Can I give her back?

[CleanAllTheThings]

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

She's not using you as a dummy , a dummy is a synthetic nipple after all. She's doing what she needs to in order to feel secure and up your milk supply.

That's the cold, hard fact of the matter.

However!

God it's hard and soul destroying. Neither of mine took to a dummy, I'd have given anything for them to have done though! Excellent advice on here already, so just to underline what's already been said:

You're doing everything right.
It will pass very soon
Dummy
Rest
Lots of fluids
Go with the flow.

Good luck x

you are going great. you seem to be doing everything right even if it doesn't seem like it atm. keep at it... keep away from ff if you have an instinct they don't need it, same with dummies. I do support getting Dh or someone else taking through baby for a walk after a feed (this is CRUCIAL) OUT OF THE HOUSE so you can have a shower and a snooze and possibl y watch a little telly. if you are anything like me, if you can hear the baby you won't rest. you will feel better and this shall pass. Big hugs.

ps if you do decide to give ff, fair play. I myself did after 6 days(well done you) and wish I'd have combo fed til my supply ran out. the relief was immense though that was another story. xxx

Congratulations on your beautiful baby :-)

Have you considered bottle feeding if breastfeeding isn't working out?Despite what many people will tell you, there really is no long term issue with this, provided your baby is healthy and happy. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

God I remember those dark days/nights!! And I'm still going through it in a way. I found it hard to feed lying down, but then I used a nipple shield and that really helped him to latch on. Got rid of the shield once we got the hang of it, but it saved my sanity once I could feed lying down!
Mine is using me as dummy too, but I don't mind it so much. If you need to use a dummy or ff just do it to get you through these moments. In the grand scheme of things it's not a bad thing if it gives you a break. I did both during the early months and it helped me to ebf in the end and have me some rest.
Good luck with it all.....I swear it will soon pass and you will have a different baby you won't want to give back!! :)

Nothing to add other than been there, done that, got 2 t shirts!

The thing I've learnt about babies is that there's no point trying to understand them. They make no sense. There is no rhyme and reason to their 'behaviour' other than they think you are them and they are you therefore when they discover you're not there its a bit like waking up and discovering your arms have gone walkabout! Thing is you need to function too so sometimes you need to sleep / wash / just have a break from being constantly on demand.

With dc2 I found it all so overwhelming sometimes, I just wanted a bit of space both physically and mentally. It's exhausting. It does get easier though but I remember reading similar and thinking 'it might not for us' but it will.

Also remember babies are babies for a short time even though every sleep deprived minute feels like hours. They change so quickly, one day you will just realise that actually he's getting easier and you're getting more confident and its all just slotting into place a bit better.

Congratulations on your dd, my own dd is 3 this month and whilst she's adorable and lovely and fun and perfect sometimes I long for her early days so I could just look at her and touch her fingers so they grasp mine and just be her whole universe again.

First time mum to a 14 wk old little milk monster girl here. Bf as well. I did introduce a dummy around the 2 week mark and it helped loads - a) it gave my nipples a rest and b) dd was comforted and fed better as a result of not constantly getting little bits.
It didn't affect my flow at all - still produce a fantastic amount and dd happy.

Not sure if already mentioned but try infacol, lifesaver with helping to ease wind, saved me pulling out at least half my hair.

Around 3 weeks I started expressing and using the odd bottle here and there, reassured me she was getting enough.

You are doing fantastic, I can't recommend anything other than matchsticks for the lack of sleep, oddly you do get used to it. Don't feel disheartened. If you want to pm me feel free, I'm no expert, but I did find as frustrating as it can be, knowing others were/have been through similar a bit of help.

Ahh yes that first growth spurt...brutal but thankfully short lived!

If you can limp through the next day or so then you may well be cruising by the end of the week.

Their tummies grow so fast!

I hope you have gotten a bit of sleep and are feeling a little better.

I think my week old DS has just hit the growth spurt. Seems like he's fed every hour at least for the past 12 hours. Soooooo tired!!!

Is just going with it the best plan? No dummies yet, still worried about getting nipple confusion.

Not sure why he needed a growth spurt as he was already over 4 kilos. Meh!!!!

lovemyfamily that's why im reluctant to stop bf because she will still want to be with her mum all the time.

We got a couple of hours sleep and she's just fed for the last hour. Waiting for her to be properly out of it now.

I woke up in a panic convinced she was in bed with me but couldn't find her. She was of course asleep next to me in the Moses basket. It was really weird.

boosiehs sounds like we just have to go with it!

Ds is 6 weeks and was exactly the same. He fed constantly and didn't sleep for any more than an hour. He's now feeding having been asleep for 5 hours! At 10 days I was close to falling apart but it gets so much easier as they get older. I found things improved at 2 weeks then weekly.

The constant feeding early on has given me a god supply do it is wort it!

I still wake up in those panics now!

clean congratulations on your little one. I've nothing to add to the bf advice except to reiterate that it does get better! Promise!

On the losing her in the bed panic, that happened to me twice, one of them when she was about 10 days and I'd retreated to the spare room for a while between feeds. It's terrifying but also stops! Mx

Stupid phone....

May the force be with you for the next little while! In a couple of weeks you won't know yourself! It'll all be very different.

Clean I have had that exact dream!

My DS was like this and I always thought that with number 2 I would get some kind of sling so I am not glued to the sofa the entire time. I'm sure people on here will be able to give you recommendations.

I don't know why no one warns you about the day 10 growth spurt, I only found out because I had my first at the same time as my sister had her 4th (all breast fed) and I rang her in tears. She's reminded me for my next 2!
It really does get better!!!!

Sometimes I think that, in their eagerness to promote breastfeeding, health professionals don't warn you how damn tough it can be. Then it hits you like freight train and you think you must be doing it wrong. You're doing fine and it will get better.
In the meantime, the occassional bottle of formula if you are really struggling and you think your baby is over-hungry wont do any harm. DS was exclusively bf apart from two or three bottles of formula in the very early days when I was shattered and my supply has been fine since. Also, if you feel she is sucking for comfort rather than for food (and as you get to know her better you'll notice the difference in suck) then a dummy is fine. It was a lifesaver with DS, didn't affect my supply and he weaned himself off it at six months. A dummy should never be used to mask hunger, but a lot of babies like to suck for comfort and if she sucks on you continually it will just make you sore. With a dummy, you can then snuggle up with her in a position that allows you to rest. And if you're rested that will help your supply more than her continually sucking and exhausting you.
And if it all gets too much, switching to formula is not the end of the world. Who's to say a formula-fed baby with a happy relaxed mum isn't better off than a bf one with a stressed, exhausted mum? (Although if you can keep going, it gets so much easier and is then really convenient for you as we'll as being good for your baby)

I can sympathise, it's very hard when they won't be put down and you can't get a break. However, at 10 days she's still establishing your milk supply so I would try to hold back on formula if you can.

Can you visit a breastfeeding group and get her latch checked? Maybe it just needs a little adjustment?

A stretchy wrap like a Moby is also very useful.

It will get better I promise:-)

Aw, you sound a bit less desperate - lovely .

Here's hoping for a good day for you.

No one warned me about the constant feeding, bf team just said feeds should be 5-30 mins and not longer than 40mns all the time. Her feeds are usually way longer.

She slept for 3 hrs this morning!! Heaven.

I now think she has caught thrush from me so we are off to docs shortly.

Make sure you get proper thrush treatment - I take it you mean you have thrush at your nipples/breast?? Or vaginally?

Here is a good info leaflet from the Breastfeeding Network re thrush and BFing and appropriate treatment (a lot of GPs don't know about this), but it is important that other causes of sore nipples are ruled out as they are more common.

Do you have pain on latching and then it goes, or does the pain continue as the feed goes on? The latter would be more suggestive of thrush.

I think every new mum should be told bf takes ages and you may well be on the sofa feeding all day so you should invest in a few good box set of dvds and a moby wrap for dh to take the baby so you can sleep. Its really hard to bf but every time she is on think about the milk she is getting and that it will help her grow.

You are doing a great job xx

It's vaginal thrush. Been prescribed Nystan for baby and advised to ask my midwife to have a look at me as I had an episiotomy. My nipples seem fine but dd definitely has it on her tongue.

Feel really anxious in my chest today. Not sure if this is normal. I'm not tearful, wasn't last night either. Think I'm worrying about what is to come later. Feel a bit like I want to get away.

Gave her a dummy in the car as we had to rush out for nurse app and it did keep her calm. Didnt like seeing it on her little face though.

Meant to say thanks for that info, will have a look now.

Still to convinced she is getting enough milk.

We went to the bf cafe and they have diagnosed tongue tie! So relieved to know there is something. Feel like a weight has been lifted. They also showed me how to use the sling and she is cosied up asleep and I have BOTH HANDS FREE. Amazing.

Glad to hear you've got somewhere and have had some help CleanAll. What have they suggested for the tongue tie?

Enjoy!

Yeah to slings !!

And hope you get the TT fixed soon.

I was under the impression that there is little point in treating one of you and not the other for thrush? May be wrong... Any experts?