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Parenting

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Original poster

toddler and newborn - what is the hardest thing to deal with?

67 replies

IAteTheCake · 26/06/2013 17:32

Dd is 2.1 and dc2 due in 7 weeks. I am really worrying about how to cope with a toddler and newborn. What did you find hard and how did you deal with it? Tips please! I'm trying to be as prepared as possible!

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MustTidyUpMustTidyUp · 26/06/2013 17:38

Get all the clothes and bits you need out the night before and do everything downstairs. I found it hard that I could never let them alone together in a room (my eldest was younger and unreliable). The one time I did when DS2 was about 3 months and strapped into a tilting high chair DS1 sat on him. Luckily he was a sturdy chap .
Don't worry if you have to put peppa pig on for every feed.

Try and stay in your normal routine as much as possible - I was out at one group or another every day. Staying in would have driven me crazy. Don't sweat the baby routine too much - work with the toddler one.
Will think of others later.

MustTidyUpMustTidyUp · 26/06/2013 17:42

Btw I found it much much easier second time around despite having a toddler - you are so much more confident and less shell shocked by it all. And I worried much less about things you think very important first time, mainly about gettin into good habits - and just went with the flow. DS2 was such an easy baby though- don't know I it was because of or in spite of this!

CrazyOldCatLady · 26/06/2013 17:43

5-7pm. Everyone's on a short fuse. If you don't have backup you're guaranteed screams from at least one child, probably both, at some stage.

There are 18 months between mine.

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dizzy77 · 26/06/2013 17:49

2 years between mine - DS2 is 3wo. It's still early days but I agree with all that has been said so far, in that its easier to deal with the newborn as I have the "technical skills", systems in place to make nappies, feeding etc as efficient as poss and have confidence to be generally fairly relaxed he'll be ok. I was terrified for weeks I'd "break" DS1.

Ds1 is the bigger challenge, although not as bad (yet?) as I'd feared. Trying to ensure he gets enough attention and food is something I'm constantly keeping an eye on. Particularly as we're plunged back into sleeplessness. And getting them both (and me!) out of the house in a reasonably presentable state.

crazykat · 26/06/2013 17:49

I found feeding / changing the hardest, and the school run ( have older DC's ) Best tip is to have changing bag with spare clothes in the room you use most, cartoons for toddler if you need to distract them. It also won't hurt either to cry for a minute or two while you deal with the other ( as long as they're safe )

And lower standards with housework for a few weeks till you get the hang of it.

crazykat · 26/06/2013 17:53

Another tip is to get quick snacks or lunch ready at night and put in the fridge ( think packed lunch) so you have something quick to give the older one during the day without having to faff about getting it ready when they're both awake

MiaowTheCat · 26/06/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/06/2013 18:46

Just coming through it ds1 is 2.3 and ds2 18 weeks. The first 6 weeks are tough and it gets a lot easier! Night before do everything possible & I gave toddlermeals when ds2 napped.

Hardest thing is that you can never leave them together unsupervised as toddlers show love in often unusual and mildly frightening ways, do a well placed stair gate to make a holding pen so you can have wees etc is a good idea!

ladypop · 26/06/2013 19:15

Yes to getting as much prepared the night before - even if you are knackered and it is the last thing you feel like doing! You will be so pleased you did, trust me!!
On a mental level, I was surprised how guilty I have felt that I can't give the same level of attention to DS1 and he often has to be left to his own devices for periods of time (he is 3.5) but I try to offer attention elsewhere when I can and accept that things are going to be different for all of us.
I also didn't realise that they would be different babies with different needs....obvious really, but subconsciously I thought they would be the same - wrong! Having said that, I do find the baby much easier than first time round, even though he has been no less demanding, I think you just know a bit more about it this time!
I find bedtime the hardest when it is just the three of us when my DH is at work - but we get through it and I feel really proud of myself when I do!
Just remember you are not alone in feeling apprehensive about this....there are lots of threads on MN especially for this new time in your life x

ladypop · 26/06/2013 19:19

Ps accept that it can be a muddle but pretty soon you develop ways that work for you and the little ones that mean you don't end up wanting to kill anyone or sticking you head our the window and screaming.... It's all do-able! Good luck and congrats xxx

helebear · 26/06/2013 19:38

I've got dd1 2.3 yrs and dd2 10 weeks. I'm very lucky as dp works from home so can help at crisis moments & is around for bedtime. I agree about being as prepared in advance as possible. My top tip for going out would be to use a sling for the baby, I have a double buggy but I find having dd2 in the sling much easier as I'm hands free to run after/ help dd1 and dd2 generally just sleeps in the sling so is content & no bother, in fact I panicked the other day that she wasn't in the buggy then remembered she'd been strapped to me for the last 2 hours!

ladypop · 26/06/2013 21:21

Second that about the sling too! Makes life a lot easier at times - esp when baby is cranky/tired and you haven't the time to devote to trying to settle them x

TippiShagpile · 26/06/2013 21:26

Yy. I have 12 months between mine.

It's all in the preparation, taking it one day at a time and being easy on yourself. Oh, and ask for help.

And the tough stuff will soon be over and your children will be easy peasy lemon squeasy and a complete joy, as mine are.

YellowCanary1 · 26/06/2013 21:26

I found having my newborn (3 weeks) has been really easy this time around and I keep wondering why I thought DS1 (now 2.4yrs) was such hard work! My biggest challenge is keeping DS1 entertained whilst DS2 feeds. I have a number of toys and games prepared for him to play with and don't mind using the tv to help out!
Echo others on the usefulness of slings, esp if you can master feeding in one!
It takes a bit of adjustment but honestly it is not as hard as you imagine it will be.

MortifiedAdams · 26/06/2013 21:27

Marking my place as I have a 18mo and am POAS tomorrow with the hope that it will be a BFP. Lots of great tips here!

debbie1412 · 26/06/2013 21:27

Hardest thing I found at the start was the guilt. 1st born was 2 when second child cane along. Their life as they no it completely changes. About 6 months in the baby self entertains alot more so I'm back to playing with both in equal measure but her naps control alot of our day so he's still losing out on outings!

Locketjuice · 26/06/2013 21:36

Marking my place 6 weeks to go and a 17 month old...

ItCameFromOuterSpace · 26/06/2013 21:59

8 weeks to go for me and have a 19 month old, so 21 months between the two. Feeling very nervous.

aboutagirl · 26/06/2013 22:10

My top tip is to have somewhere safe to put the baby quickly down in every room! I have sheepskin in lounge and 2 bouncy chair's distributed around the house, kitchen, loo etc!

A baby is a breeze compared to a toddler!

You become very very good at doing things like cooking one handed.

My baby is starting school in a few months - it really does fly by.

RichInBunlyGoodness · 26/06/2013 22:11

YY to the guilt. DD is 3.5 and I worry that she doesn't get the one on one time she needs and tbh its probably reflected in her behaviour at times. Equally I fret that DS (18 weeks) doesn't get anything like the level of attention that DD got as a baby.

The baby bit definitely seems easier second time round. When DD is off with DH and I just have the baby I regard that as a break which was obviously not the case second time round.

RichInBunlyGoodness · 26/06/2013 22:16

oops - was obviously not the case first time round

helebear · 26/06/2013 22:25

Yep, I felt guilt and sad that I wasn't giving dd my undivided attention. Dp and I have had to make sure that we make time to spend with each dc one to one otherwise the division of labour tends to be that when he's around he looks after dd1 and i lo

helebear · 26/06/2013 22:30

look after dd2, especially as I'm breastfeeding. It got to the point where I felt I was always left holding the baby (literally) who is cute but a bit boring, whilst dp was having fun with dd1. And he in turn felt like he hardly knew dd2.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/06/2013 23:46

Very good tip about baby stashing devices in every room!

crazykat · 26/06/2013 23:47

In a way I think it's better to have the first two close together (12 months between mine) because DD can't remember when DS wasn't around so we didn't have jealousy - when they both want the same toy notwithstanding.

However DD2 was a bit stroppy when DS 2 was born when she was 22 months.

One good tip I had was the first time DC1 meets DC2 whether at the hospital or home - don't be holding the new baby and make a little fuss of DC1 with cuddles before introducing them.

Also tell DP/DH that he'll have to do most of the housework or not complain that it isn't done for a couple of weeks till you adjust

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