2.5 yr old upset going into crèche

[gonerogue]

Hi,

Just looking for advice really on what to do.

My DD was in crèche from 10 months old to 19 months, then back with me as I was on maternity leave. She and my DS were back in January when I went back to work. She settled in fine but in the last few weeks has started having a mini tantrum going into her room. She runs from the main crèche door but when she gets to her room stops and refuses to go in with gentle coercion persuasion from her key worker and me.

She has told me that one little girl hits her and slaps her in the face. I brought this up to her key worker and was told the child in question can be very boisterous and is often in time out for her behaviour. Apparently several parents have mentioned it.

Today was the same situation with DD, the Easter break did not help.

Has anyone any experience of this/ any strategies that I can use to help DD get through this. She loved crèche prior to this, was really and settled. She has also successfully been toilet trained in the past month, could that be another source of stress for her? I am thinking maybe childminder if it doesn't get sorted. And no, not working isn't an option, DH's salary would just about cover the mortgage and his commuting costs at the mo so I need to work to keep us fed.

Sorry for the length, thanks for any suggestions.

Any ideas at all?

DS has been in nursery since 6mo. He's now 2y9m. His nursery is fab, I have no concerns. He has loved it since day 1. He had a period of about 6 weeks at about 2.5 when he had to be peeled off me, sobbing. It was horrific. I always phoned and he was always fine within 10 mins. I'm due dc2 any day so I suspect that impacted on the clinginess. DS had been toilet trained for a few months by then so doubt that has any effect.

Talking to the nursery staff, it's not unusual for kids this age to go through separation anxiety for a while. The manager recommended I get him there before breakfast (was getting later as I was off sick with spd) and it really helped. We also talked a lot about what things he enjoys at nursery and how he can ask for a cuddle from staff at any time. Also promoted a strong friendship and reminded he'd get to play with x today.

TBH in your shoes I'd want a formal chat with the manager over the behaviour of the other child and what steps are in place to ensure your child's safety. Is she happy after you've left? Does she seem happy when you pick her up? If yes, then I'd give it a bit longer. If not, I'd go with a different nursery or a childminder. I would hate to go to work every day if I thought someone there was going to slap me, must be awful for defenceless toddler. Also not a habit you want her to pick up.

Will she be going to preschool in sept? Will you need a childminder then anyway? If so maybe an early move would be best all round?

Good luck, it's heart breaking I know.

Thanks for replying HP...
I'll answer your questions.

The nursery is an, all of the staff have been there since it opened about ten years ago and they are all lovely.

DD is fine once they get her involved in something, it's just getting her into the room in the first place that is taking it out of me. She is happy once I'm gone and yes, when I pick her up she usually doesn't want to leave... "I need 6 seconds" is her usual request.

I am following up with the crèche owner Nd manager re the other little girl as like you I'd hate to feel threatened in my workplace. It's the first time we've had anything like this.

Here in Ireland we get 15 hours childcare but she won't get that until September 12 months, and then school when she has just turned 5 (August birthday).

I think we will see how she goes, and after my chat with the owner will see what my next steps are, if I leave her there she will be around the other child until she is 5 so hat's a long time for feeling sad about crèche.

Thanks for your response

That sounds good. She's obviously happy there if she's wanting to stay. I'd stick with it and keep going with lots of happy but quick goodbyes at the door, hard for you but better for her.

Hope it ends soon. DS barely says goodbye anymore, he's off through the gate like a shot!