Feeling crap and guilty.

[teacher123]

I have a lovely DS, almost 17mo. I am back at work, have been since Easter (although i obviously had the summer holidays off as I'm a teacher.) I only work three days a week and one of those he is with grandma or daddy, the other two with a childminder. The problem is drop offs-my god he cries, it's awful and heartbreaking. But she assures me (with photos to prove it!) that he's playing with his toys within 2 minutes of me leaving and he has a lovely time. He likes her and her children and runs away from us at pick up time to carry on playing. The thing is that I always do drop offs and DH always does pick ups, so he gets happy jolly 'I'm going home DS' and I get 'YOU'RE LEAVING ME' howling and I just feel awful, and anxious that it's going to damage our relationship. Is this normal?

Completely normal and it will improve. Your CM would speak to you if she were concerned that he wasn't settling after you left, but he is and is enjoying himself.
Please don't feel guilty, you are doing nothing wrong and your relationship won't be damaged.
I know it's awful and distressing at the moment but things will get better!!!

Aw, thank you ! I'm just sick of being the bad guy-always saying 'no' to everything and then dropping him off in the mornings is just soul destroying. It's also hard as I love my job so feel guilty for enjoying it when I get there!

Awh don't feel guilty, it's completely normal!!

Dd2 14mo used to cry (and still does occasionally) when I drop her off at nursery. So DH would do the drop off and she was less upset. Sometimes it's a mummy thing, they get upset at mummy leaving more than daddy.

It will get better though, and they do (and your CM can verify this) have a ball once we're gone. And playing with other kids is such a lovely distraction for them. He'll be fine!

If possible treat yourself to doing the odd pick up though!!

Well this morning I got up and completely ready (including breakfast etc) before I got DS up and it meant I could focus on him before work and it made a big difference (although getting up at 5.45 was pretty painful!) this morning when I left him with the cm he shouted, but wasn't actually crying. I also managed to get away from work on time so got home in time for tea which was nice :-)

My little man screamed everytime I dropped him off for about 4 months. Then suddenly something changed and he started cheering about going to nursery and running in.
Collecting him is no bed of roses. he's often tired and cries (I think because he 'remembers' he's missed me during the day) so don't worry that he is loving DH for picking him up!

Hang on in there and hopefully it'll get better.
k

It's completely normal and utterly soul destroying, believe me I still have the psychological scars! One of the nice carers at ds1's creche made me wait after one particularly harrowing drop-off, so that I could sneakily peek through the playroom window and watch him morph from wailing sobbing child to happy playful child within two minutes. It did take a few months of crying at drop-off I'm afraid before it stopped completely and he ran in happily. But then he only went one day a week at first, increased to 3 days a week over time. He is now 4.9yo and just started Reception. He is a happy, confident and affectionate little boy - no damage to our relationship! Yours will be just fine, but I do sympathise with the initial traumatic drop-offs - they will get better!