No potty progress in months

[Rosieglow]

Hi everyone. I've started a new thread to celibrate (!) that we have been potty training for 9 weeks today and are no further forward than we got to in week 2.
My DS will do wees in the potty or toilet on request and sometimes says he needs to do them himself. But he still has accidents every day (especially at nursery). He only poos in his pants which is very frustrating.

He's 3y7m BTW. I can't decide if I started before he was ready and that's why it's taking so long or if actually I've started too late and now he's older (and cleverer) & he's playing me along.

I'd love to hear from anyone else whose still struggling to get a dry child after so long & especially from anyone who got there in the end - did it just suddenly come good or was it really gradual?

Today has been 3 wees on the potty, 3 wet pants and two pooey pants - it can't go on like this for ever can it!!
Please offer me some hope!!

Lost my rag with the poor lad today and took down the sticker chart saying it was a waste of time...now feel really guilty and will have to make it up to him tomorrow.

I think tomorrow I'm just not going to say anything about the potty at all & see what happens. It might mean endless accidents but at least I'll save myself the stress of constantly nagging him to go.

ANd I seem to have tried everything else, so here goes....

Oh Rosieglow we seem to be in the same boat. Very strong willed boys that will do things their own way when they want to.

My DS doesn't want me to look in his potty when he has used it. Whats that all about? Seems to be embaressed!? I have to linger a while and then go in, check what is in the potty and then clean it etc. He has no qualms about peeing in his pants right in front of me though..

I have also stopped the whole chart thing. The novelty has worn off although he still comes and asks for treats after doing a wee in the potty. Cheeky monkey...

Think I will ignore accidents and keep my cool tomorrow. See if that improves things. Won't be bloody easy.

Oh yes, I get the "don't look, don't look" when he's on the potty too. - & yet when he's done a poo in his pants he wants to look at it! I don't understand it...
Anyway, good luck keeping your cool tomorrow & I'll try to do likewise! Let me know how it goes.

No accidents yet today but there's plenty of time.

It will be interesting as he is at home and would normally be at playschool.

He keeps taking his shorts off. Just wants to be in pants or completely naked. Ummmm.

Fingers crossed today goes well for everyone.

I've really almost got to the point of giving up today.
My tactic for today was to leave it completely up to ds. It had got to the point last week where I was virtually constantly asking him if he needed to go (because it was often obvious he did but he would keep saying no...). The more I asked, the more he refused. So today I decided not to ask...

So, by 3pm he still hadn't wee'd...yes, that's 7 hours holding it in! Finally, he did a massive wee in the garage. Then about an hour later, it was obvious he needed to go again (sitting next to the potty for about an hour while we played, fidgeting like mad but still denying he needed to go). Then as soon as I left the room he shut the door and wee'd standing up behind it!

What can you do?! I feel I've tried everything now. I was so fed up I put him back in a pull-up and then later he went on his own to the potty and did a wee - even though he was wearing a pull-up!

This is really doing my head in. Perhaps we should leave him back in pull-ups but still try to get him to use the potty? what do you think? I know everyone says "Don't go back to nappies" but why not? what's the worse that can happen? We might have to start again, but then we're no further on than when we started anyway...

Ideas any????

Reece - how did you day go? better then mine I hope!

my ds had one wee accident yesterday then pooed by himself in the toilet! Then 2 wee accidents today. Its so frustrating. Its because i got fed up of doing negative things to make him go to the loo when he needed to (ie you can't watch tv until you have had a wee). I did tell him off because I figured it hes dry at night surely he must know when he needs to go.

When mine didn't get it in the first month we did use pull ups and contrary to everything some people (especially on here) he treated them like pants not nappies and rarely weed in then just poos that he wasn't getting anyway. It just made me feel a bit more relaxed on days out. And sometimes you need a break

Well, we definitely need a break so I think it'll be pants tomorrow morning in the garden and then pull-ups to go out in the afternoon. We haven't been shopping for ages (since he wee'd in Tesco).

RosieGlow

hi, havent read all of the chat but my son was toilet trained in february when he was 3 1/2.no hope in hell before that of getting him there.he's wait until his pants were on again and then wee rather than wee on a potty or toilet.he was he only child in his playgroup that was still in pants! i asked the playgroup to take him along when the other children went to the toilet just so that he could see roughly what they were doing and that they were wearing pants and i also took him ants shoping and let him choose some that he liked with robots on etc.after a couple of days he wanted to wee on the toilets like the other children and hated it when he wet his new special pants as he couldnt wear them anymore until theyd been washed.it only took him a couple of days to stop wetting them and we havent looked back since.he wll do it when he's ready.i tried and tried for months andeventually made it seem to him like i didnt care either way and he then decided himself tat he wanted to do it to be like all teh other boys and girls.no criticism but if he thinks its that much of a big deal to you and can see that you're upset etc when he wees it will make him nervous and more likely to fail.i gave up in the end and had the relaxed, as long as he's dry during the day before school starts it doesnt mater technique, and it worked.if he's happy then dont force him and stress yourself out.it will happen in time when he's ready.have you tried the pants idea and him seeing the other children all going along to the toilet without him? jst an idea.i know how stressful and upsetting it can be but dont worry, you're not alone, my other son was nearly 4 when he toilet trained.it doesnt matter.they all get there in the end.good luck.

ooh, that must have been embarrassing. We only have had wees outdoors in playgrounds thank goodness. Oh and swimming pools where you can't really tell. But he stepped in his poo that fell out of his pants when I was changing him so we spent ages cleaning his shoes and floor. I'm sure a puppy would be easier

i meant pants shopping!! not great with my typing!

mumandlovingit- yes, we've done the "special pants" shopping. He's got Thomas, bulldozers, ones like Daddies, boxer shorts...but the novelty has all worn off.

He goes to a day nursery where he sees all the other children use the toilet and I think he uses the toilet there OK. At least, he's down to one accident there a day (started on 7 accidents) which is better then when he's with me.

It just seems to have become a battle of wills between us. You're right that I just need to back off over it and wait for him to want to start doing it for himself. I'm just not very patient dealing with all the accidents while I wait...

Not too bad a day yesterday. DH was home so things seemed to be a bit easier. Had 1 wee accident in the garden and I took him to potty to do the rest and he had a poo accident earlier.

Rosieglow - I managed to back off yesterday (so difficult) but only because DH was here to take over with a calmer approach. (he doesn't have to deal with it every day when at work so not as monotonous for him).

I am just getting too uptight about it all and tbh have been, like you, considering giving myself a break and going back to pull-ups. I haven't done this yet but not sure how long I can hang on for. Dh says not to and that DS is doing great but he doesn't experience the stress every other day that DS and I do.

Mumandlovingit your comments are interesting. I am sooooo tempted to take the route you did and wait until he is older but unfortunately he is starting pre-school in Sept (will be 2.10) and has to be trained to attend.

Glad to hear that you had better day yesterday, Reece. I'm not sure having DH at home helps here as he goes on about it to DS even more than me - I was trying not to talk about it yesterday but it seemed DH talked twice as much.

Well, the sticker chart has gone back up. So far, one wee in the toilet (made to go before he got TV) and one poo in the pants (while I was putting DS down for a nap). I managed to stay calm about the poo - perhaps haven given up yesterday I now don't expect anything so can't get disappointed?

Anyway, I just laughed about it and DS seemed a bit confused as he was expecting me to be cross. Kept asking if I was happy or sad etc.

Still planning to go out with pullups this pm which might not do him any favours but even the thought of it is certainly helping my stress levels!

Have a good day everyone...

Rosieglow - my ds took ages to potty train. I eventually asked HV for advice as I was getting really stressed about it, and she told me not to bother with charts and rewards or anything like that, but to just completely relax about it. Do not ask your ds if he needs to go, just let him go when he is ready. Within 2 weeks ds was fine - we still have the odd accident if he is really tired but he is fantastic now!!!

Hi, have skim read the thread. Couple of things - reece, pre-schools are not allowed to stiplate that a child must be toilet trained now, as it is perfectly normal for a child to not be out of nappies at 3/3.5. They can say that they would PREFER the child to be toilet trained, but it cannot be a requirement legally!

If it helps, my ds1 took AGES to train - we tried at 2.6, and he was SO not ready and I was getting SO stressed by it all (and he was too) that we went back to nappies. Then at age 2.10 when I was getting jumpy about him being the only one of his peers in nappies we went for it. He was able to wee on demand in the potty, so I made him go every half hour and gradually increased the time between, which meant very many fewer accidents than when we'd tried before. However, it took a week away when he was 3 with some of his friends before he really got the idea.

Part of that was learning to wee standing up - as your children are a bit older, you could try that - ds1 LOVED being able to wee standing, like Daddy and his friends, and liked being able to water the flowers in the garden. We still had lots of accidents, but they were much less frequent, and he was more able to tell is when he needed to go. He's 5 now, and hasn't had an accident in ages. But pooing did take a lot longer to get right - months actually. We started asking him to try and do a poo in the toilet before bed, and after a bit (and lots of sticker charts/engines!)he got that sorted. He still does a poo every night before bed!

Dd is 2.11, and we trained her about a month ago. She got the weeing absolutely no problem - only about 2 accidents ever, so no question about her being ready. But again, pooing is difficult - we have had NO poos on toilet/potty - all in pull up in morning before getting dressed, or in pants. She always says 'next time she will do it in the toilet'. I think it just takes longer to get right.

The main thing is not to get stressed - at dd's playgroup they said they ALWAYS have a 4/4.5 year old in nappies, and as long as they're trained by the time they start reception, that's all you need. Some children just take longer than others. Good luck (and wish me luck with the dreaded poo!!!).

Not too bad today. 2 wee accidents and a poo on the lawn!!!!

We were out at a farm park this afternoon for a couple of hours and DS used the toilet whilst we were there which was great, however he is still not telling me when he needs to go so I can take him to the toilet. I always have to initiate it.

Tortoiseshell thanks for your comments. I am going to talk to the play school tomorrow. This is his last week until Sept so maybe things will improve before then anyway. Am I wishful thinking??

Yes, thanks Tortoiseshell.

DS used potty before Playschool this morning.

I am pleased with even the smallest of wees in the potty.

Keeping everything crossed that this afternoon will be better than last weeks as they were all nightmares.

Ok well yesterday afternoon was pretty much like all of last weeks afternoons. Lots of accidents and a poo in my kitchen

Then this morning he was great. Used the potty before playschool. Used toilet at playschool and since being home told me he needed a wee and went to potty alone. Then told me he needed a poo and asked me to read him stories while he sat on the potty. He changed between sitting on the potty and sitting on the toilet. Eventually he gave up and then 20 mins later he went back and did a big poo in the potty

I don't know if this has something to do with his change overnight but I gave up yesterday and put him in a pull-up and said no more big boy pants until you wee and poo in the potty again. He tore off the pull-up and wanted to be naked. I know he was thinking about what I had said. DH then came home and told me I had made a big mistake!!!! This made me cross but thats another story. I decided I would try again today.

Reece, glad to hear that you've had some progess .
My DS has had two accident free days - but he hasn't been with me! As soon as he's home again he denys he ever needs the toilet.
Oh well, he's home tomorrow so we'll see what happens.

That just goes to show that they purposely play their mummys up!

DS used potty again this morning before heading out and used toilet at playschool. When I collected him he was in the same clothes that I left him in.

Still waiting to see what happens now we are home. No potty use yet.

Well whilst I was M'ntg I smelt something and after further investigation discovered a small poo on the floor!

Just goes to show that if you take your eyes off the ball you drop it!

Well, DS started the day with a poo in the pants. Managed to bribe him on to the potty a couple of times and then another wee out in the garden.
So pretty average....
Start week eleven tomorrow. Was thinking I should celebrate when we turn 3 months....shampoo the carpets?

lol!!!! Love your 3 month celebration....

I'm into week 5 and gee my carpets are going to need cleaning pretty soon as well.

We were over at a friends house this afternoon and DS used their potty in the garden twice and was very proud of himself for doing so. He also wanted treats.

Once we were home he was exhausted and was asking to go to bed from 5.30 onwards. He had 1 wee accident in his pants but used potty before his bath.

Not a bad day in all.

Thought today was going to go well. Three wees in the potty in the morning without too much fuss. Then this pm I thought he needed a poo - he was jiggling around, desparately trying to keep something in & I spent about 20 mins telling him all the treats he could get if he went to the potty but no, he kept saying he didn't need to go (still jumping around with his legs squeezed together) until he finally ran there - but too late. The most massive wee I've seen on the floor!

Oh well, at least he was heading in the right direction....