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Parenting

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Original poster

two children same sex, how many of their own things do they have?

25 replies

itsmagic999 · 10/04/2013 14:08

I have two girls 4 and 5 and they share a room. We have issues with squabbling and bickering as I am sure most people do. Very few of their things are theirs, virtually everything is shared. I wonder if having more of their own things would be better or could make things worse?

any experience appreciated.

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TheBrave · 10/04/2013 15:28

I can't give much advice i'm afraid as my 2 DC have a larger age gap of 4 years. What I've found difficult is DS2 wanting to play with a lot of DS1's toys e.g. Lego, Nintendo DS, special items he loves, reading books etc, and some items are too old for the younger one anyway. We built a shelf which is high enough for DS1 to keep his special things on and DS2 has accepted he can't play with them unless DS1 agrees. In time, DS2 can have a shelf for his special things. All other toys are shared and there isn't much squabbling with sharing, but the age gap is larger than your DC. Maybe a special box for each DD would be a nice idea and they can keep their special things inside them? Good luck.

ppeatfruit · 10/04/2013 16:22

Yes i agree with The Brave and they could each decorate and write their names on their boxes or shelves.

superbagpuss · 10/04/2013 16:26

I have same sex twins. some stuff - mainly presents - are owned by them and they have to ask easy other to use. other items are shared - does that help?

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RedPencils · 10/04/2013 16:52

I have same sex twins too. Most of the stuff they have is their own. They do play with each others stuff, but its still theirs. I've always felt that its important for them to have their own things, yet already share so much of their life anyway. Presents 'to share' are very much frowned on here, unless its something they can both play with together like trampoline or Xbox.
We have stuff like Lego which although started with an owner, has ended up mixed up.

Mine are a bit older than your two though so perhaps makes a difference.
Do you make the share Christmas and birthday presents?

RedPencils · 10/04/2013 16:54

They also have their own storage box in which they keep their special bits of tat which the other is never allowed to play with.

jamaisjedors · 10/04/2013 17:01

I have 2 DS 2 years apart.

DS2 gets all DS1's clothes as handmedowns but doesn't mind.

They also share a room, and books. Their toys are mostly their own though, as a pp said, Christmas and birthday presents.

They share well but always know who a toy belongs to (even if I don't always).

We also have the tat special box Redpencils...

superbagpuss · 10/04/2013 17:12

red pencil we do special boxes as well and writing on toys that are the same but they have one each - why do people do that?

RedPencils · 10/04/2013 19:41

At one point we had 4 Woodys!
I'm quite skilled at whipping duplicate stuff away before they notice and selling on eBay

Strangely they refuse to share clothes except for sock, undies and Pjs!

superbagpuss · 10/04/2013 19:49

our boys don't share any clothes and I have to be very careful about putting stuff away in the right drawers! hadn't considered selling duplicate gifts, hmmmmm

amidaiwish · 10/04/2013 19:51

My DDs are 18 months apart
At that age we often had two identical things, otherwise there'd be arguments
They grew out of it....

AppleAndBlackberry · 10/04/2013 20:07

I have two DDs close in age too, although a bit younger than yours. We have a mixture of shared stuff (playmobil, lego, happyland, trampoline) and duplicated/own toys (pushchairs, dolls, soft toys, activity books, bikes, scooters). If you could identify some of the most fought over toys and get duplicates or divide them up I'm sure that would help a bit.

As an aside we don't tend to give joint presents, I think some toys are 'shared' partly because they don't remember which of them it was given to, but if they asked I would be able to tell them.

MaryRobinson · 11/04/2013 12:27

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forevergreek · 11/04/2013 17:35

Just have communal things for sharing. They don't really ' own' anything. Had never even crossed my mind before. If for Xmas one got lego and one some dinosaur toys for example, they would become 'toys' not ds1 or ds2 toys. We don't have space for two lots of everything either. They often just get one larger present to share ( like a playhouse/ sandpit).

At birthdays just whoevers birthday it is opens and knows they were brought for them but they wouldn't hesitate to share as they know the other will share theirs later in the year

Notmyidea · 11/04/2013 18:38

My girls are 14 months apart. In the last year, (11) the younger one has stopped being willing to have hand-me-down clothes. They no longer share a room but when they did they were both protective of their space. (decor and shelving on bunk beds.) They share most "stuff" but have their own tat of which they are possessive. They are very good at pooling their pocket money to get things they want, (new games for the wii or midnight feast goodies for a sleepover.)

carriedawayannie · 11/04/2013 18:47

My dds are 3 years apart - 5yo and 2yo.

Most things are shared and like the poster above, they open presents knowing they will be sharing and playing with them together. So if dd2 gets play doh or example, it will be known without conversation, that they will both be playing with it.

They do have special things which are their own (eg special cuddly toys they sleep with) and dd1 keeps her books up high so dd2 can't rip them by mistake.

I don't duplicates either and can only imagine that would increase arguments in this house. They know they have to share and I couldn't handle them screaming about whose is whose.

They obv have their own scooters, bikes and a buggy each.

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 11/04/2013 18:52

We hardly had any 'own thngs', pretty much all communal toys, even if given as presents, but a few exceptions were rigidly enforced so favourite sleep toy, current reading book, own creations - if another child took those without asking they were in bother.

Each child had a drawer for their treasures.

MiaowTheCat · 12/04/2013 07:42

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carriedawayannie · 12/04/2013 10:04

I know the feeling Miaow - dds have birthdays within 3 days of each other and just before Christmas.

Not only costly but it means an influx of toys all at the same time.

This year I am determined not to buy more Toys!!

RedPencils · 12/04/2013 10:32

It's a lot easier when they are younger, as they get older and start to like different things you have to adapt. My aunt bought my two a huge box of Lego to share last year. DT2 doesn't like Lego much so saw it as a present for DT1 so was disappointed he didn't 'get' anything.

DTs birthday is 2 months before Xmas, i spend summer holidays sorting and chucking away things to make room. Although no more huge clad parties for us anymore so hopefully that will reduce the influx of stuff.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 12/04/2013 10:37

I have a 4 year age gap so DD1 is still quite possessive about her things as they're likely to get broken once the bulldozer dd2 gets her hands on them.

Startail · 12/04/2013 10:57

Here duplo, Lego, happy land, wooden trains, books, board games and some craft stuff was shared.

Craft kits given to a specific child aren't and soft toys have owners.

Playmobil and toy cars are DD2s, she has been known to share ocationally, but generally they are hers.

This is simply because DD1 has never been that interested in toys full stop (the craft mountain is her fault) so the playmobil and cars have been DD2's presents and pocket money over the years.

DD2 happily wore hand me down clothes and still rides a hand me down bike (it's purple and therefore allowed )

At 12 and 15 they still happily share trampolines, Wii and Xbox.

DD1's pocket money goes on books which DD2 reads some of. DD1 does not read Jackie Willson!!!

Both have their own laptops and iPods and a certain amount of bartering goes on over paying for Aps, music and SIMs add ons.

Clothes are no longer handed down both because they have different colouring and different taste and because DD2 is much smaller than DD1 was at her age.

Arcticwaffle · 12/04/2013 11:06

We have 3 girls close in age. They have some toys shared, but many separate. Dolls' house, climbing frame, duplo and most lego, all shared. But this has never been a problem, they don't mostly squabble over these items (there is plenty else to squabble about, certainly, it's not all sweetness and harmony). We do try and make sure plenty is separate. So they have Individual Playmobil, Sylvanian sets, lego sets etc.

If the dds found this hard I'd give them more separate stuff, it can be very irritating having to share stuff with a sibling if you aren't getting on, or if you use the toys differently, or one breaks things, etc.

MiaowTheCat · 13/04/2013 20:28

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louisianablue2000 · 13/04/2013 20:53

My two DDs are 18 months apart and are 5 and (nearly) 4. They have soft toys they sleep with and DD2 has some of her own clothes but generally wears handmedowns, they are so close in age that we are now at the stage that DD1 will wear something one week then I'll have a sort out and DD2 will wear it the next and they are both quite cool with that idea. She gets new shoes though.

But otherwise they share everything, all toys go into a shared toy cupboard. They get on really well and play together the whole time so separate toys aren't needed. We even started off with just one balance bike and one scooter but we need two of those now, but DS will use them later so we'll still get our moneys worth. I was one of four (2DB, 1DSis) and we shared everything and everything was handed down.

BarbarianMum · 13/04/2013 22:38

Interesting. I have 2 ds, 2 years apart who share a room.

Very few of their hings are jointly owned, as in toys are given to one or the other of them but they do have to share, or at least take turns (the exception is their special bedtime cuddly).

The reason they have to share is that I think it is silly to have 2 train sets, 2x scaletrix, separate lego etc but then most of their toys are ones that are meant to be shared or played with jointly so maybe that's why its never been a problem. We do tend to have multiples of things like toy swords or nerf guns as I can see just having 1 would be a problem.

What sort of toys do they fight over? Or is it not the toy but the principle of sharing that is a problem?

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