Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies Part 2

[blueblackdye]

Our 2nd thread is full but it won't prevent us from laughing, moaning, keeping on supporting each other, sharing and chatting over our new life with 1 or 2, even 5 children !
Here you go, fantastic 40+ Mums, a brand new thread for all of us, old friends from the pregnancy thread or new joiners

Good morning, I had a very bad night, since 9pm A has woken up every 1.30h, I don't know what is wrong, she is not in pain, she stops crying when I come close to her but if I step away, just 1 step, she cries again. I need sleep. And she is now screaming. Xxxxx

oh BBD you poor thing. Could she be coming down with something? My dd often "plays up" for day or two before realise she is unwell. Or has she learned to.dream (need a developmental psych to advise me here) and is scared??? So hope your mum can help out today. ((hug))

just had an hour dozing with DD, now up before family in hope can have a coffee and get out for a run before they all wake. If so, my perfect morning

Hello lovely ladies, apologies for my extended leave of absence - life and the universe have been getting in the way and I so rarely come into Mumsnet these days but when I so I must always come and see how you all are.

BBd - sorry you are missing DS so much - I would be the same, it's like a little bit of you is missing. Do you think A may have separation anxiety? it kicks in from 8-12 months and can be a devil.

Oz - I do 5 2 whilst BF and it worked a dream for me but I just can't shift the last 10lbs - think I won't lose them until I stop breast feeding which will be in the next 3 months or so I guess as I start to get back to full time work.

I was also a big fan of 30 day shred but beware if your Ab muscles or pelvic floor still weak as some bits too high impact. Think pulling up pelvic floor though if you do tackle it.

Chairman - hope your house is on the mend. I best go - loving the lazy mornings of the summer holidays but so hard to drag arse out if bed. Off on holiday on Sunday - hope the children don't melt as Lisbon will be about 36. At least we don't have to so anything....

Big love to all - will do best to check in more often.

Midget hope life and the universe being kind to you. If you go to Estoril find the Garette cafe (v close to seafront).... I grew up there and we used to het croissant and brioche there at weekends, pasteis de nata for treats, almond tarts and bolo de rei....oooh

Have a wonderful trip

Thanks Scarecrow - I may just do that.

knottyhair i know what you mean about being around food. i eat too much. really need will power to get me started. have got to lose 2 stone.
the bacon sandwich sounds delicious! we used to live in london and borough market is a fave place to go to!

littleredmonkey you are doing so well! 5 stone! i agree i need to eat less carbs!

somewhere i know that once i get started and see results and my body especially my brain gets used to it - it will be easier i hope!! it is good to know that it works for you.

bbd your little one sounds so cute, especially the bit about eating the peas!

scarecrow i hate it when i spend the time to type up the post and it vanishes!!
i am the same about being passive and then blowing up cos i feel resentful at having to cook AND wash up! i usually dont mind as i am SAHM but sometimes i would like a break

midgetm will google 30 day shred. sounds tough! will def try the 5:2 as i have over 30 lbs to lose and will be happy when i get down to 10 more lbs to lose

Midget, good to hear from you, hope you get some breeze in Lisbon. How is Master Midge and DD ?
Ozmum, Scarecrow, I hate it when DH takes for granted that I should take care of the house and the kids and him so that he can go to the gym and chill out on week end. SAHM or on mat leave, we need a break too from time to time, even 30min would be nice.
Eagle, sorry I did not want to scare you re jumperoo, I don't think 30' would harm baby Eagle's feet. It is certainly a warning for nurseries or childminders not to leave babies all day long :)
Scarecrow, I always get confused with babies gender, especially when they have no hair....
Off to prepare linch for little miss A

LRM, congrats on that amazing weight loss . Goat, love the photo of BG! ChairmanWow, hope everyone is recovering from the horrible bug. BBD, love your descriptions of your children! But sorry you had such a rough night - good suggestions though on here as to what it could be. Scarecrow, don't beat yourself up about the potty training. With DS, we tried the first time and he just didn't get it at all. We ended up leaving it until just after his 3rd birthday and he got it in a couple of days. Do you have to get her trained for pre-school or anything? And go on, give us a clue to the celeb's ID!! Eagle, well done on Shredding! I did L3 of her Killer Buns & Thighs this morning, with my triceps still aching from attempting a crab in her Extreme Shed & Shred on Sunday must remember am 45 not 25. I'm with you re: BLW. I even bought some suction bowls to stop her throwing them but she still manages to wiggle them off! She did manage some sticks of steamed carrot last night with her macaroni cheese though. Lunch today was just cream cheese sandwiches, a stick of cheddar, and some hummus, with yoghurt & blueberries for pud. She was so tired though - she was awake crying at 3am, very unlike her, but like A BBD, she stopped as soon as I opened her door. She was pulling on her ear so I gave her Calpol and a drink of water and she went back off OK.

Midget, enjoy Portugal! Ozmum, go on, give the Shred a go! The upside is it's only 20 mins long.
Rosa's been very clingy the last couple of days, really doesn't want to be put down for long and bursts into proper tears if I go out of sight for even a few seconds! Lovely cuddles but very frustrating if you want to get anything done. Is 7.5 months too early for separation anxiety to kick in??

Knotty, I've pm'd you!

Thanks Scarecrow!

just a quick one before making dinner.

knotty from memory both my DC started to get separation anxiety at around the same time they started crawling. which was around 7 months. i agree it becomes hard to get any work done around the house! DS1 used to cling to my legs, bless him! now he doesnt really want a goodbye kiss when i drop him off at school!

Thanks ozmum! I couldn't remember when it started with DS, but I agree about the goodbye kiss - I get one if I ask for it, but it's usually just a proffered cheek!

Hi gosh you guys chat! ! I'm struggling to keep up. Tbh I'm just struggling. I think the weekend away was a bit much to undertake. It was great to get all my girls together and see my best friend and her wonderful family. But it has taken its toll on both of us. Baby rose is very unsettled and feeding is becoming more painful. She is very windy and it's heartbreaking when she crys. She will only settle when in my arms and is suckling to sleep as soon as i put her down she sleeps for 10 mins before crying and wanting boob. My nipples are so sore I was actually crying last night with the pain. I'm 100% committed to bf but can see why some give up! ! Saw hv yesterday she had nothing useful to say but agreed to refer us to bf councillor. Also went to bf support group on Monday.... I was the oldest by at least 15 years. The support worker just said ' does she always scramble on like that' any advice would be much appreciated. :(
Weekend was emotionally draining too aa dd1 ( 25years old and 30 weeks pg) clearly still has issues with her little sister. She wants me at her birth and expected me to stay with her for a couple of weeks to ' teach her how to look after a baby' how she expects me to do that is a mystery to me. She lives 250 miles away! !! She was not impressed when dd2 (23 with 2year old) told her that that is what her husband is for and to grow up and get on with it like everyone else does. She is
somewhat of a princess.
Also Tennant in my house refused to let us do inspection and has said they are not paying rent and i can go get a court order to get them out. This is a financial disaster as i don't know how i will cover the mortgage let alone pay the legal costs.
Feeling very low and having to remind myself it's only 3 weeks in and not to expect to much. Snuggles with baby rose make it all worth while. At 2am this morning with baby rose sleeping on my chest i thought of all the other mothers around the world doing the same thing. Mums are amazing.

Sorry for me me me post and no personals I'm on my phone and can't scroll back or remember who said what

First of all Rosie a big ((hug)) for you. If you scroll back you'll see we've all had days and weeks like this, which is not to dismiss your feelings, but reassure you they are no cause for guilt. Guilt is banned in our grads snug (or open walled Goan beach cafe as it should be this summer).

As with all advice, ignore all/some/most as you want. I'll never know! Also I am at the routiney end if the spectrum as I find it helps me cope, but it's not to everyone's taste. But in case any of this helps, a few thoughts:

• No 1 get Lansinoh nipple cream if you do not already have it. It is brilliant and does not have to be washed off. You can also get cold compresses to cool in fridge which a friend swears by. For the next few days maybe take paracetamol once or twice a day to ease your pain until the cream etc start to work. If you are not in pain or struggling, trust me baby Rose will be better off.

• How often is baby Rose feeding, approx? If it is more than once an hour or so it might help your nipples and her wind to extend it to hourly or more. Firstly she might be crying or chewing fists from wind or tiredness, not hunger. But if she is hungry, maybe do this by making her wait just 5-10 minutes to start with, by changing her nappy, walking in the garden or around the house, or making a cup of tea: hopefully she'll gradually take on more milk and then be able to wait a little longer.

• In the meantime, try using only one breast in each hour so the other nipple gets a break. In the early weeks I used a friendship bracelet to keep track!

• Babies all wind differently, but depending on what you already do, some possible alternatives are sitting her on you knee and rotating her body anti-clockwise from the waist; pumping her left arm; putting her over your knees tummy-down and rhythmically patting her bottom or whatever feels right; sitting with her facing out, tummy over your arm, and rocking her back and forward; walking with her in the leopard or lion hold, tummy along forearm, head in crook of arm facing out, little legs dangling either side (or better still get DH to do this as manly arms better ;))

• How often is she sleeping? Again all babies are different but it's a good bet if she has not slept for 1.5 hours she is tired, in the early days one hour can be enough and two hours almost certainly over-tired if she is not happy. If she can't settle because OT maybe walk to sleep or cuddle (and keep walking or cuddling if you have to!). Once she is more rested and you have a better idea of her pattern you she is more likely to be able to settle herself and stay asleep. The first yawn is usually the wafer thin line between tired and vehemently OT in our house!

I hope some of this made sense. Don't worry about name checking us and all that when you have a tiny newborn: lots of time for that later. But do stay on the thread if it helps, keep posting questions, cuddles, tears, whatever, and don't suffer alone.

I just loved your description of you cuddling baby Rose and thinking of all the different women around the world doing the same at that moment (and throughout time). Baby Rose is lucky to have all this love from two lovely sounding parents, and a mother with poetry and humanity in her soul.

Take care,
Scarecrowx

Rosie, Scarecrow is vety right, we have all gone through these weeks when baby seemed to be an extension of our breast, 3 weeks old, baby Rose is still very young. Scarecrow's advices are very accurate. I would only add it could help to see an osteopath, mine unblocked the difficult winding for A in just one session. Some would also advise to use a sling, feeling you moving around can certainly help her to sleep without the boob and avoid OT, I have not used one but from what I read on this thread, lots of us have and it did help. Don't worry if you need to talk on here, we are all here to listen and share your pain, we areholding your hands virtually. For what it is worth, I could not put A down for the first 6 weeks or so.

AFM, nothing to report, missing DS a lot, A getting braver and braver walk-wise. Torrential rain today in Paris and very happy the temperature has gone down to only 26C.

Rosie, also sending you big hugs. I was where you are at the beginning of January and it's tough but it does get better! Fab advice already from Scarecrow and BBD, and I'd definitely second seeing an osteopath - did wonders for DS (DD didn't have any issues like that). The early days are so hard, but things change so quickly. You're a fantastic mum and I can really feel the love in your posts, if that's not too soppy! xxx

AFM, Rosa is blooming, although suffering with her teeth a bit today, lots of ear pulling and she hasn't eaten with her usual gusto. She's in bed now knackered, unfortunately she was a bit sick over her cuddly bunny but seems happy enough with a substitute!

scarecrow bbd knotty thank you your wise words were just the medicine i needed. I think I was lost in the fog of tiredness and your understanding and advice has really helped me go back to basics with rose petal.
I have restarted the lansinon after every feed and taking paracetamol 3 times a day. Also had a good look at what I'm eating and drinking and there is ' room for improvement in my diet! !!!' Dh took us shopping last night and the cupboards are now full of health breastfeeding friendly food. :)
scarecrow thank you for the advice about over tired. I'd not though about it. I may have been feeding when i should have been settling. I do have a slight mouth open boob in aproch.
Sling has been retrieved from dh car this morning, and she burped amd settled nicely oin it after morning feed. TThankfully she transfers well so once asleep i could put her in her cot. ( last night was a bit of a disaster but it's passed and we survived)
Have also got swaddling blanket out again. She hated it as a newborn but worth another go
opps i hear squawking

Have also given myself a talking too about what is realistic. Baby rose was a very unexpected gift. I think I had come to terms with being pg and the practicality of having a baby but not the huge emotion explosion. Last week i was offered a huge contact that I would have jumped at a year ago having to turn it down was difficult ( it would Have been impossible ) being financial department on dh is a new experience and going to take some getting used to. ( i was the main earner here in UK)
On the upside baby rose got her passport today so trip to Egypt will happen very soon. Dmil will join us on the beach and hopefully I'll get some diving. Only 9 months till dh gets his passport and we can go back to the beach permanently.
Thanks again ladies xx

Oh Rosie, yes, a baby transforms our life, I would say forever, the first 3 years were the most difficult for me with DS, but I still managed to work part time. I m currently questioning myself whether I should try to find a permanent job, part time, but then hols would be difficult to deal with or if I should try to find more clients and stay self employed with the inherent uncertainty but be absolutely free. I started applying for jobs as A will be at nursery 3 days a week from Sept and DS at school but then I realised it would certainly be too early. Although I don't like being totally dependant on DH, I now have a non paid job that is the project of a life, raising my kids. And I have decided to go for it. I will try to Enjoy these first years even if sometimes, I'd love to be kid free and resume to my previous life. But these thoughts are non permanent and if I could do it again, I'd have more kids and earlier in life.

Rosie, what a great attitude. You will go up and down, of.course. but hope things get a teeny bit more predictable and you start to get rest from.pain at least ( real.rest is a little way off )

BBD, I am.with you on the more.kids sooner. But I can never regret waiting because each child is so miraculously specific.and I cannot imagine dc not being the ones I have. That is not very well put, but hopefully you understand. Plus.I'm a different and I think.probably better and more appreciative parent for having waited.

CM couldn't work today and dh was painting house so had interesting day keeping kids occupied.and relatively paint free! Now for a strong drink and early night.

Very true Scarecrow, I would not change my kids, I m too a better different person today, it took me time to find the right partner and realise I wanted children. Yes they are miracles, unique and biggest gifts of my life. Had I been 10 years younger, I'd have a 3rd ! And she/he woud be as lovely as the ones I have....
Xxxx

Aah, you lovely ladies!! As I think you know, this pregnancy with Rosa was a massive shock and DP & I both had very mixed feelings about it DP went into a bit of a depression for the first 2 weeks. And to be honest, even once she was here, as much as I loved her from the first time I saw her, I really did struggle for the first few weeks, such an upheaval after 9 years! Life was so easy on a practical level, with one child of 8-9 years, it was a big shock to the system, coupled with hormones, tiredness and just being 45! But time moves on, you adjust, and she just feels like such a gift for all of us, and I feel so lucky. Yes, it's changed our lives but she's so wonderful, and I feel so blessed to be able to see DS blossom and be such an amazing big brother, something he thought he'd never be. Hope you've had a good day Rosie, you have an amazing outlook xx Lots of love to all of you special women. No, I haven't had a drink !

oh you ladies have expressed your feelings about motherhood so well - getting a bit teary here

rosie you are doing a wonderful job simply by being there for your lil one. about bf, i was very lucky to have a wonderful bf consultant and she showed me that when the baby is properly latched on, there will be no nipple pain. hopefully you will see your bf consultant soon! having said all that - i did not bf for long with DS1 because i had v bad PND. with DS2, i was put on v low dose AD at around 34 weeks gestation, so i was totally fine and did not get PND. i was also lucky to have bf consultant who came to visit and showed me how to tell a when a baby is correctly latched on. poor DS2 got so frustrated by the 8th time he latched on and then the boob was taken out of his mouth! he probably thought what the heck!? i finally got it right at some point lol

knotty i know what u mean that it is much harder being a mum when one is much older! i had DS1 at 38 and DS2 at 43 and boy, the energy level was markedly different!

we are all so so lucky to have babies at our ages!

bbd i agree with you, if i was 10 years younger, we would have gone for a third child. even though my blood tests show that my hormone levels are still ok for having a baby, i know that my energy level is just not what it was!

oh btw ladies, i started the 5:2 yesterday, and i managed the get through the first day of fasting

i must say that i didn't feel hungry for brekkie this morning and have definitely ate less today than i normally would. maybe my stomach have shrunk a little?

am i right that the fast days are not consecutive days?