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Parenting

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Original poster

Is 2nd DC always more of a handful than first?

23 replies

lionlion · 03/04/2013 07:47

I'm due second soon, and it seems EVERYONE is telling me how first was a dream sleeper etc (kind of like mine), but secomd was a nightmare - won't sit in pram, won't nap, won't potty train etc... It feels like I'm almost guaranteed to be saying this too!? Obviously this is a totally self indulgent post - healthy baby is all that matters - but anyone had two little angels want to share their experiences? ;) thanks!

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Sparklingbrook · 03/04/2013 07:58

Not as a baby. DS2 was very easy going. But as he grew older it was very apparent he was not the quiet, shy child that DS1 was. Bit of a shock TBH.

Fairypants · 03/04/2013 08:03

My dd's are 14 and 10 and are both angels:D
Dd2 slept better than dd1, potty trained fine and, although they both have very different personalities, neither has ever gone through a nightmare phase. They do find different things to get into so the stuff that didn't get moved because dc1 wasn't interested may prove to be of interest to dc2.

gymboywalton · 03/04/2013 08:05

no my second is a delight

both were great sleepers and are now good eaters/doing well at school etc etc

people always like to doom and gloom
just smile and wave

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Chocoflump · 03/04/2013 08:11

Hmm my first was a dream baby, slept all night from 5 weeks, weaned like a dream, rarely cried, is and always has happy to content himself, very laid back.

Second is a nightmare! She's 7 months, still doesn't sleep at night, fussy eater, if a lump goes in her mouth she vomits, demands attention all day!! But she gets away with it cos she is cute!

People warned me but I thought it would be fine, but I'm just putting it down to the fact that girls are harder than boys and it will get better on 18 years

leelteloo · 03/04/2013 08:14

My 2nd is the easiest baby I have ever come across and I am loving every minute with him. My dd was a poor feeder, poor sleeper, full of wind/colic and now she is 3 she still wakes me more than ds ( I still love her to pieces though )
I thought it was generally considered that the 2nd baby is easier because as a mum you are more confident and less stressed and baby has to learn to wait and share from day one. No pfb dynamics going on.

vix206 · 03/04/2013 08:16

OP what you've been told is total opposite to what I've been told (and have witnessed). All my friends have had 'easy' second children.

Smudging · 03/04/2013 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lionlion · 03/04/2013 08:23

Thanks for responses! Mine will be three and hgalf years apart and wonder if its helpful - first dc will be in childcare so I hope to be able to give 2nd lots of attention... Or maybe by the look of posts its just chance! I suppose I want to think parenting has at least SOME impact though people also say with second though they did exactly same child so different etc... Hmmm. Well there's only one way for me to know with mine!

OP posts:

Bearandcub · 03/04/2013 08:27

You definitely don't do exactly the same with your second. You realise when things work and when they don't, you learn.

intheshed · 03/04/2013 08:33

Not true- my 2nd was a much easier baby. But I think a lot of that was down to how I was with her. So she ate anything I put in front of her (because I didn't have time to make 'special' baby food or pander to her whims), she would nap anywhere and everywhere (because she was dragged along to whatever preschool activities DD1 was doing), and she didn't whinge half as much as DD1 if she fell over or banged herself (because she was used to standing up to her big sister!)

BearsLikeMarmalade · 03/04/2013 08:40

I've always heard the opposite too. My sanity really will be in jeopardy if DD (6w) is a worse sleeper than DS was/takes longer to toilet train (he is lovely but was definitely not a dream baby....)

I've got a 3.5 year gap too OP. Early days yet but so far so good. DS is in preschool 2.5 days per week and I find it helpful that his understanding is good, and that he can play/watch TV in another room without constant supervision. He really seems to like DD, and any anger about the change has been directed at me, not her. I'm really enjoying having a small baby again as I'm so much more confident this time around (and less bothered about small stuff). DD seems to have had no trouble learning night from day with her big brother around!

Definitely more tiring with two though and managing the relationship between them much more tricky than being able to focus everything on PFB. Get a sling if you haven't already!

DoNotDisturb · 03/04/2013 08:43

My second was a dream! Both first and second are good sleepers. I'm due third soon and people are loving telling me this one has to be a nightmare as the first two are so lovely.. People just like doom mongering. Ignore and enjoy your baby.

LittleMissSnowShine · 03/04/2013 08:49

Argh! Also pg with no. 2 and DS1 is a real handful. He's a great sleeper but apart from that, he is a real wee tike, bad temper, screaming tantrums. very fussy eater, highly strung, currently in the middle of toilet training (not going great yet tbh!). If DC2 is going to be ... worse .... I'll need locked in a darkened room to recover when the toddler years are over lol

pansyflimflam · 03/04/2013 08:52

stupid question

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 03/04/2013 08:53

Both mine were brilliant sleepers etc, ds2 had a few health issues but aged about 18 months turned into a daredevil who has no fear of anything and could open stair gates, climb anything with nothing but his own strength. My friend has a second child very similar! We are having dc3 soon so hope it can only hope dc3 is calmer!

Original poster

lionlion · 03/04/2013 10:07

Agree Pansy that stupid question, but only in so far as a lot of threads are because we are asking for opinions, reassurances - and we're all not stupid enough to think the answers are fact. Having siad that, I'm going to try and take all the positive 2DC stories as fact until otherwise disproved - ha, ha! And thanks Smudging, am hoping 'cos of age gap I've got a chance of having time and energy 'cos I'm not trying to juggle them noth at the same time to get in a nice sleep routine with the second, as I did with my first - eventually! Well that's MY plan :)

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teacherwith2kids · 03/04/2013 10:13

Personality-wise, DC2 (DD) has always been a much easier proposition than DC1....

However, sleeping in the night was a totally alien concept to her as a baby. She would fall asleep finally around 4.30 or 5 am, then 2 year old DS would spring up, full of energy for the day, at around 5,45.

Yes, sleep deprivation does bring on hallucinations, and yes, I did on occasion wake up on the kitchen floor holding the baby, having literally fallen asleep on my feet.

After 6 months or so, though, she was a delight....

mummy2benji · 03/04/2013 23:00

Dd2 has had an unfortunate run of illnesses - bronchiolitis, norovirus, colds... but personality wise is much easier and more placid than ds1 was. Ds1 was a sweet sunny baby but had severe silent reflux and feeding difficulties so was a nightmare from that point of view. Dd2 is content to just sit and watch ds1 and grin adoringly at him and she sleeps beautifully at night. Far easier. So don't listen to those stories!

olivertheoctopus · 03/04/2013 23:15

My DS2 was even easier than his brother when it came to feeding/sleeping etc but I can safely say that having turned 2 he is an absolute little live wire. Cute beyond belief but very cheeky and spirited and much less of a delicate little flower than his brother. I am worried about impending #3....

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 03/04/2013 23:18

Easy baby, spirited toddler (bloody hard work), stroppy child.
Every single one of my friends has this pattern. We have ALL had children of the same sex. Wonder if that makes a difference.

tumbletumble · 04/04/2013 12:05

DC2 was an easier baby than DC1 but has been harder since age 3. DC3 is the hardest by miles!

Tailtwister · 04/04/2013 13:49

DC2 was harder work. He's just a different personality, always on the go and very stubborn. He's about the same night sleeping wise, but never seemed to nap for long during the day as a baby. We were always out and about though, which wasn't the case when DS1 was a baby.

mistressploppy · 04/04/2013 14:08

Mine are very similar, but DS2 is probably even easier than DS1. I think this has a lot to do with more confident handling and higher levels of benign neglect!

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