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Parenting

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Original poster

A question of teaching them a lesson?? Suggestions needed

72 replies

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:07

DS3 who is 9 lost his gameboy last year. So he learnt his lesson and didn't have one.

Last week he borrowed (with permission) his sisters gameboy. He was doing a concert and there would be loads of travel and hanging around. He lost this one too!!! New...brand new

So what do we do???

at 80 quid he cannot pay for it. If we took the money out of his account he wouldnot notice it as he never gets to use that money. We could suggest he pays 10 pounds towards it but that woud mean 10 weeks without pocket money..seems a vastly drawn out punishment....

dh is off to Malaysia next week and may well buy dd another gameboy. Of course we ban him all use of it.

Any other suggestions??

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

puff · 13/06/2006 09:33

I think the no pocket money idea is fine

Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:33

I'd say it's 3 weeks worth of food and other groceries. I do think it's important that children learn that money doesn't grow on trees, it's not materialistic to teach them that things need to be paid for. If he were six, fair enough, it's difficult to compute gameboy = £160, but at 9 I think he's old enough to understand that.

foxinsocks · 13/06/2006 09:34

I would take away around 5 weeks pocket money (would that be half of the amount?) and ask him to do his sister's chores for a week.

I think he has to learn - you warned him about not losing it and at 9, he's well old enough to attempt to look after his stuff.

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Heathcliffscathy · 13/06/2006 09:35

look bollocks to this turning into a discussion about material vs emotional values as that isn't what this is about. I'm just talking about emphasis. he sounds like a daydreamer....(god i am going to be in such trouble with ds aren't I? actually i am really really hard on him in terms of hitting or anything like that)...

Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:35

God Marina, why is it so bloody difficult to remember that you need to pick up a) your hat b) your lunchbox and c) your book bag?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

harpsichordcarrier · 13/06/2006 09:35

yes, maybe you can train him to be less forgetful, but I think punishing for something he didn't mean to do probably isn't the way to do it, I suspect. how, though? no idea. It just seems a bit harsh to have a long drawn out punishment for something he didn't mean to do.

Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:35

Yes but aren't daydreamers annoying Sophable?

SoupDragon · 13/06/2006 09:36

He's not just lost one Gameboy though has he - he's lost 2! One is an accident, two is downright careless. He's old enough to have to learn the consequences of not being careful.

Chores to earn the money to "buy" a new one. Definitely.

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:38

I do get you Soph, And Think in many ways you are right. He needs to understand the value of money and understand how his sister feels.

He lost the other gameboy 6 months ago and I just didn't think he would be careless with this one tbh. I thought he had learnt his lesson

(i meant the one gameboy which is 80 pound is a family of four btw)

OP posts:

Original poster

Beetroot · 13/06/2006 09:39

5 weeks pocket money = 5 pounds!!!

OP posts:

Raggydoll · 13/06/2006 09:40

i really looked after stuff when i was little. i didnt break them and i put them away and tried to keep them new for as long as possible. then my younger brother would 'borrow' stuff and it would get broke or lost and i'd be really gutted - probably because i knew i wouldn't get another one. the thing is i don't know how to get kids to be really sorry for losing other peoples things or how to teach kids to have respect. i don't remember what punishment my brother got and i probably wasn't interested at the time but i did know how it felt to have something you cherished broken so i was always careful with other peoples things.

Raggydoll · 13/06/2006 09:41

of the advice on this thread i like 'hard labour' the best

mrsbang · 13/06/2006 09:42

lol @ Marina.

It isn't just the cost of the gameboy is it? It's the lack of respect for his sister's property isn't it? (after already losing his own.)

Irritates me if the boys lose/break stuff and then they just don't seem bothered. (Accidents happen, I accept that and don't over-react) but it's the sheer lack of ability to understand that someone has to pay to repair/replace stuff - and I'm talking about all sorts here, not the gameboy specifically.

Having said that, not sure what I'd do, but I do like the idea of him doing something for his sister.

foxinsocks · 13/06/2006 09:42

lol - read your original post wrong

harpsichordcarrier · 13/06/2006 09:42

I know Beetroot but as a serial forgetter myself it is frustrating to be punished for something that it is very difficult/impossible to change.
and I suspect I am biassed because I think about him working SO hard compared to other boys of his age. I imagine (perhaps wrongly) that he has a lot to think about
and of course i don't have to live with him

silverfrog · 13/06/2006 09:44

I think that at 9 he should be old enough to see that he has to take responsibility for his actions. He had already lost one gameboy, and so should have been taking extra care over the second (and then even more care as it was not his own). I don't agree with the "he didn't mean to lose it" argument - but then I have two step children who, at 14 and 16 still think this is a good enough excuse for any type of bad behaviour/lost or broken belongings so that is a personal bug bear...

I agree that maybe 5 weeks without pocket money, plus extra chores to earn some more (maybe take over a coupl of his sister's most detested chores for a week or so?) would be reasonable punishmnet. 5 weeks is a long time, but it was a big "crime"

foxinsocks · 13/06/2006 09:49

I must admit, I do feel a twinge of sadness for your ds as dd is a complete and utter serial forgetter (probably because she is unfortunate enough to have 2 absentminded parents ).

What was his reaction to losing it? Was he really upset for his sister and genuinely devastated? tbh, I think I would choose the punishment based on how upset he really was. If it was no big deal to him, then I would definitely up the punishment. If he was really upset and had hunted high and low for it, I'd be tempted to go with a lesser punishment.

Caligula · 13/06/2006 09:54

The other thing about not meaning to do it and being a serial forgetter (which I am too) is that at some stage (I'm not sure when) we all have to learn that not meaning to doesn't pass muster as an excuse. I pranged a woman's car a couple of years ago; I didn't mean to, but my insurance premiums have still gone up. If I forget to pay my road tax on time, or a congestion charge, I won't actively mean to, but the authorities will still punish me by fining me (the bastards). It won't stop me forgetting though...

I guess what I'm saying is that if your DS learns that even things you don't mean with malice get punished in the real world, it's better for him to develop strategies to remind himself to remember stuff, because his life will be easier. Am now sitting here waiting for mumsnet to provide me (and my DS) with miraculous, effective strategies to make our lives instantly better.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 13/06/2006 09:57

beety you obviously think it is important ( I'm not remotely materialistic-or into "things" anyone who has seen my house will know that) but I do agree with you. Losing 2 is careless. losing his sister's isn't on (and if he starts losing stuff he's borrowed from friends it causes all sorts of problems). I think 9 is a good age to start getting less forgiving over it- so go for the pocket money one- it's something he'll notice, it won't affect his schoolwork and it doesn't involve his sister in his punishment.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 13/06/2006 09:58

yes I agee caligula- I am dozy myself, but if I forget something then I have to deal with the fall out- financialy or otherwise.

MerlinsBeard · 13/06/2006 09:59

not read all the thread, but did he definatly lose it? It wasn't stolen off him or he wasn't bullied for it? Seems odd to me that it would happen twice and if he was bullied for it then puniushment wouldn't be appropriate imo

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 13/06/2006 10:00

That's why OI like the pocket money idea- he's lost it so he pays for it, but there's no "you've been a naughty boy" attached - it's just a simple case of consequences.

Marina · 13/06/2006 10:04

Ds gets his dreaminess from his dad and as others have said, dh has HAD to learn that being dozy has consequences. We love ds' mad inner life but for his own good we are also trying (kindly) to get him to understand what can happen if you just forget stuff.
And my own experience of life with two dreamers is that they can remember the stuff they want to, with ease. I am feeling vaguely parpy on this topic as it is always me that has to find space in my frazzled brain to buy bog roll, sun cream, new socks etc on top of everything else, while dh and ds memorise Kinks' lyrics together FFS

juuule · 13/06/2006 10:26

I would go with dd getting a new one and ds not being allowed to borrow anything else until he starts to be more responsible for his own things. He hasn't done it deliberately. Is he sorry for losing it? Does he get upset when he loses things? He doesn't have the means to make up for it at 9.

peasinapod · 13/06/2006 10:29

Just thinking . How would you feel if he had lost a friends gameboy not his sisters . I think you would think differently , how would you get through to him about losing stuff . And paying friend back .

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