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Parenting

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Original poster

A question of teaching them a lesson?? Suggestions needed

72 replies

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:07

DS3 who is 9 lost his gameboy last year. So he learnt his lesson and didn't have one.

Last week he borrowed (with permission) his sisters gameboy. He was doing a concert and there would be loads of travel and hanging around. He lost this one too!!! New...brand new

So what do we do???

at 80 quid he cannot pay for it. If we took the money out of his account he wouldnot notice it as he never gets to use that money. We could suggest he pays 10 pounds towards it but that woud mean 10 weeks without pocket money..seems a vastly drawn out punishment....

dh is off to Malaysia next week and may well buy dd another gameboy. Of course we ban him all use of it.

Any other suggestions??

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BudaBabe · 13/06/2006 09:09

Give him some chores to do that will help him "earn" some money to pay towards his sister's new Gameboy?

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:12

the problem with that is he is a chorister so he is at school 750 - 615 Monday to Friday as well as weekends.

I guess he could do some after prep on a Saturday morning

OP posts:

Freckle · 13/06/2006 09:13

Does he have any items he could sell? Particularly if they are things he really likes as he will then appreciate what it is to lose something you treasure. How does his sister feel about it??

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Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:14

his sister is fine, she just gets on with it.

sell..hmm? possibly

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Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:16

crap grammar in the title.

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Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:17

Confiscate all his toys and make him earn them back one by one?

Heathcliffscathy · 13/06/2006 09:18

god call me total soft touch, but.....he lost it by accident??? so not too big a punishment???? no intention to harm and all that....

i know they need to learn the value of posessions, but hey, posessions not that valuable kind of thing??? he should do something really nice for his sister, more of a positive thing to make up for losing her gameboy? is there something she loves to do that he feels too grown up for? maybe he could do that with her....

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 13/06/2006 09:19

I think I'd go for the no pocket money thing really as he has no time to "earn" the money. It is a long time, but I think its hard to teach certain children about responsibilities towards stuff (- especially other people's). DS2 is like this so I fully expect to be asking the same sort of question in a few years.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 13/06/2006 09:21

We're extremes sophable :o I don't know, I don't mind things getting broken through stupidity- that happens, but that kind of gormless losing of stuff (which ds2 does), just drives me insane. DH is still like it - aged 35 so I guess that's why it drives me extra mad. Perhaps don't listen to me beety- its too much of a bugbear to me.

oliveoil · 13/06/2006 09:21

Some people just have a habit of losing things though and it may just be that he was distracted with his concert etc.

So to punish for something that just 'is' may be a bit mean?

I think you should ask sister what she wants to happen to him. Slave for the week, making her snacks etc?

I am completely crap at discipline however and crumble at the first pout and watery eye so feel free to ignore me.

oliveoil · 13/06/2006 09:23

Greensleeves · 13/06/2006 09:23

I agree with sophable. Seeing his sister get a new game boy and not being allowed to play with it is punishment enough at his age IMO. I wouldn't want my children to learn to attach such huge importance to material goods -

I would focus on the fact that he didn't respect something that belonged to his sister, and the upset he's caused to her, rather than the cost of the gameboy itself.

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:24

Soph, he has to learn that money does not grow on trees. That we work hard to buy them things that they need. We are talking 160 quid if you count both gameboys.

Doing something for his sister is a nice idea though

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Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:26

My DS is just like this. For me it's a question of him developing a sense of responsibility. But tbh I'm flummoxed by it. I guess the issue is how much does responsibility = good memory and is it fair to penalise someone with a bad memory by equating bad memory with no sense of responsibility?

harpsichordcarrier · 13/06/2006 09:28

hmmmmm I agree with sophable too. I reckon something like a big apology to sister (clean her room, take over her chores?) and leave it at that.
it's only a gameboy after all. I suspect he probably can't help just losing shit. me too

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:28

When I told ds1 that if he did not bring his 'lost' trainers back form school along with his 'lost' jumper he woudld be paying for them..they materialised. He just kept forgetting tolook. he was very busy and it was the last thing on his agenda...so I think we can train childrens and adults memories.

It is disrespectful to not take care of yor sisters new toy surely and you need to learn that

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Marina · 13/06/2006 09:28

Chores a great idea IMO. Nothing like a bit of hard labour to make boys realise when they have crossed the line. Ds is a bit like that Far Side cartoon about what dogs hear when they are being lectured, "bla bla bla bla ds bla bla bla bla dinner". Ours is on litter-picking to make up for losing his watch.

Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:28

I also don't see anything wrong with him learning the value of money. Not so much that the stuff is worth anything, but that with that money, you can buy other stuff and you have to decide where you will prioritise your budgets. Learning that you can buy 50 lightsabres for one gameboy is quite a useful lesson (someone's going to tell me I've got that totally wrong now and I'm sure I have but can't be arsed to do the maths!)

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:29

at it is only a gameboy.

the price of that gameboy is a weeks food for a family of 4

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Freckle · 13/06/2006 09:30

Just to add salt to the wound, could dh not buy sis a better gameboy? Such as a Nintendo DS or suchlike. Now that really would be a punishment.

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:31

yes that really would frekcle. especiallly if it was a psp!!!

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Heathcliffscathy · 13/06/2006 09:31

i would come down on ds like a ton of bricks if he hit or hurt or teased his sister (not that he has one :(...) and yes he needs to understand that you work hard to get him things...and i guess now he doesn't have a gameboy and neither is he going to be able to borrow one....but i just have a thing that i don't want ds to freak out about breaking or losing things...they really are just things....whereas people and their feelings are vitally important....so i'd definitely focus on how his sister feels about it and how you feel about it as you work so hard, rather than the gameboy itself....

this attitude drives dh (who puts a great deal of store by things, but less so since being with me :) ) nuts though.

Marina · 13/06/2006 09:31

Caligula, I do agree about innate forgetfulness but definitely that memories can be trained. Ds knows every flaming monster's name and provenance from Doctor Who since 1962 thanks to a nerdy book we got him...so he should be up to remembering he had a HAT on his HEAD that morning
Rather like dh not understanding the difference between waistbands and legholes on little girl's pants but knowing exactly which fly to use to catch carp...

Heathcliffscathy · 13/06/2006 09:32

beetroot, exactly: it's only money....

harpsichordcarrier · 13/06/2006 09:33

yes I know that beetroot, sorry I expressed myself badly what I mean is it's only STUFF you know. I mean, to be brutally honest, if you knew he was likely to lose it then I wouldn't have let him take it unless you could afford to let it go.

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