Help - monster toddler tantrums, jealousy or tiredness...

[suggy]

DD1 is 3 in August. DD2 is 12 weeks old. DD1 is having tantrums, wanting constant cuddles, weeing herself, waking in the night (to such an extent that its the toddler that ruins my nights not the newbie), being mean and rude to family.

I was expecting it when the baby was new and constantly feeding, but it seems to be getting worse. She is far worse cos she is constantly tired and refuses daytime naps. We did controlled crying when she was a baby but seems weird when she is talking and aware of what she is doing. I try and focus on the good, distract her from tantrums etc etc but I am tired and want it to get better and am not sure what to do.

help !

may be the "honeymoon " period is over. she realises dd2 is here to stay FOR EVER.... and its hard. the regressed behaviour is v common. can you give her some one to one time on regukar basis while dh / dp looks after baby?
this all lasted with my ds1 for long time and was difficult for us all... he used to scream and scream when the baby started on solids "HE CANT EAT FOOOD!!!!!" happy days.

Are you able to spend some quality time with just your dd1 to make her feel special? Not easy with a 12 week old I know, but maybe she would feel less pushed out if she had mummy to herself again sometimes? imho controlled crying might do more harm than good at the moment especially if she is already feeling sensitive, perhaps she is refusing to sleep as she doesn't want to be away from you. (A complete guess.) Can you, she and dd2 have a lie down all together for a sleep? It would also do you some good too as having a tiny baby plus a p'd off toddler must be exhausting!

Thanks for all this.

I try all this especially the quality time when DD2 is asleep, or DH has her - so yesterday we did swimming, today a massage. But she reverts to a monster very quickly - well as soon as the competition awakes and then I'm pee'd off that she doesn't appreciate the effort .

Food and sleep reduce the tantrums. I am trying a star chart for sleep tonight.

Its so hard - I feel so guilty for f**king up DD1 and guilty for not giving DD2 the attention she deserves. So thanks for the advice

Dear Suggy oh how I can relate to your dilemma!!!DS is 2.5 AND dd 6 months.DS has tried every trick in the book,despite me making sure we spend at least some time each day just the 2 of us without baby.He has got a little better as she is now a little older and doesnt need such constant input(windy colicky non sleeping little mite).DS latest tricks are being atrocious at mealtimes and wanting the toilet every 2 minutes as he knows this gains my attention (yes weve just done potty training).Poor little guy he was so used to having my undivided attention,and i also feel torn in two,you feel you can never give either one the attention they deserve and i have to say the first five months i was so knackered and stressed i nearly lost the plot totally.Now i get the occasional 8 hour sleep at night and its more bearable!!!Hang in there I keep thinking the eldest must get used to it at some point and in the long run it will be good for them to have a sib to play with.I have to say he is getting more used to her and has started giving her cuddles and kissing her ,though early on when she was 8 weeks I nipped to the loo and when I got downstairs the poor little baby had a cardboard clarks shoebox on her head courtesy of her brother.Really I didnt know whether to laugh or cry at the time but giggle loads now when I think of it!!!Im an eldest one with a 2.5 age gap to my bro and we get on well so fingers crossed !!