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Original poster

No potty progress in months

57 replies

Rosieglow · 05/07/2006 22:11

Hi everyone. I've started a new thread to celibrate (!) that we have been potty training for 9 weeks today and are no further forward than we got to in week 2.
My DS will do wees in the potty or toilet on request and sometimes says he needs to do them himself. But he still has accidents every day (especially at nursery). He only poos in his pants which is very frustrating.

He's 3y7m BTW. I can't decide if I started before he was ready and that's why it's taking so long or if actually I've started too late and now he's older (and cleverer) & he's playing me along.

I'd love to hear from anyone else whose still struggling to get a dry child after so long & especially from anyone who got there in the end - did it just suddenly come good or was it really gradual?

Today has been 3 wees on the potty, 3 wet pants and two pooey pants - it can't go on like this for ever can it!!
Please offer me some hope!!

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jabberwocky · 06/07/2006 16:32

Ds took longer than average to potty train. The thing that worked for us was letting him go naked all of the time.

Original poster
Rosieglow · 07/07/2006 08:32

Thanks, I'll give that a go again. We let him run around pantless for the first week and it didn't seem to make any difference but he didn't have the poo issue then...
Had a success yesterday as he asked to use the toilet at nursery for the first time!
small steps of progress.....

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jabberwocky · 07/07/2006 17:18

Congratulations! Small steps, you know...
FWIW, ds was much slower getting the poo thing down. He would run around yelling "Put a diaper on me! I've got to go pooty!" ROFL
That went on for a few weeks. Hang in there. They all get it eventually

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Original poster
Rosieglow · 07/07/2006 20:01

Success!! DS had a poo on the potty today - first one in two weeks!
He'd sat down to do a wee and I don't think he was expecting the poo...he didn't say anything, just stayed sitting whereas normally he jumps straight up when he's barely finished his wee - I think he was hoping I wouldn't notice it!
Finger's crossed that he's decided the potty's the place after all....

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jabberwocky · 07/07/2006 21:12

Yea!

Original poster
Rosieglow · 09/07/2006 11:43

Got excited too soon on the poo success - has been back to pooing in pants for the last two days.
Can't be just my boy struggling with this, surely?
No more MNers out there pulling their hair out?...

Jabberwockey - I haven't tried no nappies again yet - we've been a bit busy with sports day etc where I don't think his bare bum would be appreciated!. Maybe tomorrow I think (if I'm feeling brave).

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jabberwocky · 09/07/2006 19:07

Have to admit, we only did naked time at home and then pullups when we went out.

Original poster
Rosieglow · 09/07/2006 20:56

How long did it take your DS in the end? I,m not trying to depress myself - just perhaps I need to be a bit more realistic and stop expecting results yet?

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alex8 · 09/07/2006 21:03

my ds has been potty training for 3 months and has only just started doing the odd poo in the toilet not in his pants. Hes much better on he wee front and even though I have to make him go to the loo sometimes, he doesn't have many wee accidents and hes dry at night.

Original poster
Rosieglow · 09/07/2006 21:09

Alex8, did you have to use bribes etc to get him to start using the toilet or did he just start choosing to?
I'm not sure if I should just say nothing and leave him to it - or keep going on about the potty until he gets the message (although I think he knows where to go perfectly well really).

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alex8 · 09/07/2006 21:19

I tended to veer wildy between the 2 so probably confused him more. I tried a star chart and chocolates to start with but gave up for a long time. I could sometimes get him in time as he does a very distinctive poo face or he goes off and is quiet.

A few weeks ago I put together a bag of treats (toys, snacks, new pants- he didn't think much of those) and went on and on about how he could get one if he did a poo in the loo. They are in a bag that he can't see inside so he probably thinks the stuff is way better than it is. He kept saying he needed to go every 5 mins (never doing anything and it got very boring) but he has had the odd hit, probably one in three poos, maybe one in two. I have no idea if this really helped or it he would have clicked a bit more anyway. But it was nice to try a new approach.

He still drives me mad on the wees claiming he doesn't need to go whilst hopping round like a lunatic. I feel I must have traumatised him badly cos I did get cross over some of the accidents (me stepping in his huge poo in a public toilet springs to mind!)

Original poster
Rosieglow · 09/07/2006 21:58

I know what you mean about the truamatising them.. my son sometimes gets upset after he's pooed his pants and if I get cross I then feel really bad. But if I don't say anything, then sometimes he say "I don't care if I poo in my pants" - yeah, but I do!

In between times he says he's going to use the potty, (he's getting stickers and when he collects enough, he gets a toy) and is really up for it but as soon as the poo actually comes he refuses to come anywhere near the potty (or have it taken to him). Sometimes, he just holds the poo in.

I don't know, just keep trying I guess.

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Reece · 09/07/2006 22:47

Not an expert but I have been training ds for 3.5 weeks and he is doing great. Fingers crossed he continues to do well. He went through a period of about 8 days where he kept pooing in his pants. I ignored it. Just used to take him to potty, take off pants, put the poo into the toilet, clean him up, get him to flush poo down the toilet, wash hands etc thats it. No comments other than occasionally "oh well it was just an accident, try to get it in potty next time".

I used stickers/chart etc but the frustration of the poo in pants thing drove me demented so I tried to think of other ways to motivate him. Serious bribery!! Sticker books, lollies,ice pops etc. I even bought a pack of 10 matchbox cars from Tesco and said he could choose one every time he managed to do his poo in the potty. It worked!!! He now hardly asks for a sticker or a treat, just goes to the potty alone and does the business. (I am prepared for more accidents but so far so good).

jabberwocky · 10/07/2006 02:08

Honestly, I can't say quite how long it took us. It was such a slow, gradual process.2 or 3 months maybe? Hang in there, he'll get there soon!

Original poster
Rosieglow · 10/07/2006 16:59

Reece - yeah, I think trying some different rewards would be a good idea. For my own motivation if anything!
He did two poos in his pants yesterday and I was really p'd off. I don't shout at him or anything but he can see I'm cross. He's started asking if I still like him so I know I've got to relax about it. I'm just finding it's something that really winds me up and I'm normally a really patient person. I think it's probably because it's so out of my control whereas most things you can influence their behaviour, even if they don't realise it.
Anyway, not poo yet today, just a big wee on the carpet.....

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Reece · 10/07/2006 17:54

Hey Rosieglow - well after all I said I have had a hit and miss day today. DS was pretty upset this morning. Didn't want to go to summer camp and had a wee accident there. Collected him dressed in his spare clothes.

Has since had 2 more wees in pants. I am baffled and annoyed but daren't let it show. Then about 20 minutes ago as he was served with his tea he suddenly said oh dear look, and there was a puddle on his chair!!! he then asked for the big toilet, not the potty so off we went and he did a really long wee on the adult toilet.

It always seems to be that as soon as you really think you've cracked it - they think hum lets annoy mummy and start wetting our pants again.

I am sure we will all look back in years to come and will laugh about all of this.

popmum · 10/07/2006 18:30

I am there (hopefully nearly out of it), has taken my DD AGES - since Nov probably to be trained and TBH she still has the odd accident. My health visitor said it is very common, esp. in girls as they just forget to go. She has only pooed herself once or twice though so I am grateful for that, but I still always need to have spare set of clothes in the car - mind you now she only has v. small accidents so i don't bother changing her.
Best thing i did was to stop caring about it and therefore completely relax and I am sure she has picked up on it that mummy doesn;t think accidents OR going on the pot/ loo is a big thing, just something everyone does all the time. So rather than make any fuss i just ignor it all.

Have been sooooo frustrated in the past few months (and have also had new baby in feb) have been cross with her so you are not alone ont hat. I have seriously considered taking her to the docs in sheer desperation, but fingers crossed I think we are there now. I have accepted she is just one of those kids who will have accidents every now and again - some days are worse than others, some days are brill - none at all. My DD does normally forget or gets anxious about where the loo is (though sometimes, conversly when i am playing with her at home it sometimes happens, think she doesnt want to interrupt the rare one on one time, poor thing!)

good luck

dewmeadow · 10/07/2006 18:45

when DD was 2.2 (and DS 3 weeks!!) she insisted on wearing pants and I thought Id go with the flow and see what happened. She mastered peeing very quickly and rarely had a mistake BUT never ever did poos, so lots of pooey pants. After 8 or 9 weeks of this I was getting very angry and it was upsetting her. So a friend told me that Gina Ford said that if either you or that child werent ready then you should stop, which, right or wrong, was what I did. I wanted to totally defuse the situation for both of us and get back to being positive. Shes still showing no sign of wanting to poo anywhere but in her nappy (2.6 now). I know shes young but theres so many people that tell me I should be doing it in the summer or shes getting too old.

this isnt much help, but I know how you feel.

Original poster
Rosieglow · 10/07/2006 21:07

thanks for your comments everyone.
dewmeadow - I have thought about stopping for a while (mainly when I'm most desparate!) but DS is 3.7 so I feel time is running out! Otherwise he'll be in nappies at school!

OP posts:
Reece · 10/07/2006 21:09

After reading all of the recent threads on potty training I think we have all been mis-led by the potty training books etc.

I don't know if you are like me but in my naievety I believed that all toddlers could be and would be totally trained within 1 or 2 weeks.

No-body tells you that it can take months or even sometimes a year.

Don't you also get fed up with people saying "oh how old is he, is he not potty trained yet?"? or "I don't think he's ready. maybe you should go back to pull-ups/nappies"!!!! No way am I turning back after the few weeks we have been through.

Original poster
Rosieglow · 10/07/2006 21:48

Reece, IKWYM. I've been made to feel at times that DS is some sort of freak. He is a big boy and I'm sure sometimes people would look at him in nappies and think he was about 5 (no offense to any 5yos in nappies!!).

Also, everyone I know potty trained at about 2yo with no problems other than the occasional accident so I wasn't prepared for this at all.

I waited and waited for him to show some "signs of readyness" - no chance! Eventually I just got too embarassed when he was the only one at his playschool his age still in nappies & the other children had started to comment on it - of, course now they just comment on that he's pooed his pants!! Not sure that's an improvement really...

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Original poster
Rosieglow · 12/07/2006 20:32

Well, about to start week 10....DS said tonight that he liked pooing in his pants and not the potty. When I asked where he'd go if he didn't have pants on, he looked at bit concerned and said that then he would have to go in the potty.
So bare bum tomorrow for sure...wish me luck!

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 12/07/2006 21:57

eeek! Yep, you have to nip that one in the bud. Have you made him responsible for er, clean-up when he poos in pants?

Journey2 · 13/07/2006 12:52

Oh I want to join this thread
Rosieglow - today is my second attempt at training our 3 yr 2 mth old.. till 15 mins time he comes out of the nappy that I put him in again after the 7th accident and the last one he then slipped up on in the kitchen!
I too have nightmares about the school entrance requirement. A friend recently told me about twins that started school half a term later than usual because they were not toilet trained.
Ok, he has just over a year left, but it's driving me crackers with the comments from other parents.
Even worse is that I have been in the process of training other children in the past (worked with children) but when it comes to mine.. it's a SLOW, none exisitent process at the moment!
It's 5 hrs into when he got up and I am weary inside and feel bad about that so soon!!

Reece · 14/07/2006 14:11

I'm going bananas at the moment. I collect DS from summer camp at 12.30 each day. He is normally in other set of clothes and then spends the afternoon weeing in his pants. He occasionally goes to the potty.

1 more week of camp and then home with me until Sept. Maybe things will settle back down again.