toddler and newborn - what is the hardest thing to deal with?

[IAteTheCake]

Dd is 2.1 and dc2 due in 7 weeks. I am really worrying about how to cope with a toddler and newborn. What did you find hard and how did you deal with it? Tips please! I'm trying to be as prepared as possible!

Agree,worst thing is not being able to leave them unsupervised.
I had bad jealousy problems with DC1 when DC2 was arrived and this went on for 10months.But when DC3 arrived 14 weeks ago both brothers really accepted him so was hardly an issue this time.
In the early days,I found it quite hard going out with them all and having to breast feed frequently and keep the toddler entertained.
But I've got 19m between DC1 & DC2 and 23m between DC s 2&3 and it really isn't too bad.
My top tip is concentrate on the toddler,the baby will fit into your routine and grow up realising the world doesn't revolve around them in the way that it does with a PFB.

Also,if you haven't got one,get a really good sling for the baby.I find it invaluable when at toddler groups etc so I'm able to do stuff with my toddler

16 months between my 2 boys. Things that have helped me so far:

• good baby sling
• cbeebies & tractor ted
• stash of new (cheap) toys to keep ds1 happy in buggy when I need to stop and feed ds2
• special treats for ds1 eg gingerbread men etc
• try and have 1on1 time with each of them when the other one is asleep
• follow your toddlers routine - do not change it. The baby will fit in around it.

Good luck. I'm looking forward to the days where they will entertain each other!

Also place marking to lurk . I have a 10mo DS and POAS a couple of days ago... DC2 will (all being well) come along when DS is 18mo! Eek! Bit overwhelming!

Do you have a set routine you have to follow - e.g. being out the door for a nursery session for the older one?

Other than timekeeping, honestly I found it dead easy. Way easier than being heavily pregnant with a toddler. The three things that made it easy were having a sling, breastfeeding and co-sleeping (oh, and ignoring all cleaning).

It got harder at about 12 months, but by then I'd got the hang of it!

I've got a 20mo & a 2.5wo. So far the thing I've found most difficult is the physical stuff. I had a bit of an 'exciting' birth experience in the back of an ambulance & had bad pelvic/back pain as a result. DS1 has just had a mini-break with his grandparents now that DH is back at work & I'm feeling positively normal now after not having to lift him for a couple of days! Might be worth planning a few days away for the toddler at some point in the first month or so just to give yourself a break. I hated sending him away but he had a great time & I feel better for the rest.

I'm finding Pinterest to be addictive invaluable for activity ideas for my toddler. Like this for example - an easy way of rotating his toys so he doesn't get bored of them. I've used a theme for each day, e.g. counting, colours or animals, & put them in old gift bags which I get out when I need to start cooking dinner. He's entertained & I feel like he's learning leaving me free to sort dinner out & do a little tidying so DH thinks I'm a domestic goddess!

jojo I love the toy rotation box idea! Will certainly be using that.

Comparatively I found the newborn stage SO much easier the second time round, even with dc1 in tow. I have actually found it more difficult since dc2 hit a few months old.

Honestly? My top tip is childcare. Dc1 carried on going to her childminder for 2 days/week for four months after dc2 was born. Life got a lot harder when she started being at home full time again- she was bored at home, fitting in around feeds and naps. And as dc1 had stopped napping i never had a break. things got easier again when I found a (free - as she's 3) playgroup two mornings a week. If a small amount of childcare is not available/affordable, call on grandparents/family/friends to give both you and dc1 a break. You'll wonder what you ever found hard about having one baby!

And yes, a sling is great, and easy access to cbeebies! And stickers. And books to read to dc1 while feeding dc2.

Marking place to read later. Dd is two next week- dc2 is due next week

Was a while ago now (2.5 yearsbetween mine), what I remember most was the terror whilst heavily pg that I wouldn't be able to cope. Second the poster who said newborn +toddler is easier than pg +toddler. The hardest thing honestly was other people. What I found was that looking after them both took my full attention and having a conversation at the same time was impossible. The best days were when we just pottered at home and didn't try anything too adventurous.

I used to get everything ready for bed time at 9:30am (baby sleeping and toddler happy). Also fed dc2 at 4:30pm whether she wanted it or not so she would give me 1.5 hrs from 5-6:30 to sort out Ds. So my day went get everything ready for bed before leaving the house. 10 am feed dc2, 11am dc1 climbing walls, leave house for park/toddler group. 12:30pm get back feed everyone (leftovers/beans on toast). 1-1:30 put dc2 down either play with dc1 or doze in front of freebies depending on exhaustion levels. 2:30-3pm feed dc2 give dc1 snack to distract him out to park/shops etc. Back by 4:30pm latest to feed dc2 before doing dc1 tea etc. Dd used to love to watch her brother in the bath from her bouncy chairfrom
realy early on......makes me feel quite nostalgic. Wish I could try that now (they are 7&9 and go to bed at 830-9pm)

Put the baby's bouncer in the playpen to keep him/her relatively safe from the toddler. I say relatively!

Take the toddler with you when you go to the loo...

Breastfeeding. Baby wanted 6 hours of cluster feeding; toddler wanted dinner bath and bed. Something had to give...

I agree that guilt is the hardest thing. I also had a c section (unexpected) and continuing SPD to deal with, so not the typical experience. If you have anything like that, and/or a partner who works long hours, my top tip would be to cut as many corners as you can and try to arrange help. Give yourself a break - an overdose of cbeebies won't do your oldest any harm if it's temporary.

The best advice I picked up from MN is to consider your day a great success if everyone is safe, fed, and vaguely clean :)

can't believe nobody else has mentioned this - naps are the hardest thing for me. I have DD who cannot nap unassisted and DS who cannot keep quiet/still/leave her alone for one freaking second. there's 21 months between them, I'm 8 months in and still trying to work it out! what I've managed to do is jiggle things so that at least one of the baby's naps coincides with the toddlers so that she gets at least one chance to have a decent nap.

definitely agree with getting stuff ready the night before, I've also started doing a visual routine chart and snacks and meals at specific times each day purely because the toddler is easier to manage this way.

they say it gets easier after the first year

I had to put ds2 upstairs from the word go for naps for that very reason, he never seemed to mind, just glad of the peace!

DS is 2.6 and DD is 6 months, the following helped us

• get out of the house, baby sleeps, toddler entertained
• stick to toddler's routine, fit baby around toddler
• have a stack of exciting treats to whip out to bribe toddler - magazine, stickers, chocolate buttons
• batch cook and freeze so you have easy dinners and lunches
• put the baby in a sling
• when DD was tiny and i was still rocking DS to sleep for his nap i would put DD in her car seat and rock her with my foot whilst cuddling DS- mostly worked!
• eat a lot of chocolate
• at every opportunity i would play with DS and try to make sure he got some really positive 1.1 time at the weekend too
• DP often has to work late so missed bedtime, i moved dinner earlier allowing time to feed and change DD before bathing DS. Then we incorporated ITNG into the routine with supper to give me the opportunity to fill DD up with milk before attempting bedtime
• plenty of stations, strategically placed around the house to pop the baby down when needed

Will add anything else i think of! Good luck, it really is so much easier the second time around.

Hi Cake, all the practical advice I'd give, others have said far better than I would.
So I'm passing on my mum's motto 'be kind to yourself'. It makes me feel better whenever I dare put down the baby to go to the loo .

I frequently mutter to myself, when one or other of them is screaming, ' I can't do everything, so I'll just do THIS'.
'THIS' is usually prepare their food, change a nappy, bath one of them etc etc. something that has to be done, so I power through!

Someone else on here once said, if one eats, we all eat. I found this good advice, it made sure I had lunch too! Thanks to that mnetter

Good luck. My eldest is 2 1/2. My second is now nearly 10 months and everything got easier once he could crawl cos he could entertain himself better!

Yes definitely put baby to sleep upstairs (or in another room from day 1)

I took the view that elder child (aged two) could cry more loudly and lustily that newborn baby. So I tried to anticipate his needs in advance. Get everything sorted out for big child - as much as you can - and hope that new child's needs fit in.

It did kind of work. Also, as everyone says, you will find second baby so much easier.

So, once you've gathered breath and looked round, all of your learning curve is still focused on child number one.

Also, I invested a fair bit of time in teaching elder child to work the television and DVD controls.

Yeah, I know. But what else could he do whilst I was breast feeding?

Sorry to hijack but I'm about to be in same boat and wondered what sling people who are recommending it found most useful? I had a stretchy bit of fabric one for DS but found it such a faff I abandoned it after a week or so.

What's quickest and easiest?!

I've got a Babybjorn sling with the lower back support.They seem to be controversial due to the ?leg positioning but my baby is really happy in it and a couple of friends with the same sling are still carrying their 1 year olds in them.

A pashmina. Either turn it into a ring sling or tie a knot - as if you were going to tie a double knot but don't pull one end all the way through so you're left with a loop. There's a proper name for the knot but I can't remember it! That makes it easier to adjust or remove with a sleeping baby in. If you fold it in half lengthwise it creates a pocket for a newborn, or it can be used at full width to sit an older child on your hip. I managed hands-free breastfeeding using mine the other day! You do need to be careful to make sure the baby can breathe & has space to pull themselves off the nipple if you try that though!

Whyno - well I like the piece of fabric sort that you hated. Also love Manduca (which has an integrated newborn insert), though less comfy for sitting on the floor with the toddler. The thing I loved about Kari-me and similar is that, once you've got the knack they are dead easy and, unlike a Bjorn or a Manduca there are no awkward clips, buckles, seams, etc to dig in when you are sitting cross legged playing lego or whatever.