Hi
Please help. I know that this will sound stupid, but I'm worried that I'm neglecting my DD. She is 6 next month. I'm a ft student in my final year, and single Mum. Last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD because of my neglectful parents and serious sexual abuse in my childhood. I'm having counselling- which is helping loads. But I'm struggling, because there's always so much to do. I live in a council flat where everything is falling apart, needs redecorating etc. It really is a tip, no matter how much I tidy, cook, clean and iron I always feel a huge weight every time I come home. I have spent since 9amtoday tidying stripping beds, vacuuming, mopping floors, polishing and everything, but it's still a tip. My DD never listens to me when I say tidy up, gets everything out and has drawn on the furniture, which I made her clean. So much needs replacing and I just can't afford to, because I'm always overdrawn.
I still have laundry and ironing to do- there's always so much, and my DD needs her uniform doing. No doubt I will be up until 1am doing it. I feel as though I don't understand anything at uni, and that I'm just really, really stupid. There are other Mums on my course (joined this year) and I am always comparing myself to them thinking how much they love their kids more, and have lovey houses, even though I've never been. Most of them are married, and I feel like a failure because I couldn't keep my relationship together. No one even sits next to me in class because I am such a bitch.
My DD always has greasy hair, and no matter what I do, its always a mess. I bath her every day, wash it every other, but I just give up on it. She never looks well looked after, no matter how much I try. I struggle to even buy her shoes, and haven't even got her any winter clothes yet. I bought a coat and boots, but that's it. She's in ft childcare because my third year is so important, and that has been hard to afford. I had to do it because I nearly cracked up last year, it was too much juggling around and my flashbacks got really bad. I'm applying for some help from the uni fund, as soon as I get time to do the form. She doesn't do any after school clubs, or get invited to birthday parties. The mums from school had a night out, and didn't even bother to invite me. I just feel like such a failure. I can't do anything right for her.