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Parenting

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Original poster

Potty training next week - a few questions...

21 replies

bourneville · 17/05/2006 10:22

Might sound like stupid questions & that i'm worrying unnecessarily but i just want to have my head around every single thing before i start.

i did actually try potty training dd not long after she turned 2 but after 3 days it was clear she wasn't neurologically ready. She's now 2.9 and i really need to do it!! The reason i've been putting it off is because going out is so important to both of us and trips out keep on cropping up and i can't bear the thought of staying in all week though i know i just have to do it! She starts pre school in sept so i want to do it early enough to be able to relax & not feel pressured, and also still have time to abandon an attempt if it turns out she's still not ready.

So, my questions.

Clothes - is it worth me buying some easily removed clothes (dresses/skirts, simply pull up trousers) beforehand bearing in mind i have no money??

I have read not to be tempted to put a nappy (or pull up in dd's case, she's been wearing them for ages now) when going out. Once she seems to have "got it" and is asking for the toilet appropriately and not having accidents etc, I think i would be confident enough to bring her wearing knickers to our M&T group at the community hall, and bring our portable potty if she needs it. But i am worried that she would be so distracted playing etc that she would have an accident. Should I just relax and allow this to happen or is it not a good idea seeing as it is in a hall full of other children? or do you not end up with a puddle if she's wearing proper clothes iykwim? (sorry prob a stupid question )

Getting the bus - i really would want her to be wearing a pull up at those times, would it be fair enough to get her to use the potty before we leave, and then change to knickers as soon as we arrive where we're going or is that taking a step backwards too? and what about going to the shops? (Park is fine, i can just bring the portable potty).

And re pre school - dd is afraid of the toilet, she has attempted a few times to sit on it inc with a child seat, but she really doesn't like it (good sign that she gave it another go a couple of times in spite of that though :)). I haven't seen the toilets at her pre school but are they normally child sized ones and even so, once she is confident on the potty should i try and encourage her to use the toilet properly before she starts pre school?

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Nemo1977 · 17/05/2006 10:33

hi bourneville..Ds was ready at 2.3yrs and this was what I did
clothes..wore his usual ones but no jeans as he found them too difficult to get down . With your dd if she has skirts etc should be a little easier as she also will not insist on standing up.

I didnt put any nappies on apart from for bedtime. He did wet a couple of times when out but soon realised he didnt like that. When at toddler groups I just constantly took him to the loo every 10mins and also showed him where it was and the potty etc. Also watch as your dd may show signs of needing a wee when playing as ds used to grab himself and then sort of shuffle before going. Just let her wet herself if she does all the parents at toddler group will either have been through or go through it..dont fret.

yes about getting her to use the potty before you leave for bus dont know about the pull up as you couldnt really whip out the potty.

Dds fear of the toilet may be becuase of seeing something with another child. My friends dd had a fear of using the toilet or potty in nursery so her mum took in one of those seat adapter things that was her dds and she was fine. You might find your dd will use the toilet once she has seen you doing it etc and got to grips with the whole thing.

Original poster

bourneville · 17/05/2006 11:13

dd has watched me use the loo since she was born!! still does! When i bought her a child seat she was keen to try but it freaked her out sitting on the hole and she didn't want to try again, until she witnessed 2 little friends of hers going to the toilet and that evening she decided it was her turn, which was great! But she still didn't like the precarious feeling of sitting on the loo, though as i said she has tried once more since then, but still adamant that she will use her potty when the time comes not the toilet! Still, i'm hoping she will adapt.

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DumbledoresGirl · 17/05/2006 11:31

I have potty trained my four and have worked out the following strategies:

to begin with at home it might be easier if she wore nothing at all on her bottom half. I found that easier as you really don't have much time to get them on the potty when they need to go, also it saved on washing. perhaps you have a few more accidents as the child doens't get the horrible wet pants feeling to put them off future accidents, but I don't know that for certain. They are still aware they are wetting themselves. Also, mine seemed to use pants as nappies at first - ie something round the bottom can be weed into - so leaving them naked actually seemed to make them more aware they were potty training.

If I had to go anywhere with them in the car (or in your case, bus) or if I had to do a supermarket shop, I did put a nappy back on them. People say this is confusing to the child, but I just couldn't contemplate the accidents. I tried not to take them on long trips anywhere, but if it was a short trip, eg walking to pick up siblings from school, I did leave them in pants then as I reckoned any accident wouldn't be too bad. Indeed ds3 (the youngest) did wet himself a couple of times when we were out doing the school run. He just had to walk home with wet trousers - no real hardship as I potty trained in the summer so it wasn't as if he was going to catch cold.

You might like to give one M&T meeting a miss just to give you a few clear days to potty train but if you have to go and dd is still wetting herslef, it won't be a disaster. Just take lots of clean clothes with you, a carrier bag for the wet ones and some wipes to mop up with. Oh and the potty too of course. You will be amongst friends and other mums who have been trhough potty training so no-one should mind about accidents.

Always make your child wee before you go out, even when they say they don't need to. This usually gives you 30 minutes of not having to worry whether they need the loo which is often long enough to do whatever you need to do and get back again!

Good luck!

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EmmyLou · 17/05/2006 12:37

I help run a local toddler group and would hate to think that someone wouldn't come because they were afraid of thier child having an 'accident'. You are amonst friends, fellow mothers, and fellow pants wetters! We've all been there or will be there soon

Bozza · 17/05/2006 12:44

I would start off at home with DD in pants and t-shirt. Then when you go out for the first while put her in skirts/shortish dresses/shorts etc. I found DS managed much better with shorts than trousers. And girls are much luckier in this respect in having the skirt/dress option.

I would avoid using pull-ups etc as much as possible. Maybe sit her on a care mat on the bus? We used to sit DS on a care mat in the car seat.

Good luck - I am starting with DD at the beginning of June.

robin3 · 17/05/2006 12:50

I was dreading it. Followed Cods advice of going cold-turkey on the nappies. It was absolutely fine and (dare I say) quite good fun teaching the new skill. DS still cups his ear and shouts SHHHHH every time he uses the potty to gain maximum praise and reward for performance. Granted we have wooden floors which meant we didn't have to panic about carpets.

Yes they will wet themselves but you'll revert back to the speediness of changing them when they were babies and with their help have them changed and ready for action in minutes.

All parents understand this phase so take some absorbent kitchen roll and sterile wipes to finish the job off and I bet they'll all rally round if there is an accident. Wouldn't bother with lots of new clothes either....let her wear just pants and a T-shirt or dress during the day at home and when out the loosest clothing she has. DS wore shorts a lot of the time inside and it helps to absorb the wee and means less hits the floor.

Most importantly I'd say is give yourself a couple of days before attempting any big public facing trips.

Good luck.

sandyballs · 17/05/2006 13:05

Also, if she's left with anyone else make sure they follow the same pattern as you. My DH used to put our twin DDs back into pull ups to take them out when I wasn't there - very confusing for them. Good luck.

robin3 · 17/05/2006 13:10

It's funny how whimpish blokes can be...DP looked at me and said 'Aren't we going to put a nappy on him before we go to the park?' What was he going to damage...the grass! I also pointed out that DS vomitted every day for most of his first 6 months of life and we coped with that.

Original poster

bourneville · 17/05/2006 20:36

Thanks everyone. Has put it in perspective for me. Very strange how a bit of wee (where it shouldn't be!) can make one feel panicky! THe M&T group i speak of is actually in a big community hall, not an intimate thing with friends. But you're right, nobody would mind. I haven't witnessed any other kid having accidents there as yet though...

Another question i forgot to ask was, when to begin the day as such. When dd gets up she is adamant she wants breakfast straight away, so i leave changing nappy/getting dressed till after breakfast. Her nappy is usually pretty heavily wet then too. i am sure that she probably does a wee after getting up, it's very likely isn't it? my question is, do i change her morning routine and get her dressed etc straight away, with knickers, and hope that there are no accidents during breakfast (when i am unable to actually "train" iyswim, bearing in mind we take our time usually over breakfast) or stick to what we do now and start training once dressed etc after breakfast? one plus point - i always go to the loo before getting breakfast, dd follows me, an opportunity to use the potty? But also bear in mind i'm not so good first thing in the morning and would love to continue to have the opportunity to chill out with a cup of tea first!! Kind of hoping someone will suggest dd will decide herself that she doesn't want to sit in a full nappy at breakfast time once she has got used to wearing knickers! :)

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DumbledoresGirl · 18/05/2006 10:53

Bourneville, I used to leave the nappy on until after breakfast as I couldn't face the hassle of running to the potty and mopping up accidents so early in the morning, but I know I was copping out! If you feel strong enough, I am sure it would be best to whip the nappy off straight away, the minute she wakes up. You don't have to dress her though - couldn't she just stay in her pjs?

I do think they do normally do quite a big wee when they first wake up so it would be a good time to get a really good result in the potty if she is able (or get a huge puddle on the floor if she is not!)

tallmummy · 18/05/2006 11:01

It's a good time of year to do it. When a t home just let her wear a top and keep a couple of potties handy in different parts of the house.

My ds3's preschool has potties for the little ones who don't like the loo.

EmmyLou · 18/05/2006 16:38

Anyone got any top tips for getting jumped on poo of a sofa?

Bozza · 18/05/2006 16:43

I think you should take her nappy off when she gets up but leave her pjs on as dg suggests. Then take her to the loo when you go and get her to go on the potty. Then have a potty in the kitchen while you are having breakfast for the first few days.

Original poster

bourneville · 18/05/2006 16:46

bozza that might be a good compromise. the reason i didn't think in terms of keeping pjs on is cos trousers come off anyway, might as well get dressed! but, seeing as an accident might be likely during brek, just as well not to get clothes messed up!

dd will resist the first morning i'm sure, breakfast is the one & only thing on her mind, but she'll get used to it! :)

EmmyLou - oh dear re poo! it's prob similar to mud, easier to remove when dried!

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EmmyLou · 18/05/2006 16:58

thanks bourneville - leaving it to dry would require zero sense of smell and zero children in vicinity so have sworn lots (excellent stain removal process IME,) rubbed and wiped with wet wipes and sprayed with loads of Dettol spray that i had forgotton I'd bought when began considering potty training.

She was wearing a pull up too...

Original poster

bourneville · 18/05/2006 18:41

oh dear, i hope you realise i was joking!

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Bozza · 18/05/2006 20:21

bourneville it might not be as bad as you think. She could well have alredy done the early morning wee while still in her cot/bed so don't worry too much if she won't perform before breakfast but get her sat on the potty straight away afterwards.

EmmyLou · 18/05/2006 21:50

i know you were joking - but i wasn't about the swearing - try it it really works. After a few fcks and a couple of bllocks those stains and odours diminish and positively run and hide. Or was that the children...

dewmeadow · 18/05/2006 22:07

In the middle of potty training, and have quite confident that DD has got the hang of peeing.

Anyone any suggestions about encouraging her to poo in the potty/toilet? She is adamant that she is not doing it and doesnt seem to mind when she has pooed her pants. This morning she took her dirty pants off herself and put the poo into the toilet, and then cleaned her bum with a facecloth. Thankfully I noticed this before using it myself!

Must try the swearing method! sounds effective.

dewmeadow · 18/05/2006 22:08

Obviously, I "am" confident - sorry, and i'm even typing with 2 hands tonight!

Original poster

bourneville · 18/05/2006 22:20

yeah i have a feeling pooing will be harder. apparently they are so used to the poo being against their bum, if they do it on potty/toilet it feels like part of them is falling away?
have read a suggestion before about putting a nappy in the potty for them to sit on so it's not such a different sensation.

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