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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

For those of you that have husbands / partners who work long hours ...

76 replies

muminaquandary · 19/06/2006 18:11

How do you organise your time & how much help / childcare do you have?

Did you have extra help with newborns?

Do you budget for it or just regard it as part of life's daily expenses?

DH has always worked long hours but this has definitely increased in the last year. I am due to have no 2 at the end of August and am beginning to panic ... as I am faced with the prospect of minimal help / presence from him, as even when he is at home, he has loads of work to do / conference calls etc.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

psychomum5 · 19/06/2006 19:51

Thankyou too to muminaquandry. feel all humble:)

Yafta · 19/06/2006 20:27

You are right, MIQ, that lots of us do not have much help, if any. My dh works away most weeks and I manage on an informal network of friends.

However I am sure that most of us would agree that having 2nd & subsequent babies is bloody hard. Don't feel bad about being able to afford some help. Get as much of it as you can afford!!

FloatingOnTheMed · 19/06/2006 20:50

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glassofwine · 19/06/2006 21:17

I had three children in three years. When the third was born we got an au pair - we couldn't afford it, but decided the debt to the bank was worth it. It really was, ok I had a particularly close gap between DD2 and DS1 ie. 11 months, but if you can afford to make life a little easier I say do it. Happy parents make happy kids. My DH is away a lot, great when he's here.

psychomum5 · 19/06/2006 21:25

Floating....yes they are. Call any college doing child care courses and they are often crying out for families for 'work experience' for the trainees. All girls are well vetted before they start on any course and are also police checked (well, they were in my day which was back in 1989) and I can't see it being any different now. More so probably in todays current climate!!

In fact...one of my best friends who lives in trowbridge had a 'nanny' when she had her twins 2yrs ago. in fact, as she had twins, she had 2 for three days a week each, meaning that for one day she had two girls:)!(IYSWIM) all free

Mine were free too...I just paid them when they babysat in the evenings.

If you ring now tho, you may have to wait, as of course it is exam season, altho there may be some just newly qualified and looking for work too:).

HTH

kitegirl · 19/06/2006 21:57

Hi, my husband works in the City and is out of the door by 6.15am and usually not back before 7pm, and travels a lot. I do feel like I am a single parent during the week, especially when all my SAHM friends have their husbands at home in time to do bath & story time while they relax on the sofa with a glass of wine... I have a cleaner once a week and my son has now started nursery 2 days a week as we prepare for the arrival of baby no 2 in August. I did feel guilty about getting help as I see this as my job, but decided to hell with it - I am a better mum as a result! If you can get help, get help. And of course you'll cope, us women always do!

handlemecarefully · 19/06/2006 22:00

I have a cleaner twice per week (6 hrs total) and a Mothers help twice per week for 4 hours in total. Would go insane otherwise.

Oh, and I'm over reliant on tv for the children...

Original poster

muminaquandary · 20/06/2006 08:27

So is spending money that we ought to be saving for our old age / university tuition fees / etc a good thing if it saves your sanity?

We have already decided that we won't take any far flung holidays for a while, if at all & that our social life is likely to be £0.00 per annum ....

OP posts:

Original poster

muminaquandary · 20/06/2006 08:29

kitegirl - sounds v familiar
handle - do your kids react well to having 2 different people in the house helping?
psycho - for some reason they don't do it at the local college anymore ... not sure why, I rang them yesterday and they said they had stopped family placements, and only did work-based ones

OP posts:

PetitFilou1 · 20/06/2006 13:14

I have a cleaner. Ds is in nursery three days a week (19 month gap between my two). My father in law comes over on Fridays for a couple of hours. And.... I go out as much as possible with them. Plus my dh is RAF and I live near lots of other wives so seeing them takes the pressure off sometimes except my star of a neighbour has just moved

Highlander · 20/06/2006 14:20

I have no help with childcare or housework or shopping or gardening. I did all that and wrote up my PhD. I was never bitter. OK, last bit is bollocks

Last time (and this time) I insisted on DH taking at least 4 weeks off work. When #2 arrives, I am getting a cleaner - YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 18:56

Yes they do Muminayquandry...they get unfeasibly excited whenever either the cleaner of the mothers help shows up - which says a lot for how they regard me!!!

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 18:57

And I didn't use local college to get my mother's help - I put an ad in the village Post Office window instead

Cod · 20/06/2006 19:03

think its normal to panic though when going f rom one to two

poppadum · 20/06/2006 19:10

Oh sod the university fees, old age pension etc etc and just get some paid help, mumin a quandary. I am in the same boat as you, except I have no friends or family nearby to help either. I have a cleaner and a babysitter. Frankly, without them, my kids would have no hope of living till university age.

I don't understand the "guilt" everyone's talking about here. I presume your husband has secretaries, colleagues and PA's to help him, and the weekends off too. Why shouldn't you have some help?

foxinsocks · 20/06/2006 19:17

is he getting his 2 weeks paternity leave when no. 2 is born?

if your eldest is in nursery a bit and you have a cleaner, you'll be fine. Although it seems scary now, it all falls into place (eventually).

I told friends of mine that the first year of number 2 is often a blur (we both have husbands who are away a lot). She didn't believe me but had number 2 and bumped into me the other day and said how she didn't know where the last 6 months had gone! Your time will pass so quickly and you'll be busy but I'm sure you'll be fine!

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 19:24

poppadum

I'm enjoying your posts today.....

Cod · 20/06/2006 19:24

oi you hmc

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 19:26

Oi you cod!

Cod · 20/06/2006 19:26

look there a thread wiht oyu rname on it you nobbo

waterfalls · 20/06/2006 19:26

I have 3 children, ds age 5, and dts age 2.5, my husband works around 70 hours a week, I get no childcare help (dts are not in nursery) I have no-one to help out even for an hour or 2 accasionally, I cant even for example get my hair cut unless dh takes an afternoon off, I also work a couple of evenings a night, (the only evenings dh does'nt work) I cant drive, so cant go far, I do all the housework and cooking.

RANT OVER

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 19:28

Found it turd features

handlemecarefully · 20/06/2006 19:29

Can you afford a bit of paid help waterfalls?

Cod · 20/06/2006 19:29

waterfalls havd you no mates oyu can do a sawap with>

waterfalls · 20/06/2006 19:29

lol, noooooooooooooo, not a chance

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