For those of you that have husbands / partners who work long hours ...

[muminaquandary]

How do you organise your time & how much help / childcare do you have?

Did you have extra help with newborns?

Do you budget for it or just regard it as part of life's daily expenses?

DH has always worked long hours but this has definitely increased in the last year. I am due to have no 2 at the end of August and am beginning to panic ... as I am faced with the prospect of minimal help / presence from him, as even when he is at home, he has loads of work to do / conference calls etc.

My mum and stepdad live abroad, mil would rather die than help out, my sister has 4 kids of her own, and my mates work alot too, and no other family.

What's it called???? (thinks a little)...homestart? - aren't they available to help in this sort of scenario waterfalls?

Not sure, I think only if you have 3 or more under 5, but might be worth checking.

Poor you, waterfalls. Can the dt's go to nursery when they are three? if so, only another six months.

can't believe your mil won't help out at least so you can get your hair cut. can your dh persuade her to step in once in a way? I expect you have already tried all this though, but I feel for you.

I would have to pay for it, they are not due to start pre school til Sept next year

poppadum
Mil is terrified of looking after them, she panicks even if they just run too fast, she has agreed a coulple of times to babysit but mysteriously fallen ill on the day.

Oh dear, I don't know what to suggest. Wine, perhaps, lots of it. It will help the year pass faster! Also Cbeebies and fast food.

Its not too bad, in a routine now, just gets a bit tedious sometimes, ds is suspected of AS too, but only mildly, so he can be a handfull.

Waterfalls, you only have to have one under-5 to qualify for Homestart so might be worth getting your HV to refer you. That hour a week is a godsend to me-it's the only time I am ever alone!

Have been busy being off-line feeling sorry for myself as DS hasn't got into local school we wanted . SO back to drawing board as no school in village ... Spent most of morning in tears then thought I'd call my friend in London who has 1 DS of 20 months, DTs of 8 weeks & was amazed at how together she sounded. Then she said that they had maternity nurse & nanny and I felt inexplicably sorry for myself again & had to ring off so I could cry again - pathetic!!!

DH away most of this week & next, Mum will come for 24 hours next wk. DH also unlikely to take 2 wks paternity leave as his team is launching new thingy in September & he really wants to be involved. He has been teasing me saying that I will install an adult version of safety gate so he can't leave the house when I have the baby ... thing is, I have no problem with him wanting to work hard, do well (I remember that feeling too ...) & have never been phased by kids. I am always the person to go to stay with relatives etc when they have a new arrival & muck in ... I thinkit MUST be the hormones. I am sure that I am not normally this pathetique. >sigh

Floating - thanks for the concern, but TBH it is a legal thing as much as anything else - he is in finance and is part of the overseeing team for the launch of this new financial product. For regulatory reasons they all need to be there while the money is invested and all sign off on it. The date for the launch has been in the diary for a year now, whereas I have only been pg 30 weeks .... it is just poor / good timing that his career has really taken off this year, but that means long long hours. I think it helps that we were in the same industry before so I know how impossible anything with legal implications is to re-arrange.

He is also being v supportive emotionally, if not around a lot ...

I am feeling a lot better today after all my crying yesterday. Must have done the trick for the moment, cross fingers!!

have a great mum who does my ironing weekly, does school runs when she can and generally trys to take one/two of my three boys for fun trips out whenever she can so that i can do some housework ... other than that down to mee to muddle through (DH works a lot)

Dp works away 5 days a week, is knackered at weekends and I have no help
Am seriously considering a cleaner
DD 3.5 does go to nursery for 3 2 hr morning sessions a week but I relieve my burnout then

Aw poor you. My DH works away for days at a time too. Occasionally he works from home, which sounds ok in theory, but it just means he works even longer hours - hacking away at emails and shouting on the phone from 6am till 11pm. He is just another body I have to feed and clean around. Then I have to keep everything quiet while he has an hour's conference call or something (small house so DH spreads work out on dining table).

Nightmare when kids were tiny.

I still get angry when remember when DD was born. He stayed with me through 26 hours of labour. DD was born at 7.30am. His boss (at that time) rang him at 9am to ask why he had cancelled a business appointment 200 miles away in liverpool, with the words 'surely your wife can manage to give birth without you present'!

Sorry - that was a bit of a rant, but my head still goes fuzzy and teeth grind with anger when I think about it. Grrrr.

themoon66 - My DH brought work into the delivery room for DS1. He put it away when it was time to actually deliver DS1. With DD, he actually went into the office (a mile or so from chambers) and I called him when I was about 6cm dilated. He spent a couple of hours in the delivery room and then went back to work! at his boss though.

My Dh is in the army so either works horrendous hours or is away for weeks on end - I have a routine and stick to it whether he is here or not. Actually find somethings easier when he is away - far less time spent cooking, cleaning and generally tidying up...

moon66 and mrs darcy what are they like??!! in the delivery room!!?? I went catatonic during labour so someone who could understand my sign language was indispensable ... took them an hour to get them to sign consent forms for epidural even though I was dying for one because I just couldn't communicate!!

anyway, felt really good yesterday as DH had agreed to a doula for a few hours pw when newborn arrives, and he was back at 8 last night, but then spoilt it all by being really ratty with me at bedtime because I hadn't unpacked from his business trip during the week ... then I just cried and cried for about an hour ... and he of course felt really guilty and said he was just being tired and snappy etc etc. Fact is, long hoours are hard for him too but he doesn;'t seem to engage his brain someimes before he has a go at me for not doing something ... when not pg I normally just tell him to snap out of it & behave like an adult but I am just not firing on all cylinders at the mo ....

Qmab yes it is easier when they are awaysometimes, and in fact I find it hardest the first day he is back becos I am looking fwd to a break ... and of course he is too, so our expectations are a bit askew, IYKWIM

TOTALLY agree with that

Indeed-y. I think I need 3 sets of routines: me, me & DS, me & DH when first back (which ideally would include a bottle of freshly chilled something or other ..)

Indeed-y. I think I need 3 sets of routines: me, me & DS, me & DH when first back (which ideally would include a bottle of freshly chilled something or other ..)