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Original poster

Can I give her back?

143 replies

CleanAllTheThings · 11/09/2013 21:08

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

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Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 12/09/2013 16:12

The nurse was rubbish this morning but spoke to my gp and she has given me a prescription for tablets too.

They have suggested getting the tongue tie snipped, just have to wait for an appointment. She must be wearing herself out trying to get enough milk. She has all the classic symptoms like lip blister and clicking during feeds. My latch is totally fine.

OP posts:
poppingin1 · 12/09/2013 16:17

Oh your OP takes me back.

Some babies are just like this, I know my DD was!

It will pass, just try not to focus on it and relax in a comfy chair somewhere with the remote and something you are craving that isn't necessarily the healthiest option.

poppingin1 · 12/09/2013 16:23

Just read on and saw your post about the tongue tie. No experience of tongue tie but hope it is sorted soon.

I remember using my sling daily, it was a life saver. I also bought a swinging chair and it was the only thing DD would sleep in other than when she was attached to me. I slept sitting up with her on my chest till she was 3 months and then lying down with her on my chest till she was 6 months.

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monstergoose · 12/09/2013 17:44

My dd had a TT which we has snipped at about 2wks. It was absolutely fine, she was asleep right up until he did it, just stirred when he snipped it and then went back to asleep again! Feeding was so much better afterwards, much less painful for me and she fed more effectively. It did take a few days after it was snipped to start getting better tho ago don't expect an immediate improvement.

Good luck with it x

1944girl · 12/09/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 12/09/2013 18:09

Her bottom is really red and sore so I think she might need thrush cream for it. The gp left me a prescription for a tablet and lansinoh for some reason. Will have to ring them again tomorrow.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 12/09/2013 18:19

Try the dummy. An hour or so of peaceful sleep for both of you is going to do no harm. She may not take it though but it might be a bit of a life saver.
Also agree with others, an occasional bottle will not matter! I would feed her this evening until you are fed up then try topping her up and see if she will settle. I mixed fed very successfully with both of mine. First one for 8 weeks til she refused the bottle and second one for 8 months til she refused the bottle! They are both breastfed til after their first birthday.
Also have you tried white noise and swaddling? Both these saved my life for my DC. Miracle blankets are your friend.
Try not to feel guilty, just do the things you need to do to make life a bit happier for all of you.

pinkbear82 · 12/09/2013 21:01

I hear lots of people swear by Ewan the dream sheep - might be worth a try to help settle

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 12/09/2013 21:15

Oh wow, at least you know what's going on now. That sounds very sortable too!

You sound much happier. Still watch yourself though. Anxiety and wanting to get away could be an indicator. Hope it's not though, just be aware of yourself. (Am speaking from bitter and sad experience)

Yeay for the sling and dummy! And SLEEEEEEEEP!

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 12/09/2013 21:21

Will keep checking myself. Hopefully just normal new mum stuff. I was on ADs for years but stopped when I found out I was pregnant and have been fine throughout. Pregnancy was good for my mental health! Don't fancy going down that road again.

My nipples are starting to feel really irritated. Yay.

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ThisIsBULLSHIT · 12/09/2013 21:29

Sad oh poo, did you get your tablets? Hope it clears up soon.

Maybe pregnancy kind of got rid of it then! I was the opposite, it caused it! Grrrr. All gone now though!

Good luck and keep trucking, honestly it will gradually get better and as long as you sleep when your baby sleeps you will survive. One day you will just notice that it feels better! Hurry up that day!

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 12/09/2013 22:16

Just one tablet. The leaflet from the bf practitioner says i should have a high dose followed by further tablets for 10 days, plus topical nipple treatment and baby's treatment. Going to get on at the gp in the morning as this is the last thing we need! I keep reading this can get really bad and go on for months.

And thank you :)

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lifesobeautiful · 12/09/2013 23:36

Haven't read through all the posts, but I can see you've got lots of support from lovely mums. I just wanted to add my tiny bit (without wishing to infuriate anti-formula mums...) but I felt like this to, and I eventually gave my DS a bottle on Day 12 after an agonising 10 days of breastfeeding.

He latched on to that bottle like there was no tomorrow and was a totally different and calmer baby instantly... Breastfeeding is wonderful if it works for you, but personally I think your sanity and happiness - if it's at stake - is more important. And that happiness is passed onto your baby. I've bottle fed both my babies (and I would have LOVED to breastfeed) and they have both been perfectly healthy - and in fact my first has had far less illnesses than his two close friends who were breastfed till they were 1.

If you continue feeling like this, don't dismiss formula. And don't feel guilty. Good luck, it does get so much better I promise you! I felt this way too and I worship my two little ones!

lifesobeautiful · 12/09/2013 23:38

Superstitiousness just kicked in...they have been perfectly healthy up till now touch wood! Sorry...

IceBeing · 13/09/2013 09:28

clean I hope you are still feeling positive today!

I think thrush usually hangs around because it is so poorly diagnosed. If you get straight on the treatment it should be fine.

I hope the tongue tie appointment comes soon, and I am so happy to see you got some help and support from a BF cafe!

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 13/09/2013 10:01

We are going back to see gp at lunch time! My nipples went white and uncomfortable in the night. Yay.

I was so impressed with the bf cafe, everyone was so supportive and I want to try to go back on my own next week as oh is back at work on Monday (terrifying).

Today I feel...ok. Still all feels a bit much when I hear her starting to wake and snuffle for a feed but we are getting 2-3 hrs rest in between at the moment. Have even managed successful transfer to her bed by waiting until she is properly asleep, swaddling half way through a feed and putting hot water bottle in to warm mattress up.

I'm nearly 30 but still keep feeling freaked out at the responsibility of it all and that this is permanent!

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GingerDoodle · 13/09/2013 10:03

Im not sure if anyone has said this but - if you find you don't want to continue breast feeding there is nothing wrong with that choice!

IceBeing · 13/09/2013 10:16

ginger you can read the thread if you want to find out what other people have said....

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 13/09/2013 10:19

That last post was a bit of a lie. I keep feeling that I don't want her. I don't know if I love her. I don't like it when she is upset but I don't want to deal with it.

OP posts:
IceBeing · 13/09/2013 10:20

clean I think I almost developed a phobia of hearing DD snuffle in a 'I am about to wake up' way..

But 2-3hrs gap is starting to sound more promising...establishing a bit of a cycle of a deeper feed then a bigger gap is definitely an encouraging sign!

It is so very odd that babies need to learn how to sleep...but they do and it sounds like yours is starting (fingers crossed) to get the hang!

I hope the GP visit goes well!

IceBeing · 13/09/2013 10:23

Oh clean that is okay you know...it really is. You don't know her yet...you don't understand her, so really why should you be able to love her yet?

Don't panic and don't feel like you are in the wrong. Not everyone's reaction to being landed with a life form whose only method of communication is to yell at you is flat out unconditional joy and happiness!

Don't answer if you don't want (obvs) but did you have a hard birth (aren't they all?) or pregnancy?

IceBeing · 13/09/2013 10:32

Okay now I feel like I am bombarding you and probably projecting as well.

But, actually your DD isn't really upset! She is crying because she has a want/need and she can't communicate any other way.

I found having a baby so hard because I HATE confrontation...I mean how bad would a situation be in normal non-baby life if someone had resorted to actually screaming crying and yelling at you?

I found it really hard not to feel the same way I would if an adult screamed at me...

So now my toddler says 'moooore fooooood' when she is hungry and it is so much easier to bear than crying....but that is all the cry is...try and HEAR it as a simple request for food/nappy/comfort/winding rather than an expression of distress....

Original poster
CleanAllTheThings · 13/09/2013 10:33

The birth was harder than I expected. My contractions stopped during pushing and she got distressed so had hormone drip after being threatened with spinal and having her pulled out in theatre. Then I had a big bleed so couldn't hold her for a while, she was only on my chest until placenta came out quickly and then taken off me while they stabilised me and then stitched and cleaned me up. Spent the next 12 hrs hooked up to monitors and cannulas, stuck in bed and couldn't hold her because I was so uncomfortable, stressed and spaced out from blood loss. It was horrible.

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MrsRoss26 · 13/09/2013 10:43

Clean I have been reading and thinking I've been / am in the same place as you. My lo is 7wks old and I have had the baby blues, struggling with her growth spurts, her being a Velcro baby, bfing...

It's been getting better since I've learned to interpret some of her crying, we've got the hang of bfing, and her sleep pattern had emerged. But we still haven't bonded, I feel guilty all the time and being at home alone with her all day is HARD.

You mentioned white nipples: I have this. After reading I think it'd something called Reynauds - may be something worth looking up before your doc app so you can ask specifically about that? I find covering my nipples asap after a feed helps, and trying to keep them warm generally.

It will get better. But in the meantime keep talking, that helps more than anything else!

MrsRoss26 · 13/09/2013 10:45

Oops, meant to add, I had a similar birth experience, with pre-eclampsia too, so that definitely has had an impact on my health.