8 week old dropping centiles - failed at the only thing I thought I was doing right.

[SheldorAFK]

Ds was 91st centile at birth and at 4 weeks. At 8 weeks he's been weighed and has dropped to 75th centile.

I feel like a failure. Ending my children was the only thing I could do right and I've failed at that too.

He screams all day and I always put him to the breast and feeds and then claws at them. He never naps in the day either. Nighttime he sleeps 8pm-7pm and as he was gaining weight well I didn't wake him.

Obviously this has messed my supply up. What should I do? Switch to formula?

I feel like an utter failure. Trying to make a go appointment as I feel I need antidepressants as I am crying everyday and it's not getting better. I am also having panic attacks at least twice a week and they're so bad I feel like I'm dying. I've passed out from them twice as well.

Sorry not "ending" my children, that should read FEEDING my children. iPad autocorrect.

Sorry should read GP appointment not "go"

91st to 75th sounds absolutely fine. Normsl even i dont think hv would worry? Mine dropped 75th to 9th.

Don't panic, there could be lists of normal reasons for dropping a centile, they don't worry till they drop a couple. Even so , to drop two to the 50th won't be awful.

Def make that GP appt, some short term mess might help you massively.

You havnt failed at anything.

Society's expectations of new mums are too high. Many many hugs x

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Yes should add my youngest dropped from 50 to to below o.4th!

Soundd like you need some support and reassurance. Gp sounds like a good place to start.
The constant crying and feeding is also pretty normal btw.

if he stayed on the 91st in a years time or 2 years time the health visitor would be talking to you about healthy diets and wondering if maybe he is eating too much.

My dd was born above the 99th centile and has dropped to the 50th. Its absolutely fine and normal. you are doing a great job, keep feeding him, dont introduce formula unless you want to, he doesnt need it.

All babies find their ideal centile line, some sooner than others. My dd was off the chart when she was born and by 20 weeks was on the 60th centile, hv not worried, she was feeding well and now she is nearly 3 she is still tracking along the 60th centile. If your ds was hungry he would let you know, I would go and see your GP, but you are in no way a failure.

oh and I formula fed, it doesn't make a whole lot of difference!

Congratulations on having a lovely weight gaining DS.

How do you feel he looks and fills his clothes?

With percentiles in tiny babies many things can cause quite a fluctuation like being weighed at the end of a day on a full belly - due to empty themselves, as apposed to first thing after only a snack having filled a nappy.

With mythird (DD) she is petite on height but was seriously piling on the pounds. She also slept through so didn't night feed from about four weeks. I wondered whether I should stop demand feeding and restrict or even formula feed to restrict. Fortunately, I didn't drop the breast feeding and she had a growth spurt that evened things out.

Do go to your GP and talk things through, also get a second opinion on your DS's weight if its not clear in your mind te best way forward.

Screaming all day and not napping sounds like he might be chronically overtired. Have you tried rocking, sling, pushchair, carseat to get some daytime sleep? My DS was a sleep fighter and a nightmare till I figured that he needed to be forced to sleep.

The dropping a centile in weight isn't usually considered a cause for concern.

You may need antiDs. Or just a nice break. Do you get out much to toddler groups or something else that would be supportive?

Hasn't HV told you that they wander around the charts for first few months? Weight wise, DS was born 9th, soared to 50th, dropped back to 9th abruptly around 16 weeks. Stayed there until he was about 9yo. All that time he was when he was 25th %tile for height so nominally out of proportion. Then sprouted up, now taller than average.

Very naughty, obviously didn't read the books about keeping to one line for life.

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job. Is your baby doing lots of wet and dirty nappies? If so, that's a good sign that plenty is going in.

My DS was born on the 91st centile, but soon adjusted to the 50th. Some babies have to find "their" line before they can follow it. They aren't always born on the right line.

The 8 week mark generally signals another growth spurt. The constant feeding is your baby putting in an order for more milk for a bigger baby. It's relentless, it's exhausting, but it's normal.

I really recommend you seek out a breastfeeding support group in your area (NCT, BfN, La Leche League, ABM all run them). A trained supporter can have a chat to you about how you're feeding and observe a feed to check that everything is as comfortable and efficient as it can be.

A trip to the GP might be beneficial, but please be aware that a volunteer breastfeeding supporter has a minimum of 24 hours classroom training as well as constant re- trainings assessments and supervision. A GP has 20 minutes training in infant feeding - they don't even give the best advice.

Keep chatting to us. You are doing brilliantly x

You're not a failure. Some babies don't stick to the percentiles. DS1 dropped from 75th to 25th. I didn't introduce formula and he's now a tall strong healthy 7yo. I did worry about it though - it's normal to worry!

Sorry, I should have said, a trip to the GP would be beneficial for YOU - definitely go for that. Seek out peer support for the feeding bit!

You may make friends with some lovely mums at the feeding groups too - these groups kept me sane in the relentless early days.

I can't stop crying and can't stop feeling like an utter failure! Dd was born on the 75th centile and stayed there. I feel like I've let him down by nit waking him and feeding him at night.

He won't stop screaming in hysterics now and I feel like shouting at him. I've been shouting at poor dd and feel very nearly like I'm going to lose it.

I'm scared and don't know what to do.

I wish I never had another child!! He's screamed his whole short life and i chose sleep over feeding him!! I hate myself and don't want to be here anymore,I hate this so much.

OP

congratulations on the BF for 8 weeks, I only managed 5! It certainly isn't the easy option!

My DD2 dropped percentile its completely normal, screaming baby is too! If they are having plenty of wet nappies all should be all good especially since HV isn't concerned.

regarding the sleep during the day, around 8-10 weeks I noticed my dd was only having5-10 min cat naps so I had to start swaddling her to be put down at regular times. No way did I think it would work but it does. She needed putting down around every 90 mins -2 hours and I was totally missing the sleep ques. Some days are off, like today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Go see your GP and then find your local sure start for BF groups and other new mum groups for peer support.

Hang on in there x

You haven't let him down, but you sound like you're at the end of your rope.

You didn't choose sleeping - your baby did. You are responding to his needs by letting him sleep. If he was hungry and needed milk in the night, he would let you know.

My DS, who didn't sleep through the night screamed a lot, particularly in the early evening. I used to count down the minutes until DH got home from work. Sometimes I'd meet him at the railway station and hand him over early because I couldn't stand the noise. It will pass, I promise x

OP no one in there right mind would have woke a sleeping through the night baby! I certainly wouldn't, not had a full nights bloody sleep in 6 months!

Put baby in a safe place, in cot and go and have a breather. I know its so hard to do, but five mins to regroup will be ok.

You didn't choose sleep over him, he wanted sleep [flowers}

Is there any one you can call to come over?

I thought he was filling clothes well and has plenty of wet and poo nappies but I'm obviously doing so something wrong. Dd woke every 45 mins until 6 months when out of desperation we did cc. When ds sttn from 3 weeks I let him because of the hell we went through with dd but this has. Obviously caused him harm and he's screaming out of hunger.

HV said to get him weighed every week and to wake him at night for feeds.

You are doing nothing wrong. This baby is a new baby, not your DD. He's following his own pattern regarding sleep and weight.

That's the trouble with babies. Once you think you've worked out the rules, they change them x

I have no family and dh's phone has gone straight to voicemail.

I hate myself for the thoughts I'm having and always taking it out on dd by losing my patience and shouting at her. I feel like I can't breathe, am crying all the time, my stomach always hurts and I feel like MN is the only help I'm getting.

shel your doing a great job!

DD2 crying can send me over the edge, i don't think DH believed me when i told him how bad it was during the day until he had her and i could her her down the street! I thought her was going to roll off!!

That baby is not starving, i bet he is shattered from over tiredness. please don't blame your self - being a parent is one of the hardest things to do!

Is there any one you can call? whats he doing now

sorry cross post.

what time will he normally go down for the night?