I feel I am barely able to cope at the moment and I do not know what to do. MY DD s in nursery 2 mornings a week, about to be increased to 2 days, maybe more next Jan. At the moment, I feel I can never achieve anything as DD is so demanding. I cannot do housework without being interrupted and feel if I play with her, I am not getting housework done. We cannot be at home for long before it becomes too much so we get out, but the house is a mess.

The tantrums are getting pretty bad and I cannot cope with them. I dont now whether to cave to everything, just for the peace, but I know this is bad. Everything is a chore, getting dressed, screams to get onto a bus, wont go in pram but prefer scooter which is exhausting for me as DD is very fast and a runner/escapee. My DH is also working a 2 hour each eay commute away so he is up at 5 and back around 7.30, with a job that ends in Jan and no job at the moment to go to. I am very stressed and taking it out on my DD as I cannot cope with everything.

On top of that, I have to listen to a mum at nursery who also has a nanny everyday, even on weekends get flustered with the nanny was sick for one day - give me a break!

How do you make life easier/cope etc? thanks

Get your dd to held with the household chores. My dd2 loves helping with the hovering and emptying the washing machine/loading the tumble dryer and washing up. It does take longer but it gets done.
Are you getting out and about somewhere each day? We have quiet time after lunch watching tv which seems to prevent quite so many tantrums later in the day.

Hi, thanks for your suggestions - I will try this but must admit to getting easlily frustrated as I just want to do the job.

We do get out and about each day - I have a mothers group every week, swimming lessons, playdates, etc. we are pretty active. It is just in the morning if I want to get the house in order before we go out, it is quite impossible! Later in the day I am too tired to do it, so the cycle of mess continues.

Hi,
You sound very frustrated, and that's very natural, but let's try to take a deep breath and look at it calmly.
On the housework front, she is going to have to understand that sometimes you have things to do. So she can either participate and help (for example putting her toys away, or have a go at polishing) or she can play alone for a while. If she doesn't want to, get her to her room and let her have a tantrum while you get on with what you need doing.
I know tantrums are hard to bear, but she will get out of them eventually and if you give in it will take longer. If she starts, just let her tantrum. Don't try to explain, or negotiate. She won't be able to understand if she's already hysterical. Just disengage, really. I guess I just see it as some kind of chore to endure, which makes it bearable.
Have you considered reins for the escapism problem? It's quite understandable to want to walk or scoot at her age instead of going in the pram. And she burns more energy this way, which is good for both of you (lovely sleep...).
Secondly, it can help to have a bit of structure to your days. Decide in advance you're going to do the bathroom on Tuesday, the floors on Wednesday, etc. Tell her in the morning what is the plan, so she knows.
Thirdly, I think it's completely normal that she is better outside. My 3 yo is the same, cranky if inside too long, so you probably need to accept it and organise your day so she has access to a big outdoor space to run around.
Good luck!

On the tantrums, I really recommend the 1-2-3 Magic book -- well, not all of it maybe, but the overall approach worked very well for us. Basically you give them a countdown of 1-2-3 when they're misbehaving, if they don't stop they have a timeout for 3 minutes, then you just move on, no big deal. You stay calm, no yelling. It really takes the drama out of the whole thing and gets rid of that anxiety of 'I don't know what to do' because you have a go-to strategy all the time.

On the housework, well, surely this is what TV is for?
Half an hour in the morning lets you do a big chunk (you can rotate, one room a day or whatever) and half an hour in the evening lets you clean up the day's mess.
Put on something educational like Sesame Street to alleviate guilt
It sounds like you do loads of stuff with her, a bit of TV isn't going to rot her brain and may even give her some calming down time.

Cbeebies app on your phone should keep her occupied for twenty mins while you crack on with chores.

I have started ignoring tantrums as I felt like screaming if I tried to reason with my 3 year old.