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Parenting

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Original poster

Should i tell them?

10 replies

tortoise · 06/06/2006 22:50

DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 22 mths.They see their dad 3 times a week for 3 hours at a time.In between he is still texting me to say goodnight to them,good morning,mid day to ask if they are ok!
Normally I do a silly reply as if its from them!But i dont say anything to them because i dont want to upset them.
So should i be telling them everytime he texts to ask about them?

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FloatingOnTheMed · 06/06/2006 22:52

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Dior · 06/06/2006 22:52

Are you together? I'm assuming not. I think that, if they were older, it would be good for them to know that their dad was texting them. However, they seem a little young to understand it anyway. When ds was 3, he freaked out when dh came home from a 10 day trip, as he has sort of forgotten about him!

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tortoise · 06/06/2006 22:58

Because they want to see their daddy.
No we seperated in november.I do mention him, if they do or if they ask after him.Agree will be ok once they are older.

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FloatingOnTheMed · 06/06/2006 23:07

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edam · 06/06/2006 23:11

I wouldn't. They are so little, I think this about his need to reassure himself he's still part of their lives rather than anything to do with their needs. I'd mention it occasionally when it makes sense to do so but not every time, no.

FloatingOnTheMed · 06/06/2006 23:11

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edam · 06/06/2006 23:12

Also, do you think he's using it as a way to still be in YOUR life? If you are fielding his texts ten times a day, he's taking up a lot of your time...

apronstrings · 06/06/2006 23:16

I would tell them. Then as they grow up they will always know that although things didn't work out for you as a couple that their dad was really involved and loving - and that their mum was generous enough to share that with them. I think if you don't tell as they get older its only a matter of time before they (maybe wrongly) feel that you were keeping them from being so close to him. If you already text back sounds like your relationship with him is pretty good ( for a separated couple).
I think if it upsets them maybe its part of the process of coming to terms with not living full time with him now - it may be part of the healing process, but imho will help them deal with the sadness they feel. Good luck - also think you sound sensible so should trust your instincts about when, what and if to tell.

Original poster

tortoise · 06/06/2006 23:17

Thanks.
Yes Edam, i think it is a way to still be in my life! Hes like to be controling!He always puts that he loves me and why wont i talk to him(I do in front of the girls)etc!

I will try and say nite from him i think,then they know daddy is thinking of them.

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Beetle73 · 06/06/2006 23:19

I think i'm with FOTM on this one. I think your DC will quickly get used to the idea of daddy texting, and if he takes the trouble to do it then i think it's fair that they should know he's thinking of them (although it's also very sweet of you to create little replies on their behalf.)
Could he call briefly each evening instead? I try to put my mother on speaker phone when she calls, so that at least DD hears her voice, even though she doesn't usually see her more than once a month. (Also keeps mobile waves away from baby brain)

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