Brought DS "girls" shoes - wrong move?

[AlisonM1971]

Went to get new shoes for 6 year old son and on the way he was saying he wanted shiny ones. I was a bit confused but worked out he meant patent ones. I did say I didn't know if they had boys ones like that but we could see. Of course they did not - we had always planned to get school shoes and some casual ones (I was thinking trainers) so I let him get the patent instead of trainers as he was getting really upset that he couldn't get the ones he wanted and who gets to say what girls and boys should wear anyway. He kind of rocks them but DH has just got home and is a little horrified.

Should I have just said no?

umm no.
you got your DS the shoes he wanted just because your DH has notions (as I'm sure most of us do) doesnt mean you should change and try to impose those ideas on your DS (as I'm sure he will pick them up at some point)

As long as they fit, who cares.

Im 26 and I still love shiny shoes.

He sounds like a sweety, and you did the right thing.

Phew - he is a real sweety and has been dancing around in them - hooray. To be fair to DH I think he was more surprised than anything.

I still allow my 6 yr old to live in her princess dressing up outfits.

Other than school uniform, she literally wears nothing else.

And my little DS has a pink buggy that he pushes his dolly around in.

We dont care, neither should you.

Its fine I am just about to get apairof sparkle toes sketchers for ds3(8) Ashe wants a pair. He has school shoes etc, these will be for play, he also has loads of dress up a stuff including a fairy dress and sparkly tutu!

My nephew used to get his nails painted wear lipstick and push a blue teddy in a pram everywhere . My sister tried to stop him but i let him whenever i had him as he was a 3 year old boy expressing himself.

I couldn't give a shiny shit if anyone thought it odd - he was happy. Let your ds wear his shiny shoes :)

The lipstick and nails were once in a veeeery blue moon, i just realised it sounds like he was always made up not that i'd mind if he had been just felt weird that it seemed like he was

not good at explaining myself

Of course not wrong!

I obviously have my own opinions on gender & expression but putting that aside I think the crux is supporting him in expressing himself. I think the choices we make in allowing child led purchases, or games or whatever, are the building blocks of self esteem - his choices are not wrong, his way of experiencing/learning about the world around him is not wrong and the things that make him happy, however small, are not wrong. None of what makes him, him is disappointing or needing to be changed.
It also nurtures the feelings of being accepted & you being on side. You build the confidence of independence, being yourself & ploughing his own furrow.
All ethereal concepts to a 6 year old! But good foundations, laid before it is even questioned, helpful when older children are walking the line between fitting in & finding out who they are, wanting to be non-threateningly different enough without actually being too different.

Seems like a leap from a pair of shoes! I reckon it's one of those little things that add up to a big thing though.

I've just spent the day in frog Wellingtons, amongst what appears to be an 80's pop take on the Village People by the looks of the costumes the dc were wearing, so maybe I'm too far gone to comment!

There is a 10 year old boy in my dd's class who only wears girls shoes. Sparkly converse type. Nobody ever says a word about it.

I don't know because my 5 year old really wanted pink trainers and I got them but after a few weeks he decided he didn't want to wear them anymore as they were for girls. I'm glad we didn't agree to a pink bike. That would have been very expensive.

Thanks for all your messages and the bit about fitting in and finding out who they are was lovely. I am really pleased I listened to my gut and good to know its not just him.