8 week old dropping centiles - failed at the only thing I thought I was doing right.

[SheldorAFK]

Ds was 91st centile at birth and at 4 weeks. At 8 weeks he's been weighed and has dropped to 75th centile.

I feel like a failure. Ending my children was the only thing I could do right and I've failed at that too.

He screams all day and I always put him to the breast and feeds and then claws at them. He never naps in the day either. Nighttime he sleeps 8pm-7pm and as he was gaining weight well I didn't wake him.

Obviously this has messed my supply up. What should I do? Switch to formula?

I feel like an utter failure. Trying to make a go appointment as I feel I need antidepressants as I am crying everyday and it's not getting better. I am also having panic attacks at least twice a week and they're so bad I feel like I'm dying. I've passed out from them twice as well.

sheldar, I am a HV (not currently practising) but honestly that level of drop sounds entirely normal to me. Nearly all babies change the centile they are born on as all the birth centile shows is the level of growth in the womb where things are entirely different.

You mention lots of wet and dirty nappies too. I'd be overjoyed and say you were doing well. But I would be worried about how you are describing yourself....please please if nothing else just try and remind yourself that your are not a failure. You are a new mum and not a failure in any way. Yes to speaking to your GP for support and advice plus hang on here as there are so many knowledgable and supportive folk not his forum.

OP you might have PND or be mega tired/stressed/ hormonal - your not a bad mum. The very fact your on here worrying your self to death shows that

Please ring your GP and go speak to them about the panic and depression. Passing out from panic is actually quite rare so may need to make sure nothing else is going on there. All areas should have access to some kind of CBT is primary care and this works great for both panic and the kind of negative thoughts you're having. You can also take some antidepressants while breastfeeding - Sertraline is one that is usually recommended when breastfeeding.

As to feeding, it sounds like you're doing great, that is a small drop really. He sounds a lot like my son who started on 75th went to 91st then dropped, and dropped and dropped again. He was really unsettled and cried all day for about a month and so did I. He actually fed really well but I think all the crying burned too many of his calories. I don't know why he cried but one day it stopped and life got infinitely better. If you like/trust your HV speak to them about it. Try and find a local BF group as well.

You didn't do anything wrong by letting him sleep-I know it's hard but try to let that guilt go. He is in all probability absolutely fine, but if you get support now, you can get reassurance.

Keep posting too, the support here is great.

You are doing great by your baby. It's completely normal for weight to fluctuate between percentiles. All babies are different and won't stick to a line on a graph.

My son has dropped from 75th to 50th and HV not concerned - she said its normal and especially for breastfed babies.

The daytime crying might not be hunger, it could be wind, tiredness etc. You sound like you need some support and a little time out to regroup.

Can you get out for a walk with wee ones? Hopefully your son will sleep and become much happier baby. I can also recommend sling for naps.

Stick in there, you are doing great, just try get some support or help for you.

Sheldor you have not failed him, not at all.

I'm a peer supporter and can tell you that a drop in centiles from the 91st to the 75th is not something to worry about, if your baby is otherwise well, and growing, weeing and pooing plenty. It really is not a cause for concern in itself if all else points to a thriving baby. Your HV isn't overly concerned, is she, by the sound of things - so there's no need for you to be.

How long does he sleep at night? Could you try adding in a dream feed at 11ish?

You sound really down and anxious though and I agree with everyone else who has suggested you get some support for yourself. Do you feel able to talk about how you're feeling with your HV or GP? Or at the very least is there a peer support group near you where you could go for some moral support?

Oh my goodness you poor thing. Please do visit the gp because it sounds like you are really suffering with anxiety. But please do not worry about your little one. My dd did something soooooo similar. I struggled to fb but once I cracked it I thought we were doing so well but she dropped from 50th percentile to below the 2nd. The hv panicked me massively and we saw the gp and a paediatrician and had her weighed constantly. My dd was also sleeping through so we decided to dream feed her a big formula feed (I couldn't express enough) and the doctors really didn't seem concerned about her - they said she was just going to be little. So anyway fast forward 4 months and she's actually chubbed up beautifully. She's up at the 25th percentile and loves solids and we cut out the dream feed a little while ago.
I suffered massively with pre- and post-natal anxiety and take a low dose of medication that keeps me on a lovely even keel and able to enjoy my dd. I do so hope that you are the gp and discuss your worries and anxieties. You can get help. Sending very best wishes your way. X

Oh you poor thing! You have not failed him. In any way at all. You have to start listening to us because we're all saying the same thing. Moving up and down centiles is normal. Hell I stopped taking my baby because I couldn't stand how the HVs made me feel! Regular dirty nappies is a brilliant sign he's doing well.

God. Some HVs are nice. Some aren't. Mine made me feels so bad about sleeping for nine hours the first night home - because I assumed a hungry baby would cry - that I DID end up waking us both up in the night to feed him. There was nothing wrong with him, and there's nothing wrong with your baby. I know that feeling, I really do...my toes used to curl in shame over it. He took ages to gain weight in accordance to their charts and scales but you know what? Look at the baby, not the scales. How is your baby? You know him best.

I don't believe in weekly weighing. It's too micro. Too much to see any real trends. Please just listen to us, and post in the Feeding section because you'll get more awesome advice, and just be nice to yourself. You sound so stressed and tired, poor love :(

For the past week he's. Even chewing his fists...I thought that was a developmental thing but now I fear it's out of hunger.

jake thank you for the reassurance but I'm not a new mum I have a toddler which adds to the guilt. I feel I should know better instead I ignored his pleas of hunger.

I feel myself hyperventilating amd I do t know how to stop it.

Look my DD was formula fed from day 2 and dropped from 90th to below 50th. I drove myself demented, woke her more frequently at night to feed (which in hindsight was nuts as she was a terrible sleeper!) and she would just eat less!!
My DS has also dropped but I'm in a different country now and they are happy that he pees and poos regularly and is alert and developing normally. I've stressed myself out feeding him more and he just won't take it.
Honestly OP, he would wake and cry if he was hungry as he would have energy from the non stop feeding during the day.
Please go easy on yourself. I think my babies were overfed in the womb (thanks to Ben and jerrys!) and just had to find their own size afterwards.

Oh my fella is chewing his fists non stop since about the same age and I too worried it was hunger but it wasn't, it is just them finding their hands x

My Dd also chewed her fists constantly. People used to comment that she must be teething but she didn't get her first teeth till 8 months. She wasn't hungry, just a fist chewer instead of thumb sucker.

As well as seeing the GP for you, it might be worth getting DS checked for silent reflux, which could be the cause of all the screaming. I second the sling suggestion, hopefully keep DS calmer so you can potter around doing other things with him still next to you.

If you're concerned that DS not feeding at night is affecting your milk supply you could express once in the night, then someone else could use that to do one of the day feeds for you to give you a break.

You are most definitely not a failure! Look after yourself, get rest when you can, accept all offers of help and get to the GP (when the receptionist asks you qualify for an emergency appointment - this can't wait til next week) x

Yup hand chewing is a developmental thing.

Phone the NHS or la Leche league Breastfeeding helpline.

Make an appointment with your GP in the morning.

Hugs

OP your 8 wk baby sleeps 11 hours at night?
I think you should read the sleep deprivation thread and feel very very smug.
Congratulations

Think back to your first memory. Chances are, you were at least 3. Most of us worry, fret and muddle our way through the early years. The good news is that your kids won't remember or hold a grudge.

Also op have you googled 'purple crying' - there is a theory which says lots of babies just cry lots for no real reason at all in the first few months of their life. Apparently it's a developmental thing. My DS did it and it (literally) drove me mad (PND here). Ultimately if you have tried feedin him, winding him, changing his nappy and getting him to sleep (rock, sling, dummy, swaddle, buggy, car - whatever works). I you have tried all of these things and he is STILL crying, maybe he is just having a cry an you can't do anything about it?? Hold him, comfort him and wait for it to pass. If he is still gaining weight (no matter how slowly and ignore the centile lines) has wet and pooey nappies it's unlikely you are getting the feeding wrong.

The good news is 'purple crying' usually ends by around 3 - 4 months. This will pass.

Ps weeks 8-10 are prime 'purple crying' peak time. Also there is apparently a developmental leap at around 8 weeks old which can make babies very cry-y and clingy. I remember week 8 being a real horror show with DS. Have you read the Wonder Weeks website?? Again, google it: it suggests that babies go through a number of development leaps in the first couple of year of their lives where they get very needy, teary, demanding etc etc. usually if I am feeling like "oh god I can't do this any more" and DS is being a screechy nightmare, I check the website and he is usually slap bang in the middle of one of these developmental leaps xx

Pps I formula fed from 12 days old and DS dropped from the 91st centile at birth to the 75th centile where he has been ever since (now 10mo). No one has ever raised any concerns about his weight.

As others have said if he was still on the 91st line at 18 months two years you would get scowled at.

Relax your doing fine and don't get him weighed for at least two preferably three weeks. You know he's healthy.

And RELAX I mean it, stress buggers up your milk supply. I can't be bothered to DD2s adventures with the sodding graph, but believe me, stress and BF don't go together.

Lister to the wise MNers, babies aren't necessarily born on the line they belong on.

Both mine were born on the 9th DD1(15) is on the 75 (no way am I weighing her)

DD2 after many adventures falling off the graph completely, was on 50% by one and has never deviated, at 12 she is exactly 12y size.

Sorry should have proofed, a bit of dyslexic word losing, but you get the idea.

Stop worrying and yes it is parents job to worry, but sometimes it doesn't help

bears my dd would wake every 45 mins until 6 months old. I am not smug. I am fully aware of what sleep deprivation is. Even now while ds is sleeping she will wake once at 2am and the nd or the day at 5am. So it's hardly me having a wonderful full nights kip. Especially now as I feel him sleeping through the night has caused him to go hungry. Please do not add to my guilt.

Do you know what length centile your DS is on? Length is hard to measure accurately, so isn't generally done, but unless your DS is a long baby, you wouldn't particularly expect him to be on 91st centile for weight.

Here is some good information about babies moving through the centiles in the first few weeks.

My DD was born about the 50%, but is now between 75% and 91% for both weight and height. We are confident that she should be there as DH is tall as is DD now. I think my DD was a little undernourished before she was born as she was so late, which explains why she wasn't born on the centile she belonged to.

Are you/your DH particularly tall? As your DD is a 75%er, it would be reasonable to expect your DS to be about the same. He probably just has to find his centile and will then stay on it.

One of my friend's DD was over 10lb. My friend is 5'2" and her DH is probably no more than 5'6". Her DD must have fallen through the centiles as she is now a good few inches shorter than my DD but perfectly in proportion.

breathe 99th centile for length.

Yes we're both tall btw - dh over 6ft 5 and me over 5ft 10.

OP I ask this kindly...are you able to let any of what we're saying sink in? There is a multitude of experience here, all saying the same thing, hoping to reassure you.

You are not failing him, you have no need to feel guilty, he's not chewing his hands out of hunger, you're doing such a great job. Read through the Feeding section, check out the Wonder Weeks site - they also have a great app - and know that your DS is doing what a billion other babies do. Your stress is only going to hurt you. It's ok. You're ok. You're doing a great, great job. His weight will even out. I don't even believe in the bastard centiles! Look at your baby - you know him. Does he cry actual tears? Does he wet nappies? Does he poo? If so, those are all indications of a well fed baby. Look at the baby, not the scales. Sometimes these bloody guidelines and charts and percentages mess up a perfectly normal, healthy feeding relationship.