Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. Come and join the 40+ mums plus babies, toddlers etc in the snug where tea, cake and sympathy are being served.

[somewherebecomingrain]

We are 40+ mummies sharing all the highs and lows of our autumn crocus babies. Also sharing tips and information (most crying is tiredness!) and jokes. Please join us!

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely
It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.

PS this thread title was created by eagleray, and she also found the quotes.

oh MrsC, poor you. That is a lot to handle. Remind me how old toddler is? Messy play in bath or shower tray? Give random things to.clean in warm soapy water at sink? Make your own Library in a different place in flat and you can "take out" and read books (mommy's bed a good place if alll else fails...) Cutting with kid friendly scissors (my dd will cut for half an hour ).... or do a chore like sorting our your drawers (apologies if yours are less chaotic than mine ).

my favourite simple cake recipe is take as many eggs as you have/can spare and add equal weight (usu 15g per egg I think??) in each of butter, flour and sugar, pkys a pinch of baking powder. Mix. Bake.

oh and I'm.making this up but you could decorate plain biscuits like digestives or whatever using icing sugar and water (with or without colour) and then add hundreds and thousands, choc flakes, sweets, even raisins or if desperate pictures which can be taken off before eating. For toddler "effect" you could "dry bake" in oven on min setting.

Hope you have fun. Or rain stops and relatives recover.

pudding for better sleep.

Thanks Scarecrow
I love your suggestions for MrsC.

MrsC, welcome back. Life has a habit of getting in my way too. I've dropped off and returned a few times - always welcomed back

Brilliant ideas Scarecrow - am especially loving the 'toddler effect' baking

Reminds me of when my nephew was being assessed for autism as a toddler. A lady visited the house and did various activities with him, one of which was playing at baking and she suggested using the stereo as an oven. DN was so it was quite clear what the diagnosis was going to be (there were lots of other signs too)

further things I have learned:

• even when you tell dh when to feed and sleep a baby he has a brain utterly unable to process or retain the information;
• this is possibly because he doesn't put anybody's needs before his own,
• and/or because he thinks all u have done for the last six months is to wait until my baby cries and put a tit in his mouth
• meanwhile I lone childcare involves having another adult to pass a child to whenever you need to shower, eat, piss, look after the other child, make a phone call....I mean why didn't I do this myself....oh, wait...

tbc. no doubt

oh, and if you need to go to Halfords you give the baby to another person and say "I'm going to Halfords"

ladies, I think we have made a real meal of this baby parenting thing. I realise now it is actually not that hard

Oh scarecrow. I don't know whether to laugh or cry on your behalf. I particularly liked the 'wait til they cry and stick a tit in their mouth'
They really have no idea do they!?
I take it you're not getting a day off in reality?
And in order I think xx

Poor you scarecrow - IME, the only way to get a proper break is to have DP/DC leave the house completely (or leave yourself) and then the occasional text to ensure the basics have been done. Is there anywhere you can escape to?

Oh dear scarecrow. .. looks like your day off is going like my night off last night . If my dh EVER says dd wakes him up i swear I'll punch him. Huge failure due to dh not waking up and me leaving it to long to before going to her resulting in a baby awake from 3.i had to do midnight feed too. Grrr. I swear it was easier on my own.
Oh and apparently cleaning the car out is now a pink
job and I'm expected to do it and while I'm there can i do the inside of the windows! ! Wtf.

Mrs C i have a tiny 1 bed flat too but rosebud only little still. Love the messy play in bath one scarecrow

Eagle my dh will not be left alone with dd at all. This week's dummy and bottle is all because he will HAVE tolook aafter her when I'm in court..... For 15 min hearing! !!!
.

somewhere baby Cycle was 5 months last week, but I think I can get a couple more weeks out of the moses basket and the 0-3 month clothes.

scarecrow, I reckon eagle is right, the only way to get a break is to send them out or go out yourself. I keep hoping that Mr Camper will take baby camper out so I can have a sleep (or do some house work) but a combination of asthma and pain mean that he's exhausted so needs a sleep more than me. He's randomly grumpy from the steroids which doesn't help.

Rosie shame you didn't get your sleep. Thank goodness it is only a short period of their lives! (Although my husband keeps telling me that the 17 year old didn't sleep through until he was 8 , but he has asbergers, so fingers crossed that we don't have to deal with that again! )

scarecrow amazing toddler advice, you should write a book!

Sympathies re Dh. I remember leaving ds with dp and dp reporting 'he got really upset and was clawing at my chest. I just didn't know what to do. Eventually he fell asleep.'

'Did you feed him the bottle and /purée I left.'

[evasive, in manner that manages to plant lingering doubts about the significance of this] 'er... no'

And that sympathy extends to cycle and rosie and eagke.

cycle I hope your dp's collarbone is getting better and you get some time to yourself. Are the steroids for the collarbone? How are you sleeping?

eagle I saw your poor exhausted Dh picture - he put so much of himself into the organisation huh, he must have been emotionally drained. Love the zebra dress!

I've been having evaporated milk cravings. Am giving baby some a bottle in the evening as I just feel she is so hungry. It's really cute seeing her face as she drinks.

I should be either sleeping or organizing DS birthday party. Instead I am loading pics on desktop from iPad, iPhone and camera.... and reading MN and FB ! very naughty

Hope sick babies are doing better. Sending sleep dust to all of us. Will try to catch up tomorrow but you have been all so chatty !!!!!!!!

That ended badly T screaming with huge bruise on head, dd in bedroom sobbing (don't ask), virtually no supper eaten by kids, and DH cross with me because I asked him to get put of bed at 5.15pm and at least help with the rest of bath and bed time.

Honestly how can he be so graceless that at the end of the day I was feeling cross?? DH's response ten days ago when I was crying with exhaustion, illness and despair at my feeble parenting skills and lack of any meaningful support was "you need to lighten up".

I suspect he deserves a lot more credit for today than I'm giving, but you can perhaps see why he's on a back foot....

God I feel like an ungracious, whinge bag. Apologies: this is my outlet.

Better go to bed and prepare for another night of nightmares, constipation, rolling over, coughing, feeding, leaking nappy....

I will try and be more cheerful tomorrow. And perhaps revive idea of marriage counselling....

Ok music.

Love all these stories about music. Want to listen to them all - fairy tale lullaby, the John Lennon song, all of them.

My song for ds was sugababes soul sound.

It has these lovely lyrics that are all about that moment of heightened consciousness in youth where you feel your whole life ahead of you, full of possibilities.

'Theres magic in the air
I want to breathe
Change, change all around
Go with the rhythm...'

It came out when I was in my late 20s if not older.

I remember listening to it when my sister was pregnant (first of us to have a baby) and it dawned on me that this moment was one that had gone for me but there was a new generation coming along to inherit it.

When I got my bfp I thought of the Soul Sound lyrics 'who would believe/what's happening to me'. Who would f-ing believe little old me was going to have a baby! It was like a final moment of girlishness and girl-to-woman vertigo.

Also in a simple sense I was creating a new soul.

Ayway, I played the song to ds in the womb. When he came out of hospital and slept in the Moses basket the first night, he woke up crying in terror. He was inconsolable and I remember sitting on the stairs, desperate. Just that wellshaft into raw humanity that a newborn presents. I sang a bit of soul sound and he suddenly gathered himself together, got organised, met my eye, and stopped crying (didn't go back to sleep, natch).

It never happened again and he gets quite uncomfortable if i sing ANYTHING now.

The other music thing is that baby some is at that stage where she grabs everything. As you walk with her you see these pudgy hands roaming, trying to connect with everything and anything - knives, glass candlesticks, dirty rubbish, expensive toiletries, paperwork. They wave about in this hungry way.

I remember exactly the same thing with ds and just as I did then I hear in my head the depeche mode lyrics:

The grabbing hands/ grab all they can.

Disembodied grabbing hands, an entity in their own right. Kinda sums it up

Oh scarecrow!!!! Vent away please.

bbd I know what you mean about MN being so naughty. Going to fb now to check out your pics!

John Lennon's Nobody Told Me (the correct title!)

Less about the whole lyrics, more the moment and refrain. Though the line "They're starving back in China/So eat up what you've got" makes me chuckle as that's the sort of thing my mum actually said to us as kids. Perhaps that's another Fab 40s Mums uniting memory? Though I think Africa might have done for China in our household.

This time Feist seems to have been a bit of a soundtrack to T's early months. If you don't know her try I Feel it All

Scarecrow please do vent away. You've been such a help to me... It's amazing how men just don't 'get' it at all. Even the good ones. I know it's hard to know what's good enough and what's taking the piss sometimes but something Rosie said the other day comes back to me about being really clear in your expectations but not to expect more than they can give. And I don't think (most) men have a fraction of what we give... Now I've got my head around that I'm finding it easier to work around DHs shortcomings.

Today DH went sailing while I cleaned the house and looked after DD. Friends with 2 toddlers came around and DH put her in her jungle gym when she needed sleep. But. After they'd gone he took dd out for a walk in the sling with the dog so I could sleep for an hour and later rocked her to sleep (while I cooked). This clearly isn't 50:50 parenting which was our weekend plans but it's a huge step forward and it's enough for me to be happy this weekend.

Not sure if that helps... If not here's a

Somewhere, love your post about music, and Rosa definitely has "grabbing hands" . Scarecrow, I love Feist! Hope you had a better night. And I totally understand where you're coming from with your DH. I was helping DS with homework on Sat so asked DP to do Rosa's lunch. I told him what to do (chop a bit of veg, sweat it for a few mins to soften, then add the egg to scramble it). He's constantly asking "how much mushroom, how big do I chop it, what board do I use...." whilst I'm trying to concentrate with DS then he just puts the raw veg in the beaten egg (sounds very minor when I write it down!) But it meant Rosa couldn't eat it, with only 2 teeth, so he starts straining it through the tea strainer and control freak me found it very hard to shut up and let him get on with it, with Rosa screaming as she was so hungry and he was taking so long. Then yesterday, he got her up from her nap (we were going out to see my parents) so I asked him to get her dressed, even gave him dress/tights/vest etc., and he starts trying to put in all on her over her babygro! It does drive me slightly mad - he pulls his weight but accuses me of talking to him like a child yet he can't use his own initiative or follow simple instructions which he asks for. Sorry, rant over .
BBD, your photos are lovely .

Again lots going on, now both here and FB! I can't keep up - I might have to get BG to do some of the posting, he has a real obsession with my phone.
Eagle sounds like a wonderful day in the end, and babyEagle looks so happy and alert in her new dress. And your poor DH... Juggling so many things at once, I imagine!!
Scarecrow I shall remember your rainy day suggestions for the not too distant future. Although we are still at the age where helping with housework is the best thing EVER - takes me ten times longer to do anything naturally, but still quicker than not doing it at all. (Oh, and when making spaghetti bolognese, discovering that all the carrots had been carefully nibbled around the top, that was a defining moment!) I absolutely get where you are coming from re DH. I have a wonderful and amazing man who is a wonderful and amazing dad, but he often JUST DOESN'T GET IT. Ahem. Excuse me. Especially doesn't get the idea that babies come with their own time zone. And oh yes, the handing over of the baby when errands need running, or chores need doing! Argh.
Oh, music...

I played bodhran for the first trimester, but had to stop as I ran out of room on my lap! But when I played it again after BG was born, he stopped dead and watched intently. This happened several times. I am sure that hearing kicks in earlier than they say.
BG's tune is Schubert's e flat impromptu. I played it a lot through pregnancy, and it still calms him down when he hears it. He also heard a lot of Blackmore's Night, and when he first came home and was so tiny I didn't know what to do with him, we used to dance around the living room. He still loves dancing and if I put on upbeat music, he was jive away, laughing and waving his hands in invitation to join in.
His lullabies are Morningyown Ride and Britten folksings, although I don't know how much longer I can sing him songs about forsaken love!!!!
Right. Nearly at work. Will stop rambling. Have a lovely day everyone

scarecrow there's one thing you're definitely not ..a whingebag. I'm so sorry that your well deserved restful day didn't turn out as planned. I also find that when things start going pear shaped in the house, it just descends into chaos. T with bruise, no supper, DD on tears. FWIW I think you're an amazing mum. I'm really disappointed that DH had to be persuaded to get out of,bed to hhelp with bed and bathtime. I'm definitely of the opinion that the only way partners get to know what it's really about is to leave the house and let them get on with it for a couple of hours. Realise this is easier said than done though.

One thing I do always find though, that whenever you have a nightmare day, the following day is generally lovely . Hope this is the same for you.

somewhere loving the music!

BTW loving all the photos. What wonderful gorgeous children we've produced. Lovely to see them all.

DS went from 1 till 6 last night without eating, though there were numerous wake ups between 4 and 6. Can only hope that if he's not being rewarded with milk maybe he won't wake not sure I'll hold my breath on that one!

goat own time zone - going to borrow that phrase.

knicky agree the getting out of bed bit sounded especially out of order.

scarecrow on a lighter note most peculiar mama! I listened, what a perfect song. It certainly was, I remember the same moment when you put down the bags and sit with your baby in you rhome and its so surreal.

Also Loved the feist track. I've sort of opted out of music and listen to really obvious stuff - hardly dare say its so mor - goat im sure it would be especially shocking to you - but maybe you mumsnet people are going to broaden my horizons.

knotty tried to listen to fairy tale lullaby several times back when you posted the link but it wouldn't play on YouTube.

I think we should get all the songs together with links. Poss on fb as I don't know if you can get a cut and paste link list on MN.

Anyway I will explore that at some point.

MN so much fun at the mo.

Ok now back to reality - tidying the flat, posting stuff to eBay, making blw recipes for dd (she's eating rather a lot of toast at the mo).

Morning all - the house is very quiet as DD just been dropped off at nursery! Going to try and enjoy myself a bit this morning as last couple of weeks have been all about racing through lists of tasks.

DD was rather odd last night - normally fast asleep by 8pm, but after feeding to sleep she pinged wide awake as soon as she was put in her cot. DP and I took it in turns for a while to sit with her, but then gave up and brought her downstairs. We ended up slumped in armchairs finishing the last of the naming day prosecco while she sat on the floor and madly, furiously sorted through her toys. No overtiredness, no crying, just intense concentration and lots of activity. Then I took her back up just before midnight, fed her again and she passed out until 7.30am this morning!

Scarecrow sorry yesterday didn't work out so well, and please vent away! How did the night go? Hope it wasn't too awful.

Somewhere totally get the disembodied grabbing hands! I also reckoned Baby Eagleray's mouth was an entity in its own right in the early days as often she'd be seemingly asleep but the mouth was constantly wanting to feed and would be chomping away on an invisible boob.

It's wonderful seeing all the pics on FB. And I got quite excited when a new member appeared this morning!

Re the pic of poor, tired DP - we were planning a toast to DD and I had tried to leave that to DP as I wanted him to take responsibility for just one thing. After the ceremony, people started demolishing the buffet but no drinks had been put out so chivvied DP along to get glasses out, bottles opened etc. Then he does the toast ("to DD", basically), then says to everyone "Eagleray would now like to say a few words", and so everyone turns around to look at me and I'm utterly put on the spot! So thank everyone for coming etc etc - but bloody hell, what a shit thing to do. He redeemed himself slightly by then thanking me for organising everything and also acknowledged that he had done very little. Then he later said it was only a joke saying that I was going to do a speech. How bloody hilarious

Don't get me started about dressing babies - left DP briefly to get DD ready for bed then returned to find he had put her in a summer romper suit, plus some dubious nappy ensemble (had called out to him to use one of her night nappies which was hung up in the hallway drying, but no..) Anyway, romper suit sopping wet with pee this morning...

Love hearing the music stories (and I love Feist too) but feel terribly guilty that I didn't really have time to play DD any music before she was born. Aside from the endless Fisher Price tunes these days, we occasionally have a dance in the kitchen to Radio 6 - must do this more often...

See if this link works www.last.fm/music/John+Martyn/_/Fairy+Tale+Lullaby Somewhere

We're finally on the move. .. and only an hour later than I hoped and well within the travel window i hoped for. Should arrive at tonight's resting place around 4! Inshalla.
Scarecrow. . 50/50 parenting currently my expectations are 90/10 Max!! Having gone from 99/1 during
Pg to 95/5 at new born. ... i don't believe parenting can be 50/50 till they get to about 10 (years not months! !)
Even then i really believe children need there mothers more. Ready for flaming but For me... accepting that at a basis genetic level it is primarily a mothers role to care for her young. (Unless you're a seahorse or penguin) gives me strength and let's me thank dh for his'help' when it happens to give. (This is NOT always easy in fog of tiredness but i try to keep it in mind) i also have to REALLY watch my tongue as i can be quick to criticise and slow to thank. It's amazing how much more dh does if i say thank you A LOT.

Typing from car so please excuse typos and ramblings... right of to rr read this morning's posts

Oh loving the music stuff... will schedule time when i get back to listen. . Also have some links to share