Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies Part 2

[blueblackdye]

Our 2nd thread is full but it won't prevent us from laughing, moaning, keeping on supporting each other, sharing and chatting over our new life with 1 or 2, even 5 children !
Here you go, fantastic 40+ Mums, a brand new thread for all of us, old friends from the pregnancy thread or new joiners

GRR wrote a long post on my phone and lost it when dd2 called!!

to those having issues with DP's. i'm on DH no 3 and really understand how hard it is with small ones. It was Full Moon this week end which I really believe makes men moody and women more sensitive. however there is never an excuse for bad behaviour. stand your ground ladies remember you are amazing, strong and very capable women. A husband should always make your life better never worse. although DH seems very westernised (and in many ways is) he is an Egyptian Muslim and our marriage is very Islamic. The Quran clearly lays out the roles, rights and responsibilities of both parties in a marriage and believe me WOMEN hold most of the trump cards. I remind DH of this when necessary.

read the sleep link with great interest, I'm def going to read more of the Kelly mum site. the bit about crying babies giving up hope of being rescued made me give a little sob and promise never to let baby rose cry alone. to those suffering, It does get better..... I cant remember when DD1+2 slept through but I know by 2ish they were in there own room. they had a baby gate on the door (I never closed the door) and mattress on the floor. I would leave them a drink and snack when I went to bed for them to have when they woke early. i was very stern that bedtime was bedtime and once in your room you stay there. (i was a single mum studying for a degree and needed my evenings!! )worked for us.

unfortunately having baby rose TT cut has not really improved her feeding, she still clicks constantly and is taking in lots of air which then causes her lots of pain to get rid of. I have today resorted to Gripe Water to see if it will help. she is such a grumpy baby at the moment she only seems at peace when she is resting on my chest listening to my heart, its beautiful to watch her.
she is sleeping for a couple of hours when she sleeps but it is not settled sleep, she kicks, moans, gives a little cry farts then settles again. :(

in other news... very glad I'm not flying to Cairo as planned on Friday!! Remembering Dahab as far as I know is fine.

Hello again my lovelies.

BBD that sounds like a tough situation you have there with your DH. What is wrong with all these men??!!

Ah, ?cry it out?. Thanks for that. My HV team have just dropped CIO as their recommended approach to getting babies to sleep. I?m glad I didn?t consult them a while earlier.

Eagle sounds like you are doing brilliantly, so hopefully last night was just a one off. I am sure the earlier bedtime is why baby Eagle is sleeping better. Well rested babies sleep better. So long as she is over 6 months then you can let her go all night without a feed (can you do 10pm till 5am? That would be a good start.) The only way we can get baby FF to not feed at night is for Daddy to deal with him, which generally works. I tried to do the countdown thing with DS (you know, 10 mins BF one night, then 9, then 8 etc), but he wasn?t having any of it!!

Oh, Eagle I love the idea that your DP stole your birthday flowers!! These men are just unbelievable, aren?t they??!! I suppose I feel extra let down because I?d planned my day and it didn?t work out because he didn?t turn up until 4pm instead of 9am. Oh, and Knicky, you have the same probs too?. And Knotty I don?t like the sound of that, particularly the financial issues. Have you made any serious enquiries about childcare/returning to work that you could show him in a calm moment? Dare I ask? Is the business going ok?

Knotty Rosa?s naming day sounds wonderful. I hope we can appoint Godparents/mentors for DS one day.

As I read on through today?s posts I am starting to feel depressed by the problems we all seem to be having with DPs. Knicky that sounds like an awful way to spend a Sunday and so sad to wonder if you would be better on your own. But I know exactly how you feel, as I wonder the same myself. Sleep deprivation is an awful thing and can make you feel a little mad at times. I hope you get it sorted soon.

Nice to meet you Rosie, and thanks for your bolstering comments. Interesting about the moon. I might start paying more attention to it. Great tips about the snack and drink for mornings too. Have you tried giving baby Rose fennel tea? I found it worked a treat for baby FF?s wind. You can also make it with Chamomile for a bit of a calming too. DS seemed to really like the combo. Love your name BTW. My fave dolly was called Rosie.

Well, it's my bedtime. One day I will manage to start the housework at 8pm, but not tonight. I fancy sleeping too much.

Sweet dreams all. FF xx

Popping on quickly to say hi to all, I'm struggling to keep up with the thread as DD is demanding and DH is away with work but sending you all to help with the various issues we're all juggling. Will post properly when I find some time!

Hello lovely chatty ladies just running on to say we are ok, shaken and rattled but not rolled. Lots of after shocks but hopefully worst over. It was a bit of a one, here is a link about it if you want to see - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2395466/New-Zealand-Two-earthquakes-cut-power-leave-hundreds-stranded-Wellington.html
(Yes, eagle, we are in Wellington.)
The only effect on BG seems to have been that he refused to walk for three days. I guess he thought there was no point if the world was going to wobble under his feet and upset his newfound balance! He is fine again as of yesterday though.

So so sorry to hear all the difficulties with DPs. Hugh's toyou all. I honestly think that men suffer from PND almost more than women do. We had problems inthe early days but nothing like any of you, and DH was always fab at doing his share during the day

We are off to see some native birds down at the estuary. More later!

This is all I have to say about 'D'Ps today: I think they should all bugger off and live together and sit around in a swamp of their own lazy making. And the ladies can live together and make cakes and be nice and supportive to each other.

DP spent most of yesterday taking his bike apart on the lawn and tantrumming/swearing over it. He was wearing some nice trousers that I'd bought him and now they're ruined as he's smeared black oil all over them. Apparently he was 'too tired' to change into an old pair (that's his excuse for everything he does wrong these days - too tired). Today I went into the garden and found the lawn covered in oily smears and the f*cker has poured all the leftover oil down the path! I cried and cried as it was just the last straw (struggling a bit with low mood at the mo).

Sorry for adding to the general DP misery

FF you have every right to feel hard done by on your birthday when DP didn't turn up til later - it's so hard getting any sort of time to yourself or little luxuries when you have a baby.

Knotty the naming ceremony sounds lovely! I've wondered about having one for DD as doubt very much that she will be baptised and it would be great to mark her arrival into this world with some sort of get-together. Plus the two sides of her family have never met! All of her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins don't even know each other's names, which is a bit sad. What sort of venue did you use for the ceremony?

Rosie sorry you're still getting problems with the feeding. I hope that someone out there has the answer soon. I love the idea of a baby gate on the door and food/drink being left - have to admit that at 5am when Baby E is wide awake I hand her a couple of toys and turn over in bed hoping she'll forget I'm there and find the toys more interesting instead. I've also been known to play dead in bed in the hope that she doesn't actually notice me as she has a tendency to kick me, tweak my nose, ping my bra straps etc.

Knicky so many of my friends have said similar to you regarding being happier on your own, and also said that if they split up with their DP they would never live with a man again! The sleep regression you've had sounds like hell - night time wakings for feeding are just about tolerable, but wanting to stay awake is another matter entirely.

Off to bed in a minute - I put DD down in my own bed earlier this eve as thought there was a better chance of her sleeping through til 5am again. The little monkey 'self settled' herself by taking off around the bed and has somehow managed to rotate 180 degrees, so will need repositioning when I go to bed. Wish me luck!

And hope the rest of you get a reasonable night's sleep

Morning everyone! 1000FF, as far as I know the business is OK, it's just a very busy time of year for DP (private landlord who rents out to students, so getting ready for the new intake). The thing is he likes things the way they are (as I do) as he doesn't have to worry about any household stuff or childcare and can concentrate on working, He's very hands on with both DCs when he's here. It's more his attitude which tends to come out more when he's stressed. Thanks for your concern though .

Goat, glad to hear all is well and that BG is back to walking around!
Eagle, so sorry about your crappy day on Sunday. How were things yesterday?

I thoroughly recommend a naming ceremony Eagle! When I looked into having it in one of the licensed premises with a registrar etc., it was so expensive! In the end we used our local outdoor museum here and hired the old village hall there. They decorated it with vintage bunting and provided afternoon tea with homemade cakes etc. We asked my sister to conduct the ceremony which I wrote with her and had friends do readings, and the mentors all got up and made their own promises to her. It was really emotional & personal, and didn't cost the earth (about £450 including the food).

Hope everyone else is OK xx

Evening all.

Goats Glad you are ok, if a little shaken. Funny about BG refusing to walk for a few days! Glad you can relax enough to do some bird watching.

I agree that men get some kind of PND. I have heard so many similar stories recently where they go into some kind of mini-meltdown. I thought I'd seen a significant improvement recently though.

Blimey Eagle. Your DP?s behaviour on Sunday is frigging awful. What spooks me out is that I could have written this myself. I too have had the nice, smart new clothes ruined by DIY. Are you ok now? You know, I am so fed up these days I can?t even find the energy to cry! You made me laugh with your tactics to get her back to sleep. DS likes pinging my bra-straps too. Also pulling my vest top down in the search for more milk!! Hope you got your little monkey turned round ok when you went to bed, and are feeling better today?

DH has decided that scanning old photos in for hours on end is an effective use of his time and efficient way of clearing spare bedroom.

Knotty glad the business is ok. Not much cash coming into this household at the moment which is a problem?. Doesn?t help.

DS poppety and has a bit of a temperature. Wondering whether it?s more teeth. He?ll have a full set soon if so. Otherwise, could be something to do with SIL getting DS to play in dirty dishwater on Sunday. FFS.

Not much of interest to report. I can?t even report back on how amazing my skin looks after using new eye creams as I can?t be bothered to use it at the mo!! Feeling a bit more cheerful though and at least the sun is shining. Slowly trying to apply myself to TCC #2. Wish me luck!!

Eagleray, I have stopped buying nice clothing to DH, he just doesn't know how to take care of them, it is just waste of money. I too sometimes stay awake in bed for ages at night worrying about money, I find it hard to be a SAHM not bringing any money in even if I have chosen to do so to spend quality time with DCs, I m glad I can work from home, atm I have one client, I hope to be able to find more, 2 or 3 would be nice. I want to keep my freedom and be able to take the kids away during term time.
FF, so you still have this project of a sibling for baby FF. You mentioned this during pg1, I remember thinking waouh, that is so brave ! I will keep everything crossed for you.
Goat, glad you are fine.
Knotty, sounds like the naming was a beautiful ceremony.
Remembering, hope you will manage with DH being away.
Rosie, I hate feeding issues with babies. I hope you can find a solution soon. No advice from me but here to hold hands if need be.
LRM, has baby M repeated his self settling ? From what you describe, he is very much like my DS, absolutely perfect in every and all aspects except sleep. Which is reassuring, they are real boys not robots !

A keeps on walking and walking and walking with her hands up. I m starting to think that maybe woodfloor is not the best, she has a big huge bump on the forehead, I feel bad. She now knows how to get down from the bed but not from the stairs. My next project: teach her how to do so from sofa and stairs although my bed in London is much higher than the one I have here.

LRM, we are back to 2 naps a day, every 3.30/4h I would put her down in her cot, which means my days are f#%}{ as I read somewhere naps on the go are less restorative than those in bed so I m sticking as much as I can to sleep in cot. But in the evening she is in a much better mood, 10 days on, she has offered me a pretty good night last night, 7.30 to 1, fed, then again woke up at 2.30, fed and slept until 7.15 this morning. Lets hope she reiterates tonight too.

Sending Mr Sandman to everyone. Xxxxx

Garghhhh. Getting very fed up with losing messages.

Sorry so many of you are having a bad time with OHs. I would never wish this sadness on one of you lovely women, but reading your stories has helped me a lot: I had begun to blame myself for being weak or passive (or too passive aggressive, which I hate), or choosing badly, or deluding myself or something. Now I fear it is not all my fault! I am too passive aggressive, but at least I can dump some of the self-criticism and focus on improving my response.

Eagle, hope DD settling continues to improve. Did DP bring your bike trailer at least? Have you taken dd in it? Makes me smile at the thought of you!

FF, slap on that moisturiser: you owe it to yourself to make the most of you. Picture a handsome dad at the school gate, or whatever works for you

BBD, hope last few days are lovely in Paris, and safe back. Then we can plan a meet

Hope holidays/summers/ DC and mums are all well and enjoying end of summer.

I just want to say my perfectly beautiful little boy likes to break off from suckling every few minutes to gaze at me and smile to melt my heart, then resume feeding for a while before another little gaze-and-smile break. I guess I can't preserve this bubble of perfect happiness he is in at that moment....

Scarecrow, I love and cherish these moments so much, I love the gaze in their eyes, I think I could kiss them 10 million times when they do that. Enjoy, my friend, this is something we keep in our heart forever. And it belons only to us, mums and babies, nothing else in the world is real when it happens.
Atm, DS kisses A a lot, when she cries, when she smiles, when she wales up and she cuddles him too. That melts my heart too. I hope they will keep on doing that for a long time. But I also have tears and screams from DS because A is destroying his car/train tracks.... Glad it never occured to him (yet) to remove her from the scene.

Scarecrow/BBD DD does that stopping feeding to stare into my eyes thing too, but she tends to pull a silly face as if she's mocking me and I start giggling! Sad but reassuring that you have experienced similar problems with your DHs.

I had a much nicer day today (after a rather bad start due to DD feeding all bloody night thanks to not eating enough the day before). Visited a nursery first thing to see if it would be doable for DD and I really liked it. Thought I was going to cry when I walked in as couldn't believe we are at that stage already, but DD was v interested in everything going on and enjoyed being cuddled by the staff. Am going to look at a few more, but if I opt for this one I will start with a half day a week next month, then will be in a good position to increase time there when I get a job. Have also found a childminder who I think would be very good and she has a couple of days free so am hoping to mix and match a bit.

I also went for a long walk, taking in a nice museum cafe on the way and this evening had a beautician visit the house for a marathon waxing session, which was quite relaxing despite being painful!

Oh, and I got the boot sale paddling pool up and running finally. It still deflates in places but have decided to ignore that, and just filled it up. Baby E was very game - put her in a swim nappy and a little all-in-one sunsuit (another boot sale find) and then just plopped her in! I feel v bad as the water was pretty cold but she sat there politely and played with her stacking cups. Then a couple of them floated away and as she lurched forward to retrieve them she faceplanted herself in the water. She gave a few little splutters and then resumed her polite sitting and staring. Then I realised she was cold so fished her out!

As for the trailer Scarecrow - we have it and have also bought a baby seat for it! Took it for a test run last weekend in stroller mode - I ran a mile around a field pushing it, while madam reclined and smiled as if she was on a sunlounger. DP put her giant toy caterpillar in the other seat, which looked really comical. All being well, we're doing a 2 day bike trip at the tail end of the bank holiday - if I ever forgive him for being such an arse of late...

FF gosh you as well, with the clothes being ruined by DP! Hope DS feels better soon, and fingers crossed it's not the dishwater. Good luck with #2 - how exciting! Meanwhile, do treat yourself to your nice eye creams - we mums need to look after ourselves a bit more!

Knotty you've got me all inspired now with the naming ceremony! I feel sad that I didn't think to arrange something for the summer, but perhaps we could do something for the autumn. And you've proved that you don't need to spend tons of cash to have a beautiful, meaningful ceremony. Now just need to get DP on board...

Goat glad you are all ok down in NZ, and how bizarre that BG has responded to the quake with a walking strike (although perfectly understandable). Did the bird trip go well?

Remembering hope all is well while you're home alone all week. Are you managing to catch up on sleep at all.

Right - up the wooden hill now to bed, hoping I don't wake DD in the process. Oh Christ she just started crying. Aaaarrrghghghghghhg!!!!

Night night everyone

I had a coffee at 4pm so I am wired, but can?t be bothered to do any housework. Ooopsie. Such a skiver!!

Scarecrow that is a very special time. As BBD said, cherish it. They do that for just a short period of time, but don?t worry, that little bubble of perfect happiness gets bigger and better. These days when DS is not having a sleepy BF we share a giggle or two ? I blow raspberries on his feet, suck his toes, or tickle him with my hair. The smiles and giggles are unbearably cute and one of the best parts of the day.

Sounds like you had a good day Eagle. I?m going to take inspiration from that and get off my arse and do a bit more. Baby FF likes sitting in buckets in his paddling pool BTW. V cute and enhances the whole experience for him!! The bike ride sounds like a really excellent idea. I should get off my backside and sort something similar out. I have a great bike for cycling round here, but haven?t bothered to get it out.

OMG, I have spent tonight surfing the net looking at baby FF?s winter wardrobe and new sleeping bags etc etc. So much cute stuff out there!! If I can?t get DH to dress nicely then I will concentrate on DS!! Also, DH did an excellent job settling DS tonight and I didn?t have to boob him to sleep (that's DS, not DH) so that made for a really nice break after 14 months of the same!! Also, read my stars (obvs, believe everything I read!!), and it said something about battles with a close one. I?ll paste it tomorrow. Is quite apt.

Right, going to slap on that face cream and get tidying. Cleaner comes tomorrow so want to find some surfaces for her to work with!!

Hope baby Eagle went back to sleep ok and that you are all having peaceful nights. FF xx

Hello! Checking in after months - didn't get a chance to know you all; must try harder!

Back with DS2 in situ, currently 25 weeks and all's well - I'm 45, DS1 3 - so looking to pick experienced minds on second babies.

TTFN

HI snug dwellers
I am camping out in there and not coming out. I have coke cake blanket and chap on stand by for a foot rub after miles of pram walking.
Why is it when you want them to sleep you have navigate around bloody builders banging. Mopheds. Hedge trimmers. Lawn mowers. Deaf pensioners saying hello sooooo loud. And I am convinced I was followed by the loudest crow in existence

Hello ! 7.30pm, both kids are asleep, I even managed to have a shower !
Starting to organise my workload in my head when I return and not having an extra pair of hands, think I have to write a list down tbh. Soooo much to deal with, A starting nursery, school uniform to buy for DS, very difficult to find black shoes that are not ugly and affordable, builders coming, food to cook and freeze, DH going away on second week after school starts ! School and nursery runs.... Freaking a bit already. Organise, organise, organise.
Scarecrow, Eagleray, a meet up would be lovely indeed.
Catdoctor, nice to have you back. Very glad 2nd pg is going well. Think my DCs have approx same age gap as yours will have. A was born 3.9 y after DS.
Remembering, thinking of you dealing with 2 without DH.
FF, how is baby FF, is he feeling any better today ?
Off to write down my list of things to do, good night everyone

hello lovelies, and welcome catdoctor. Fab the thread has become so busy. I nearly said gotten so busy - bleurgh!

Eagle, top tip from my sister was to full paddling pool late morning and leave over lunch sleep ( or where there should be one ) and it is warm for the afternoon. Works a treat. er, well on sunny days.
Sorry you worried about money as well. It sucks. The childcare options are sounding great though. It is so so important to be happy with where you leave DD, then that is one less thing to worry about and you can focus on simply missing her. Which you will. But to worry too would be unbearable. Hope Op Cot is at least making progress if not smoothly!

Knotty, I'm really inspired by your naming ceremony and now want one for dc, as they too will not be baptised/ Christened. Now to persuade DH. And navigate the mibefueld which is chosing sponsors: too many girlfriends would be good (or think they should be picked ), and not enough men. She doesn't help as some best options are older than us so would be 70 when dc 20 and might need some advice. Tell me, is there somewhere you recommend looking for suggestions about what to include in the ceremony?

sorry posting in chunks as keep.losing posts...

FF, laughed at stars. So what did it say? I also do not "believe" but always smile at things I know a friend would say make me " very Virgo" - including being pleased dh is back at work so I can take charge of the dish washer stacking as I get embarrassingly stressed that he does not stack it the "right" way I am aware how sad this is so have not ever admitted it in RL

Remembering, Rosie, BadMiss - and other longer term absentees like Chairman and MrsW - hope you all coping okay AMD getting support. You are missed x

Knicky - ah yes, 4m sleep.regression. I'd forgotten about that. Seems to be a lot of regression and growth spurts in childhood Can you explain pick up/put down. Being a BW fan I should know, but never grasped it.

afm, I am on a train to London Town ro meet a girlfriend for supper. With No Children. Amazing. Secretly would have loved to stay home and done little chores and watched my children sleep.and cuddled under the duvet at 10pm, but know I'll love it when I get there. CM can't work tomorrow and DH away for weekend then.til Monday so need to make the.most of.some.me time.

At least I can stack the dishwasher happily on my own

morning everyone :)

moan first.... my bloody phone has broken!! i'm sooooo upset. I've taken a pic of rose petal every day since she was born and it looks like i'm going to loose them all. had a massive Boo last night.

on a happier note.. I've decided baby rose feeds the way she does and that's fine. weigh in yesterday and she's 8.15 at 5 weeks (5.15 born) so regardless of problems she's getting plenty and gaining well. the gripe water seems to be helping her settle and I've even had some real smiles and a few happy baby chats.

squawking........

Oh no Rosie that's awful re your phone! In what way is the phone broken? There must be a good chance the pics can be recovered - if you need any help, let me know the make/model and how it broke and I will find out what I can. I've got over 1,000 pics of baby E and although I have pro camera kit most of the pics are shot with my phone!

Great weight gain

For your combined entertainment, I have put a photo of T on my profile. Let's just say that if you are an assidious sterilizer then you might need to be sitting down. He has happily survived another day with his big sister though, and seems none the worse for it. Nor his (late) 16 week jabs, today, bless him. He didn't utter a sound for the first one, mewed indignantly at the second and a minute later was smiling coquettishly at the nurse :)

The bad news for my dad is he is in hospital again: he has torn a tendon and it has been bleeding internally for a few days and they might have to operate. He is on warfin (blood thinner) and reacts very badly to general anasthetic so is really knocked down by ops and this is his third this year. The bad news for you lot is I've dusted down my netbook with a keypad and I touch type, so I can be even more mouthy!

Five hours of broken sleep last night and no childminder today so off to bed v soon. Night all x

Evening Ladies

Scarecrow Goodness you are chatty today!! love the paddling pool tip. Thanks. I will give that a go next time I have the pool out. How was your night out, you lucky thing you!! Love the piccie of DS. What a sweetie!

I must introduce you to my Dad who gets very upset if the dishwasher isn?t stacked properly. Talking of Dads, so sorry to hear about your Dad. Sounds awful. I hope he is on the road to recovery? I have heard about allergies to GA?s and often wonder how they cope with surgery.

Now, seeing as you?re not into your stars, I?ve just checked yours. Summary is: practical Saturn is in your sign in September which will help you execute your plans. And here?s what mine said which I thought was fairly apt advice for many of us on the thread at the mo:

??Relationships at home, which have been a bit hard to deal with recently, can be transformed this month. The trick is ?to believe it?s possible. If you approach? [them] with a resigned ?You?ll never change, we?ll never understand each other? attitude, what do you think is going to happen? It?s time to think positively and improve your life!??

What pisses me off though is that I always have to compromise to get things resolved. OMG, Offload Alert: DH stuffed wet towels into the cupboard. Arrrrrrghgghghghhghggh. Why??!!! Moving swiftly on?.

Rosie hope you get your photos back. Well done on the weight gain too.

You know, it scares me how little I can remember of DS? early months. I wonder, if we have another, whether I will have to learn it all again!!

Was busy today entertaining family. Had a nice but rather knackering day. Baby FF has benefitted from lots of fresh air , running around (not bad for 14 months), love and attention, which all goes down well with him.

Is my bedtime. Sweet dreams all. FF xx

BBD, we have wooden floors as well and have already had a few bumps. Surrounding her with cushions used to work but now she just picks them up and moves them. We have an old double mattress and the plan is to bring that down and section it off so she has a safe place to mooch about when I need to get on with stuff. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, it feels very overwhelming when you start thinking about it all doesn't it? I have to be surrounded by lists so I can get stuff out of my head and down on paper!
Scarecrow, love that photo, your DS is gorgeous! Hope you enjoyed your meal out with your girlfriend but so sorry to hear about your dad.
Eagle glad you liked the nursery, I know from friends how hard it can be to find one that's right for you.
1000FF, smiles & giggles are definitely the best part of the day! Also if I say "kiss for mama" to DD and she's in the mood, she'll give my shoulder a big slobbery kiss.
Rosie so sorry about your phone! Really hope you managed to rescue your photos. Great news about the weight gain.
Re the naming ceremony Scarecrow, I just googled ideas for naming days and wrote the script using various bits I found from all over the place. If you like, I can PM you a copy of the script and the readings we had if it will help?